Five-Minute "The Omega Directive"
by Kira

Seven's Daily Log: Sure hope I won't have a deep spiritual experience today to interrupt my efficiency. Ensign Kim is a weenie.

Kim: I know I'm gonna win this time.
Tuvok: Whatever.
Neelix: Can I play?
Kim and Tuvok: No.
Neelix: Okay -- just had to get a line in somewhere in this episode.
Seven: Ensign Kim, are you ready to work?
Kim: Not right now.
Seven: What if I embarrass you by using my superior intelligence to defeat Tuvok effortlessly?
Kim: Okay, let's go.

Omega: Nyaa nyaa. Bet you can't stabilize me, moron.
Scientist: We'll see about that.
Omega: Heh heh. BOOOOOOOOOOM!

Chakotay: What was that?
Paris: I dunno -- it's not like you were driving or anything.
Chakotay: Computer, what's going on?
Computer: As if I'm going to tell you, bub.

Janeway: Computer, what's going on?
Computer: Stuff went boom, but don't tell anybody.
Janeway: Got it.
Computer: Implement the Omega Directive -- keep all important information away from Chakotay.
Janeway: Consider it done.

Chakotay: Follow the Captain's orders whether they make sense or not.
Staff: That's what we do every week.

Janeway: We've detected Omega.
Seven: Oh goody!
Janeway: And we're going to blow it to smithereens.
Seven: Drat.

Janeway: Seven and I are going on what may be a suicide mission.
Chakotay: I see. I think I'll redecorate my new ready room.
Janeway: Aren't you going to try and stop me?
Chakotay: Oh, right. Uh...don't do it.
Janeway: Okay.

Janeway: Omega has lots and lots of energy.
Staff: Cool.
Janeway: It goes boom and makes it so we can't fly real fast.
Staff: Not cool.
Janeway: So we're going to blow it up.
Staff: Cool.

Janeway: Why were you trying to experiment with Omega?
Scientist: It double dared us!
Janeway: Ooookay.

Tuvok: What about the Prime Directive?
Janeway: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, Tuvok.
Tuvok: I'm guessing not today.

Seven: You are now my slaves. Here are your new efficient designations.
Six of Ten: Hey! I'm Harry, not some drone.
Seven: Very well. Here is a new designation for you.
Ensign Weenie: That is not funny.
Seven: That's what you think.

Seven: Tell me what you were doing.
Scientist: A bunch of technobabble stuff. Why?
Seven: I'm going to destroy the Omega molecules. Will you help me?
Scientist: WHAT? DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Seven: I'm guessing no.

Alien: You stole our people and our Omega!
Chakotay: You can have the Omega but we're going to blow up your people.
Alien: What?
Staff: Um....
Chakotay: Oops. I mean, you can have your people but we're keeping the molecules.
Alien: We'll destroy it before we let you have it!
Chakotay: Well, we're going to destroy it anyways, so...bite me.

Janeway: Prepare to blow up Omega!
Omega: No, wait! I was...uh...just kidding about that whole destroying warp capability thing. Ha! Ha! Get it?
Janeway: Too bad.
Omega: Uh...wait! Look -- I can make cool shapes.
Seven: Oooooh -- pretty. Can we keep it? Please?
Janeway: No.
Seven: Pretty please?
Janeway: Knock it off, Seven.
Seven: All right. Can you at least give me a few seconds to have a meaningful spiritual experience?
Janeway: Okay.
Seven: I'm done now. You can blow it up.
Omega: No! NO! WAIT! You -- BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Seven: Go figure -- staring at a bunch of molecules has taught me the meaning of life.
Janeway: Really?
Seven: No, but let's do a nice scene anyways.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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