Richardson and the quest... of DOOMMM!

[richardson]

Prologue:

Richardson: Heh... there we go, my new White Ninja Trophy all shiny. *Place-a*
Muse: Sir Richardson!
Richardson: AHHH! How'd you get aboard my ship, past the several hundred marines, through my multi-plexed locked door, saw-tooth redundantly intermeshed security force-fields, and the obquitous swinging blade traps?
Muse: *Rolls eyes, holds up Muse Pass* You, Sir Richardson, are needed for a great and glorious quest! With the powerful Zeke banned from this space-time continuum, havoc has ensued. Furbies are mating Tribbles, pie is mixing with muffins... *Grabs Richardson by the shirt.* KLINGONS ARE PARTYING WITH ROMULANS AND NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER!
Richardson: GAH! The horror! Wait, what does this have to do with me? Shouldn't Ginga and Seko be handling Quests (of DOOMM!) and other such problems?
Muse: Well... err.... their last quest went rather badly, as well as... well, you're the one for this quest, along with Yodck.
Yodck: Called me, did you?
Muse: GAH! How'd he get there?
Richardson: Vulcan Kolinar training, crossed with Yoda level Force Skills. In other words: Don't know, really don't want to find out. So, the quest?
Muse: Just head out to the Mirroraa system, and you'll find the start of your quest. *POOF!*
Richardson: Double great leaping GAH! I hate it when they do that.
Yodck: Job to be done, time not for hiding in the trophy closet.
Richardson: *Taps Badge* Helm, set a course for the Mirroraa system, maximum LUDICROUS SPEED!

To be continued...

[Zeke]

(This is another topic for Misc, so I've moved it.)

[richardson]

Last time:

Richardson: So, you're basicly giving us no clue what this quest of doom is about, right?
Muse: Nope.
Richardson: It had better not have anything to do with these annoying Cylon dudes... I keep on having to photon torpedo them from warp every 33 minutes...


Episode I: The Lost Site!
Richardson Personal Log: After taking several days longer than needed to get to the Mirronia system, mostly due to some borg wannabes who kept on attacking us every 33 minutes, we have at last arrived, to find total chaos. Signs of the powerful master of the Five Minutes, Zeke, fleet nearly totally destroyed in orbit, we have decided to go to 'There is no Spoon' alert, the maximum possible level.
Richardson: Yodck, you're telling me that the fleet has been completely destroyed? What about that big spoon flagship of Zeke's?
Yodck: Spoon there is not!
Richardson: Just because at that alert, doesn't mean you have to say that every time I ask about Zeke's ship...
Yodck: Truth it is. Yourself look upon the lack of spoon.
Richardson: *Lean* Hey... you're right... well, at least he got away. He's probably heading back to earth to end his exile...
Yodck: Think not, do I. Disturbance, I have felt... Comes from planet, does it...
Richardson: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Yodck: Not toy time?
Richardson: Toy time...

*Less than 5 minutes later...*
Viridian Fool: *FWHOOSHA!*
Richardson: I'm driving down the- *PONG!* Ow, Yodck, what was that about?
Yodck: Drive you must, sing, must not. One you are good at, the other causes small forms of life to die.
Richardson: *Grumble-mumble-groan.* hey, look... an odd complex, circular, almost...
Yodck: Pie cleche, perhaps?
Richardson: Well, I see a docking bay. I'll bring our uber-cool, easily hijackable ship in for a landing.
Yodck: Bad feeling, have I...
Richardson: *Hatch-pop* Come on, it's not like we've entered the mirror universe or anything. Not even chakotay comes this far out. It's easily hijackable, not understandable by people with an IQ smaller than an acorn...
Yodck: Point, not taken was it.
Richardson: Um... Hey! Look, a mysterious and dark hall-way. Must be part of our quest. Let's go look inside, as per the mad adventurer rulebook!
Yodck: Bad feeling deja-vu have I...
*Entery-entery...*
Richardson: Okay... why do I suddenly feel really stupid right now?
Yodck: Eiree wind noises perhaps...
Richardson: Nah, that's just the wind. *Vader noise...* Breathing hard... right behind me.. *Turns around.* YOU! *SMACKA!* AH! Jeeze, the front of my face!
Yodck: Hurt not! Too good looking to die! *Smack!*

.......: So predictable... this galaxy will be easy to conquer....

To be continued....


ooooOOOOOoooooo Okay, bad sound effect attempt.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Wacky.

[Chancellor Valium]

And Zany.

I might even go so far as to say novel, original, and imaginitive :twisted:

[richardson]

(And more forthcoming. Sorry about the lack of updating...)

Director: And cut! Wrap it, folks!
Richardson: Ow... jeeze, the front of my face...
Muse: There is no need to say it any more, you don't have to be in character any longer.
Richardson: Oh, YEAH? Let's see if you like it when someone clobbers you in the face with a frying pan.
Director: Okay, and we ar- hey, someone knock him out again!

