Five-Minute "Heart of Glory"
by Marc Richard

Picard: (over the comm) Geordi, can you interpret the images your VISOR is sending to us? All we can make out is a jumble of colours.
La Forge: Of course. What I'm seeing are propagating stress harmonics in the metal bulkhead. They suggest that this ship is about to break up.
Data: So does the flashing "hull breach imminent" message on that big monitor screen in front of us.

Riker: Captain, you won't believe who we found over here.
Korris: You insult our honour by speaking about us in the third person, you human p'taK!
Picard: (over the comm) Um, let me guess....

Picard: You say a Ferengi warship attacked the old civilian freighter on which you were travelling?
Korris: Yes, but the three of us easily destroyed their vessel.
Picard: Armed with just two bat'leths and one d'k tagh?
Konmel: As adversaries, the Ferengi are not very worthy.

Worf: Our replicators can produce Klingon food.
Konmel: Including traditional dishes? Good!
Korris: Computer, raw heart of human in gladst sauce!
Computer: "Heart of human" may only be served roasted, charbroiled or fried.
Korris: Yech! Cancel order! A true warrior does not eat baby food!

Klingons: GrrrRAAAWWWRRROWRRR!
Crusher: Was that the legendary Klingon Death Howl?
Picard: Yes, it lets the afterworld know that a Klingon warrior is on his way.
Riker: (over the comm) Riker to Sickbay...what the hell was that noise?
Worf: Nothing, Fek'l-- I mean, sir.

Worf: What were you really doing on that freighter?
Korris: The peace treaty with the Federation has changed our people into gutless cattle!
Konmel: We turn our backs on confusion and seek the beginning!
Korris: And together we shall build a world such as this galaxy has never seen!
Worf: A world of perpetual warfare and bloodshed?
Konmel: We call it "Eden."

K'Nera: (over the comm) My ship is here to take the three renegade Klingons into custody.
Picard: One of them has died.
K'Nera: Make it two then.
Picard: We shall turn them over to you as soon as you arrive.
Riker: Sir, what if Worf doesn't accept your decision?
Picard: Commander K'Nera, stand by to revise your total back upward.

Yar: Worf, step aside! We have orders to arrest them.
Korris: She and her companions wear the colour of cowardice!
Konmel: Whereas you wear the colour of blood, Worf! You belong with us!
Worf: In the brig? I think not.
Korris: Traitor! Sheep! Peacenik!
Worf: I have heard worse insults before.
Konmel: Vulcan!
Worf: But not that one yet!

K'Nera: (over the comm) The renegades must be executed in disgrace.
Worf: It would be more honourable for them to be torn to shreds and eaten alive by wild beasts on a savage planet!
K'Nera: Living among humans has given you a soft heart, Worf.

K'Nera: (over the comm) My troops are ready to assist you in recapturing the prisoners.
Picard: Thank you, but that won't be necessary. Only Korris is still alive.
K'Nera: An armed Klingon warrior is no match for you.
Yar: We can handle him by ourselves.
K'Nera: Oh? You mean the way your guards let him break out of prison using a belt buckle?

Korris: Join me, Worf, or I will fire into the warp core!
Worf: Your dreams of glory are misguided. Climb down and surrender!
Korris: No! My heart is Klingon!
Worf: An excellent place to aim.
(ZAP!)
Korris: ARRRGGGHHH!
(THUD!)
Worf: GrrrRAAAWWWRRROWRRR!
Riker: (over the comm) Riker to Engineering...I'm hearing those noises again.

Picard: Korris is dead.
K'Nera: (over the comm) How did he die?
Worf: He died well -- with a thud rather than a splat.
K'Nera: Good for him.

Riker: Would you ever consider a tour of duty on a Klingon vessel?
Worf: That is unlikely to happen. I like being the only Klingon serving on a Federation ship.
Riker: If our roles were reversed, I'm sure I'd feel the same way.
Picard: Gentlemen, may we please stop discussing these hypothetical scenarios and get on with our work?
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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