Five-Minute "For the Cause"
by Derek Dean

Eddington: Following the explosion of a moon by the Klingons, the Cardassian economy is in a very weakened condition. As a gesture of goodwill, the Federation has decided to give them breadmakers and churns.
Kira: Wait. How could a moon cause the destruction of the Cardassian economy?
Eddington: They had invested all their money in natural satellite surveillance. I guess you could say it was their bread and butter.

Odo: I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that we suspect Kasidy Yates is running supplies to the Maquis.
Sisko: Crap! What's the good news?
Odo: Rats. I knew I forgot something!

Sisko: I can't believe Kasidy is a smuggler. What's your evidence?
Odo: Well, she has a large collection of French history books.
Sisko: That doesn't mean anything.
Eddington: Also, her ship has the words "Maquis Smuggler" spray-painted on the side in hot pink.
Sisko: I think it'd mean more if it weren't in your handwriting.

Bashir: Would you stop looking at Ziyal?
Garak: What's wrong with it? We're both half-Cardassian.
Bashir: You're half-Cardassian? What's your other half?
Garak: Why, Cardassian, of course.

Kasidy: Did you miss me while I was on my last run?
Sisko: Yeah, what were you doing?
Kasidy: I was supplying the, uh, Notmaquis with weapo-- pots. Weapots.
Sisko: What are those?
Kasidy: I didn't ask.

Kasidy: Hey! What's going on here?
Odo: An inspection. The only question is, will it take 2 hours, 4 hours, 6 hours, or 8 hours?
Kasidy: I'd like to use a lifeline and call Ben.
Sisko: (over the comm) Odo, make it take 0 hours.
Odo: That's cheating!

Eddington: I can't believe you're letting her get away!
Sisko: Oh geez, if you love her so much, why don't you marry her?
Eddington: I'm more of a stalker. Can I follow her in the cloaked Defiant?
Sisko: Be my guest.

Ziyal: Hello, Garak. I'm scared of you.
Garak: Don't play coy with me. I know you want me.
Ziyal: Um, okay.

O'Brien: Crap. I've lost sight of the Xhosa. Now we'll never know if Kasidy's a smuggler.
Eddington: Oh, I just remembered! We happen to know the paths the Maquis take in the Badlands which we got from, um, Starfleet Intelligence! Yeah, that's it.
Worf: Excellent. Death to the opposition!

O'Brien: The Maquis aren't so bad. Right?
Worf: Wrong, the Maquis are traitors and deserve death. Right, Eddington?
Eddington: I have no comment.
O'Brien: Why does your eye twitch every time someone says "Maquis"?

Ziyal: Hello, Garak. I want you.
Garak: Hm. Maybe you don't want me after all.
Ziyal: Why do you assume I mean the opposite of what I say?
Garak: I assume that of everyone.

Eddington: So Kasidy's ship beamed stuff over to the Maquis.
Sisko: ARGH! My own girlfriend betrayed me! At least I still have my faithful security officer.

Sisko: Kasidy's going to make another run tonight.
Odo: I say we arrest them.
Eddington: I say the Captain arrest them so I can stay here and protect the replicators.
Sisko: Thanks, faithful security officer!

Sisko: Wait, Kasidy, instead of doing your run, why don't we go to Risa?
Kasidy: Then who would make my run?
Sisko: Why don't you let your first officer Logan make it?
Kasidy: Nah, he's too old for it.

Kira: Garak, can I talk to you about your date with Ziyal?
Garak: Certainly, Major. What do you have to say?
Kira: You probably should have that black eye looked at before you cancel your date with her.
Garak: What black --
(PUNCH!)

O'Brien: The Xhosa seems to have been in some sort of holding pattern for the past six hours.
Sisko: Man, I knew Maquis airports were crowded, but this is ridiculous.

Kasidy: Hi, Ben. How'd you find out we were smugglers?
Sisko: Eddington painted "Maquis Smuggler" on the side of your ship.
Kasidy: Eddington did that? Why that no-good, lying traitor!
Sisko: Wait, Eddington's a traitor?

Eddington: Load those breadmakers on to that unmarked ship over there and then take control of the station.
Reese: Okay.
Eddington: Oh, and Major? I'd do something about that black eye before Sisko returns.
Kira: What black --
(PUNCH!)

Eddington: (over the comm) Ha ha! Fooled you! Now stop persecuting us.
Sisko: Not likely.
Eddington: Then I'll give a speech.
Sisko: Crap.

Ziyal: Oh, hi, Garak. I -- What happened to your face?
Garak: The same thing that'll happen to yours if you don't tell me why I'm here.
Ziyal: Because I'm attracted to you. Though I have to admit, it's waning fast.
Garak: Phew.

Kasidy: I'm back and ready to go to Risa for some rest and relaxation.
Sisko: I'll give you a rest. Guards, arrest that woman!
Kasidy: But what about us? After all, I still love you.
(Sisko is enraptured by this news at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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