Five-Minute "Masks"
by saxamaphone

Picard: No, we won't even be breaking the ice.

Data: Do you like my sculpture?
Troi: What is it supposed to be?
Data: It is a 26-sided polyhedron, composed of hexagons, octagons and --
Troi: Maybe you could try something more creative. Maybe sunnier?
Data: I will mask my lack of creativity and get right to work.

La Forge: These alien symbols have been downloaded into our computers.
Riker: What could they possibly mean?
Data: "Buried...Years...For all time --"
La Forge: Data, you can read this?
Data: Yes, I am hooked on hieroglyphics.

Riker: Look what we found inside the comet, sir -- a giant alien archive in the shape of a giant horse.
Picard: Excellent, Number One. See if we can download its database.
Riker: Aye sir, but I think I should warn you that the ship's anti-virus software won't be installed until Tuesday.

Data: Geordi, how does it feel to lose one's mind?
La Forge: You're implying that I'd know? Sheesh. Oh, wait -- is this one of those times you go berserk and use that creepy little voice?
Data/Ihat: Masaka is waking.
La Forge: Yeah, that one.

Picard: Who are you?
Data/Ihat: I am Ihat, and I need to hide from the wrath of Masaka.
Picard: And who is she? Khan's sister?
Data/Ihat: Nah -- we're talking heavy-duty wrath here.

Picard: Hmm, looks like Guinan did some redecorating.
La Forge: Actually, these artifacts used to be parts of the ship.
Picard: Really? Not a bad job for an orbital archive. Although I would have put this totem over by the bar, and the vine motif is too tacky.
Worf: Sir?
Picard: I mean, blow the thing up! Heh.

Worf: All right archive, assimilate this!
La Forge: Oh, that's original. Hold on a minute -- there's something wrong with this torpedo. (opens torpedo to find snakes) Ah! Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?

Picard: I need to have Korgono talk to Masaka. How do I do that?
Data/Ihat: You must build her temple, but now that I've told you, she'll have to punish one of us.
Picard: What will happen? Will she imprison us in a mask?
Data/Ihat: No. That's what she did to my twin brother Loki.

Troi: Well, now that we have the temple, how do we get Masaka here?
Picard: I don't know, but check out these pictures! This one's a giant snake head, I think.
Worf: "How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth!"
Picard: Worf, we're not playing the "List the Episodes or Movies that the Current Events Duplicate" game.

Picard: Oh, I get it -- Korgono's the moon and Masaka's the sun.
Data/Masaka: Congratulations, genius.
Picard: Hold on, I'll be Korgono. (puts mask on)
Data/Masaka: Korgono, you found me. OK, you're "it." I'll go hide, and you seek. (things on the ship return to normal)
Picard: Wow, I must really be beaming diplomacy.

Picard: Data, how are you doing?
Data: It is different to be so alone now, but it is good to be back to normal. I just hope I do not malfunction or go berserk again.
Picard: Not in a blue moon.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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