Five-Minute "The Icarus Factor"
by Kira

Picard: Hey Riker! I'm finally getting rid of...I mean, you're getting a promotion.
Riker: You mean I don't have to look at your ugly bald...I mean, my own ship? Cool.
Picard: Can I help you pack your bags?
Riker: I don't know -- my own command...that's a big decision.
Picard: There aren't any kids on the Aries.
Riker: I'll take it.

Riker: Hey, it's my dad! Time to pull out some pent-up resentment from my miserable childhood.
Kyle Riker: Guess what, son? Time for a character development episode!
Riker: You mean more angst?
Kyle: You betcha.
Riker: Aw, crap.
Kyle: That's the spirit!

Wesley: So, Worf, this looks like yet another Riker episode. Wanna start a subplot?
Worf: AAAARGH! I will cut your heart out and eat it!
Wesley: Excellent. That'll do nicely.

Kyle: Hey, baby!
Pulaski: Gimme some sugar!
Riker: You and Doctor Pulaski? Eeeeeeeew!
Pulaski: Call me Mom.

Wesley: Wanna be in my subplot?
Data: We've got our own already.
La Forge: Yeah -- the ship seems to be malfunct--
Wesley: Oh, come on. Nobody cares. My subplot's better. Worf has angst!
Data: If we join you, will you leave us alone?
Wesley: For now.
La Forge: Good enough. Now scram.

Data: Lieutenant, are you in Wesley's subplot?
Worf: AAAARGH! Get away from me, p'taK! I mean, sir.
Data: I'll take that as a yes.

Worf: I'm having angst, and Wesley's annoying me. Can I come with you on your new ship?
Riker: It's dangerous.
Worf: Exactly -- there's room for advancement. I could be Captain inside a week.

Troi: You're an egomaniac.
Kyle: What? Sorry, I wasn't listening. You're far less interesting than me.
Troi: You want everything Will has.
Kyle: Nonsense. So, are you free tonight?
Troi: You're competing with him.
Kyle: That's ridiculous. Now, where is he? I'd like to kick the snot out of him with a padded stick.

Pulaski: Yeah, I almost married your dad.
Riker: Eeeeeeew, gross. Why didn't you?
Pulaski: He had a really bratty kid.
Riker: That's a real shame...hey! Wait a minute!

Wesley: Wanna come to a party for Worf?
O'Brien: Will there be any food?
Wesley: Nah. We watch him get poked with pointy sticks or something.
O'Brien: Good. I lost my appetite when Doctor Pulaski told me about her and Kyle Riker.
Wesley: Eeeeeeeew!

Troi: What kind of a 'shipper would I be if I just let you leave without making a scene?
Riker: Too bad, I'm still going to leave.
Troi: No, I mean it. I really want to know.
Riker: Uh...a really bad one?
Troi: Damn straight. WAAAAAAH! Don't leave me!

Riker: I hate you. You suck. Did I mention I hate you?
Kyle: Oh, quit yer whining. Will you shut up if we pound each other with padded sticks?
Riker: It's worth a try.

Wesley: Surprise! It's a Klingon pain thingy!
Worf: I knew I shouldn't have agreed to be in your subplot. AAAAARGH!
La Forge: (aside to O'Brien) Gosh, I've never seen him look so happy.

Riker: You know, I thought that using physical violence was an obsolete way to resolve--
(WHACK!)
Kyle: That's what you think, buster.
Riker: Hey! No fair -- I wasn't ready! Your momma--
Kyle: Was your grandmother.
Riker: Huh?
(WHACK!)
Riker: Hey, stop that! If I run out of insults we'll have to reconcile.

Picard: Sweet! We finally got rid of Riker. Now let's beat it before he changes his mind.
Riker: Guess what, everybody? I reconciled with my dad and I'm so happy that I decided to stay.
Picard: Aw, crap.
(The Enterprise blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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