Five-Minute "Darmok"
by Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg

Captain's Log: We are in the El-Adrel system and are to meet with the Children of Tama, a seemingly peaceful race, but the Counselor is all we can use to second-guess them -- so God help us all.

Data: We are being hailed.
Picard: On screen.
Dathon: "Hail to thee," Darmok.
Picard: Computer, fix universal translator!
Majel Barrett: You're on your own, sucker.

Troi: I sense emptiness.
Riker: You ought to. The two captains were beamed off the bridges.
Data: Oh no, not another "Arena" rerun.
Worf: Grunt.... I want front row seats at the showdown!

Dathon: "This is the air-drawn dagger...."
Picard: I'll try the old Earth dialect: "Oochie-woochie-coochie-coo?"
Dathon: "A foolish thought, to say a sorry sight."

Worf: I'll try to rescue the captain in a shuttle.
La Forge: Hold on, Chakotay.
Worf: I know how to pilot shuttles!
La Forge: But the Tamarians are good marksmen.
Worf: Shoot.

Riker: We have Troi on communication, so you have to bail us out.
La Forge: Punching through that beam will take at least a day.
Riker: You wouldn't be multiplying your repair estimate by a factor of four, would you?
La Forge: Nah, I haven't met Scotty yet.

Picard: I'll take this opportunity of examining his campsite.
Dathon: "Out, out, damned spot!"
Picard: Data's cat? This is getting too weird even for an ex-member of the RSC.
Dathon: "It is a tale told by an idiot."

Data: Ship's sensors are picking up a creature.
Riker: The Crystalline Entity?
La Forge: Worse. This one isn't even beautiful to behold.
Riker: Stop making observations and pilot the ship.
La Forge: I'm the chief engineer nowadays.
Riker: Whatever.

Dathon: Now listen, you "rump-fed ronyon...."
Picard: Ah, I get it: Macbeth!
Dathon: "All our yesterdays have lighted fools...."
Monster: Rowr!
Picard: Counsellor Troi would now sense that you're hurt.

Dathon: "Thy story quickly."
Picard: Once upon a time, there was a man called Gilgamesh....
Dathon: GAK!
Picard: I knew it was a killer story.

Data: Good news and bad news.
Riker: Let's hear the good news first.
Troi: I found out how the Tamarians communicate.
Riker: (sigh) Now let's hear the really bad news.
Data: We don't know how to communicate with them.

Picard: Number One -- what's the status?
Riker: We are near destruction due to the attempts at rescuing you.
Picard: Great, I turn my back and my XO risks my ship.
Troi: I sense animosity.

Picard: Hail the Tamarian ship.
Worf: On screen.
Picard: Dathon "should have died hereafter."
Tamarian First Officer: "There would have been a time for such a word."
Picard: "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...." In other words -- catch you later.

Riker: How did you figure it out?
Picard: Since I am faint of heart, I put my brain to good use.
Riker: You obviously have two reasons to see the Wizard of Oz.
Picard: (glare) All hands -- fire at Will.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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