The Stuff You Always Wanted to Say Game

[Nate the Great]

Through a series of events too long to recount here, I stumbled onto a site (http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_revenge.shtml) that tells stories about how ignorant some people are about computers. One story is the following:

Customer: "Can I ask you a really stupid question?"
Tech Support: "Yes. And history will bear me out on that."
Needless to say, that user was also a friend. I have always wanted to say this to someone, and there he was!

So, the game is, what phrases have you waited to say? Stuff you've read someplace and wanted to show off. Obscure puns you've wanted to repeat. Absolutely horrible groaners that you've wanted to inflict on an audience. We can also extend this to lines that we like to use, even though they are only amusing to ourselves.

Now I'll start of with my own examples:

I like to use the phrase "ciao for now" expressly because it is corny.

My brother once inadvertanly created one of the funniest and most horrible puns ever invented in my presence. He said that his role model was the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Get it? My sister and I still laugh over that one.

One time I actually said Shazam as an expletive, and even I immediately winced.

As for what I've always wanted to say, the answer is simple. I've been waiting for years for someone to ask what the meaning of life is, just so I can say 42. Horribly retreaded, overused, beaten to death, resurrected, then beated to death again joke, but I still love the idea of it. It cheers me up at times when little else will.

[evay]

Somebody stopped me on the street in Manhattan once and asked me how to get to Chelsea Piers.

I looked him dead in the eye and said "Practice, practice, practice."


(then I gave him directions. But it was too perfect of a setup not to do it.)

[Nate the Great]

That looks like the kind of unintellible joke that one would be better not to understand. Ignorance is bliss.

[mudshark]

The word you're looking for is "unintelligible", I think, and the joke to which evay was alluding has been around just about as long as has Carnegie Hall, if not longer. If you want to pretend that it's too cryptic, well, then... that's up to you.

[Nate the Great]

It's all Greek to me. You guys are my gyros.

[Derek]

εὐχαριστῶ σοί

[Alexia]

Exactly *eyeroll*

Don't worry Nate, I didn't get it either :P But then again, I live in a box.

I don't really have anything I've always wanted to say, probably because I tend to just say things as they pop into my head. Rarely an unvoiced thought.

Yes, this does get me into a whole lot of troube :P

[Chancellor Valium]

Well, Chelsea is also a (rather naff) first name, so...

@Derek: lipon? En arche en ho logos!

[Derek]

No clue what lipon means.

[Alexia]

It's the opposite of lipoff.

[Chancellor Valium]

Originally Posted by Alexia

It's the opposite of lipoff.

Don't be so lipy

It means something like 'well' or 'so', IIRC...

[Nate the Great]

I'd wonder what it's like to live in a box, but I basically do also. I mean, my room is only eight by ten, and it's bedroom, living room, den, yadda yadda.

So is no one going to lynch and/or exalt me for my gyro/hero joke?

[MaverickZer0]

I don't get the joke. However, I vote for lynching because it sounds like a bad one.

I don't have anything I want to say that I don't. Probably because I always say what I feel like saying no matter how bad an idea it is. Which it often is. It's a miracle no one's killed me yet.

[Nate the Great]

After being told time after time that you don't say gyro like it's short for gyroscope, most people around here tend to overpronounce it, transforming into something more closely resembling "yeer-oh." This sorta, vaguely, obscurely rhymes with hero.

We were on a vaguely-Greek topic, so I decided to make an awful pun.

[Katy Jane]

at work people ask all the time, "Do you work here?"

I've always wanted to say, "No i just wear the vest and straighten the shelves for the fun of it."

[Nate the Great]

I feel for ya. In high school and college I tended to go around in polo shirts and khakis, just because I thought that they looked more professional without having the high cleaning bills or monkey suit factor of more formalwear. And yet people were ALWAYS asking if I worked whereever I was, no matter what the official employee shirt color was. I guess that people just have a natural predilection that tall clean-cut guys with glasses will invariably end up in retail. That's just weird.

I suppose it could be considered a compliment, but always considered it an insult to their intelligence. Genuine retail employees generally have nametags and aren't wearing sneakers. Did anyone notice this? Nope. Never.

[Chancellor Valium]

For some bizarre reason, when I ring up people on the phone, they generally assume I'm about 95...It may not help that I usually begin with 'Oh, err, hello...'.

In bookshops, I also tend to open with 'Err, hello. I'd err, I'd like err, err, to buy a book."

I tend to get the 'you-are-a-retard' look/voice back, but it's worth it straining their patience.

Especially when it's something pseudo-obscure...

[Nate the Great]

Having known my share of bipolar people, I will stay out of this one. It's a hornet's nest that I'd really not step into.

Pseudo-obscure? How does that work? Either it's obscure or it's not. Not much middle ground there. Or do you mean that it's probably obscure to the other person, but not to you?

[Chancellor Valium]

Bipolar? Who mentioned bipolar disorders? O_o

As for pseudo-obscure- things like a direct translation of Book X of the Aeneid would count as pseudo-obscure.

[Nate the Great]

I really, REALLY hate the terms "retard" and "retarded." Not for vulgarity reasons per se, more like "horribly imprecise." Some people use them as shortcuts to avoid using more accurate terms that could actually give hints as to how to interact with the sufferers. I jump to "bipolar" as the easiest catchall term that doesn't have negative connotations for me. Besides, most of the "three fries short of a Happy Meal" people I know are bipolar, so that's what I use.