Five-Minute "Timeless"
by Zeke

Chakotay: Oo, I found a frozen Voyager! What do I win?

Kim: I'll go get Doc.
Chakotay: I'll go remove Seven's skull.
Kim: Oh, you get all the fun.

Doc: What's going on here?
Kim: I'll tell you after the flashback.

Janeway: We've got a new drive! Everybody get your hopes up!
Chakotay: While we're at, let's have dinner together to appease the J/Cers.

Neelix: Congrats, B'Elanna! Have a bug.
Torres: Um, thanks.

Doc: Are you drunk, Seven?
Seven: Synthehol is irrelevant. Hic.

Paris: Hey Harry, if we use this we'll die.
Kim: Shut up! I'll miss my chance to go angsty and bitter.

Paris: Look, how many holotests will it take till you see reason?
Kim: I'm betting on 47.

Chakotay: Well, guess we'd better give up.
Kim: Wait! Try this plan!
Chakotay: Looks like everybody would die except you and me. I like it.

Janeway: I'd like your opinion about the flight.
Chakotay: I think it's a really bad idea.
Janeway: Okay, I don't want your opinion anymore.

Kim: ....and then the ship crashed.
Doc: And you went to all this trouble just to save me?
Chakotay: Get over yourself! We're here to fix history.
Doc: But how?
Kim: Does the phrase "grave robbery" ring a bell?

Doc: Poor Seven. What a way to go.
Kim: Yeah, yeah. Just rip the junk out of her skull, holo-boy.
Doc: Is it just me, or are you a little more angsty and bitter than before?

Tessa: Hiya Doc.
Doc: Do I know you?
Kim: Don't sweat it, she's just another Chakotay Girl.
Doc: But he had one two weeks ago, and I haven't since season two! Unfair!

Chakotay: You know, this'll erase your last 15 years.
Tessa: Yeah, but I'll do it because I wuv you.
Chakotay: I wuv you too. No wonder your name is "asset" backwards.
Kim: Hey lovebirds, we're detecting a cameo on an intercept course!

Chakotay: Have you checked and double-checked absolutely everything?
Kim: Who cares? We've got salami!

Janeway: Everybody ready to die?
Everybody: Yes, ma'am!
Janeway: Then let's go!

Tessa: They're closing! I can't believe I let you drive.
Chakotay: The cameo's hailing us.
La Forge: Hi, I'm Captain La Forge. You may remember me from such shows as--
Chakotay: Cut that out!
La Forge: Same to you. I really don't want to blow you up.
Chakotay: Too bad. Bye.

Paris: Here goes! Whee!

Kim: Hurry up! I don't like being shot at!
Doc: Wimp.

Paris: Hurry up! I don't like crashing!
Kim: Wimp. Here you go.
Janeway: Uh oh, the corrections don't work.
Seven: We're crashing! Harry, you really suck!

Doc: Found it!
Kim: Excellent! Try these numbers on for size, Seven!

Seven: I'm getting new numbers from Harry.
Janeway: Our Harry?
Seven: Nope, some other Harry. And judging from his numbers, this one really sucks too.

Kim: Oh no, Voyager's screwed!
Chakotay: Too late to go back. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll fix it in 15 years.

Janeway: Let's land on that ice planet. It'll make for great special effects.
Paris: We're crashing!
Janeway: Nuts. All hands, prepare to die!

Kim: Oh no, I messed up!
Chakotay: Fix it fast, we're gonna blow!
Doc: Come on, Harry! You can do it!
Kim: No I can't!
Doc: Okay, do something else!
Kim: That's it! Something else!

La Forge: Give it up, you're about to explode!
Tessa: With Chakotay at the helm, what did you expect?

Kim: Here we go! Mind if I kill you, Doc?
Doc: No problem. Bye.
Kim: It worked! Time to go boom.

Seven: I'm getting new numbers from Harry.
Janeway: Our Harry?
Paris: Who cares, just gimme the numbers! Whoops, there goes the slipstream.
Janeway: What was that for, Harry?
Kim: (over the comm) What? Did I do something?

Kim: Sorry, Captain. Looks like I just about screwed you over.
Janeway: It's okay, you fixed it 15 years from now.
Kim: Huh?
Janeway: Here, he left a message.
Future Harry: You're a moron, but thanks to me you didn't kill anybody. Bye!
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed -- albeit less than before)

THE END

Previous fiver: Once Upon a Time
Next fiver: Infinite Regress

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