Five-Minute "A Just Cause"

by Nell

Lt. Aya Kato: Hello! Ha ha! My goodness, am I ever perky!
Bashir: That's okay, I have a thing for perky women.

Ensign Vak: I like you, Doc.
Lt. Commander Emily Hart: I don't, but how 'bout I act like I do?
Commander Ted Blake: I don't, but how 'bout I insult your heritage?
Bashir: Works for me.

Jake: Wow, free-floating camera lenses! Now I can spy on people! I wonder if this will become a plot device later?...Nah.
Bashir: Hi, Jake! Wanna do some quality male bonding?
Jake: Errr....
Bashir: Oh, wait, Blake's coming. Gotta go!
Jake: Whew.

Jake: You wouldn't be trying to make me doubt this mission, would you?
Blake: Aw, what gave me away? The propaganda posters? The Anti-Cardassia leaflets? What?

Hart's Children: Dear Mom. Hurry back! Oh, and if you're wondering about the car, it was that way when we found it.
Hart: Not the new car! Okay, that does it. This mission is going down.

Captain Westfall: So, Doctor! Just casual dinner conversation here: were the Cardassians vaporized, or did the Jem'Hadar just hack them to death?
Bashir: Ugh. Could things be any more tense?
Blake and Hart: Yahhhh! Mutiny mutiny mutiny!
Aya: (to Bashir) You do realize this is your fault for saying that.

Hart: I shall now deliver a fully documented informative speech, complete with note card and visual aids. Ahem. "Federation good. Cardassia bad. Therefore, Bashir sucks. Thank you."
Jake: Wow, that was compelling! Count me in!
Bashir: Crap crap crap.

Hart: We're not evil. We're just misunderstood!
Blake: That's what I keep telling people!

Westfall: Well, this sucks. Next thing we know, someone's gonna get badly hurt trying to escape.
Lt. Trey Lausten: (BZZAP) Gaaahhhh!
Bashir: I hate my life.

Kirkland: Gripe gripe gripe. Moan complain. Are you getting all of this?
Jake: Huh? Oh, definitely. "Moan complain." Gotcha.

Aya: You know, if MacGyver were here, he could make a bomb out of a toothpick and a Snickers bar and blast us out.
Dr. Ptacek: Well, MacGyver's not here, is he?
Bashir: Vak, are you sure Hart didn't make any conveniently stupid mistakes?
Vak: Let me check. Well, whaddaya know, she did!

Westfall: We escaped and we have guns! Ha!
Blake: Well, we've got you outnumbered and we have bigger guns. Ha HA!
Westfall: Eep! Runrunrun!

Jake: Hey, Emily, can I use one of the ship's computers?
Hart: You're not going to transmit my clearance codes to the bridge, are you?
Jake: Um... of course not!
Hart: Go right ahead, hon!

Bashir: Vak, can you regain control from the bridge?
Vak: No, absolutely not. Wait! Yes!
Blake: DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Vak: (bleep) Woohoo! Vak wins!
Blake: Drat.

Hart: By my cherished husband's unmarked grave, I shall never help you!
Bashir: Please?
Hart: Nice try, but no.
Bashir: Well, fine. You're a big stupid-head.
Hart: I am not! Just for that, I will help you!....Wait, that doesn't work.

Bashir: Jake, allow me to declare that you rock. Now, are you sure you won't get to the war zone and panic?
Jake: For the last time, yes, I'm sure!
Bashir: Good, good. Now, how 'bout that bonding thing?
Jake: Oh, all right....
(The Nightingale blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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