Five-Minute "The Q and the Grey"
by Arachnia

Star: BOOM!
Crew: Oooo, ahhh....

Kim: Shock wave approaching, mom!
Janeway: Back us off, Helm Boy.
Paris: Aww, can't we surf it?
Janeway: No.
Paris: I never get to do anything fun!

Janeway: Chakotay, shall we go over those technobabble readings?
Chakotay: No, you've had the bridge for too long. It's my turn to play captain!
Janeway: Okay.

Q: Hi, sweetheart!
Janeway: What do you want?
Q: You!
Janeway: Oh, brother....

Chakotay: What did Q want?
Janeway: Me!
Chakotay: That's not right! What about J/C*? This is totally going to screw with my plans! Where is he? I'll kill him!
Q: Bring it on, Chuckles!

Q: Tom, how do I get Kathy?
Paris: You don't.
Q: Bar rodent, how do I get Janeway?
Neelix: Get her a dog!

Q: Here's a puppy. Can we get it on now?
Janeway: Umm...no!
Ms. Q: Q! What are you doing with that bit--um, beagle. Yeah, beagle. That's what I meant.

Kim: (over the comm) Mom, we need you. More stars are going to go boom!
Janeway: When?
Kim: Now!
Janeway: Q, get us out of here!
Q: Okay.
(Q and Janeway disappear)
Ms. Q: That #$%^&! (disappears)
Paris: Hang on, we're going surfing! Woo hoo!

Janeway: Q, when I said us, I meant my ship!
Q: Same difference.
(shots fired)
Janeway: What was that?
Q: Oh, just a little civil war. Nothing to worry about. Back to us -- how would you like to be peace's mom?
Janeway: Return me, Q, or else!
Q: What, you'll sic your Vulcan on me?
Janeway: No, I'll just have you shot!
Q: Yeah right. (shot rings out) OUCH!
Janeway: Warned you.

Chakotay: What the heck are you still doing here? Aren't you supposed to be getting my woman back?
Ms. Q: A war is going on, I'm hurt, end of story.
Chakotay: So what do we do?
Ms. Q: Go into the Continuum through a star that's going to go boom!
Chakotay: Okay.

Janeway: Q, surrender!
Q: Nope.

Ms. Q: Are you done yet?
Torres: Nope.
Ms. Q: I'm superior. Can't you go any faster?
Torres: Wrong on both counts!

Q: Would you like to explore all of my dimensions?
Janeway: Nope, but how would you like to explore all of Ms. Q's?
Q: Hmm...interesting!

Ms. Q: Hey Helm Cutie, go to that star over there. Engineering, do a bunch of technobabble stuff to the shields.
Torres: I think you've hit your technobabble quota for the day, Q....

Star: BOOM and stuff!

General Q: What the hell do you think you're doing, human?
Janeway: Q wants to end the war.
General Q: So do we. Let's kill him!
Janeway: Hey, no fair!
General Q: But wait, there's more -- you're gonna die too!

Janeway: Please don't kill me!
Q: Yeah, kill me! She had nothing to do with this!
General Q: Yeah, whatever. Ready, aim, fire at those Union solders over there!

Chakotay: Harry, go get your mother!

Kim: You okay, mom?
Janeway: Yeah. Thanks, sonny boy.

Paris: Caught you! Can I kill him? Huh? Can I?
Janeway: Sure. Oh wait, first call off your men.
General Q: Okay.

Q: So, baby, how would you like to be peace's mom?
Janeway: Please don't tell me you're going to fall for that old line....
Ms. Q: Yep!
Q: Wanna watch us get it on?
Janeway: Well, I've got nothing better to do.
(The Qs touch fingers)
Janeway: That's it? What a gyp!

Janeway: everyone okay?
Crew: Yes mom!
Janeway: Good! I'll be in my ready room.

Q: Hey, check out my 8-month-old son!
Janeway: How cute.
Q: Wanna be Godmother so we can dump him on you every once and a while?
Janeway: Sure!
Q: Okay. See you in a few seasons....
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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