Episode II: Could be w-*SMACKA!* oops.
Richardson's Personal Log: Owww.... My head feels like I dosed myself with 20 Pan-Galatic Gargle Blasters, despite the physical impossibility that seems to bring.
Yodck: Riiiiccchharrdddssoonnn....
Richardson: Oww... head. clogging. up. from. name. streching!
Yodck: *SMACKA!* AWAKE, MUST YOU!
Richardson: OW! Jeeze, the back of my head!
Yodck: *Watches Richardson conk out again.* Annoying, is it... too many frying pans to the head has he had. Figure this out myself must I.
Creepy Door: *SLAMMA!*
Yodck: Ominous, is it... *Reaches for Saber of Smiting, finds it MIA* Someone pay for this, will they. Explore not lightly, without mighty saber, will I.
Richardson: *Mumble-singing in delerium...* Star Trekkin, across the universe, on the starship Kep Salu...
Yodck: GAH! Annoying and highly dangerous, this room is! *Es-CAPEA!* Odd... looks like huge portal, does this... *Creepa-creepa-creepa...* what? WHAT? Horrifying, is this! *Looks at the thousands of...*

+++We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast, to show another fine Acme disaster zone! *Wile-E-Cyote powers up a new Acme quantum "There is No Spoon" torpedo, and fires it at the Road-Runner. Said Road-runner side-steps it, and the torpedo shoots off into the distance. Wile-E stares at it for a while, before a whooshing noise makes him turn around just in time to see the torpedo finish ultra-low orbiting the planet, and hit him instead.* Now, back to your regularly scheduled disaster quest broadcast+++

Yodck: WAKE UP, MUST YOU! HORROR THERE IS!
Richardson: DOUBLE ZEKEING GAH! What!
Yodck: Facility great, there is, making --

+++SCRHEECHASASHJHKSJKLAHJKHFJKLKSH *Random interferance noises here* EEEASSAKKKKKKKKSHHSHSHSHSHSHHHHHHHH!!!!+++

Richardson: Dear spoon on a stick... This is the horror of every forum goer ever! It's a plot of unprecedented proportions! IT'S! *SMACKA!* Thanks, me, I needed that. Wait...
Evil Giovanni: Hello Again.... *BLAM!*

Dun-dun, dun-dun, da-dun, dumdumdummdadum....

[richardson]

Muse: He's got to stop saying those perfect trouble lines...
'Richardson': So? It gave me a perfect opportunity!
Muse: But you're not supposed to win!
'Richardson': You see, there's a problem with that idea. I've begun reading the Evil Overlord List of Things to Do. Naturally, this place is perfect to trap and capture him, and I'll soon be putting him into lockup, from which there will be no escape this time. *Starts to laugh evilly, until Richardson stirs. At which point... BONK!*

Episode III: Revenge of the Mirror...

'Richardson': So, 'Yodck' how shall we trick them now?
'Yodck': I say we take over the Kep Salu, and use it's awsome abilities to sneak to earth, and steal the federation president, and then lots of pie.
'Richardson': ..... Pie? We only used pie because it's the perfect resonance to gravity, and probability in this universe. We got rid of pie over at home. The president, good idea. Pie is a really bad idea! You know what we did to Zeke.
'Yodck': Well, that was due to the spoon/spork factor. *Beepa!* Hmm... life-signs are stirring in our captive's cell... wanna go watch them suffer while we debate our plan further, like civilized evil overlord partners?
'Richardson': You mean evil overlord and trusted Lt.?
'Yodck': *Puts lightspork back in it's holster before his dark lord can see it.* Err... yes, that's what I meant...

Meanwhile....
+++We interrupt this broadcast with an important- BOOM! Well... there goes our bulliten...+++

*Back in the cell...*
Richardson: I say we take this chamber pot, hide beside the door, you pretend to be sick, and when the guard comes in, I smash him over the head.
Yodck:....
Richardson: Don't make me order you to do it. I'll dress you up in a pink skirt afterwards...
Yodck: Fine.... Erck! *Starts making like he's sick...* AACHSHA! *Rolls on the floor, sick-moaning.*
Richardson: *Hides beside the door, with the nasty stuff set to smack.*
Guard: *Looks in, and consults his list of Evil Henchmen rules. He brings out a radio.* Cell 17BetaTwelver. I've got one of the inmates down here sick, call in a trauma team. Wait... better include 50 guards, as well, the chamber pot is missing, and Richardson's standing behind the door.
Richardson: WHAT!? How'd he know about- D'OH!!!
Guard: The Evil Overlord's list of Henchmen Rules. Now, then, if you would step out from behind the door, and tell that creepy vulcan cross-breed to quit playing sick...
Yodck: Says he, sick I am? Indeed, true it *Hurls...*
Guard: Hmm... *Click.* Better double-time it. The sick routine seems to actually be true for once...

'Richardson': Told you those rules would help.
'Yodck': Torture them. Harm them malicously, and without mercy!
'Richardson': And give them a chance to escape? No, I'm a SMART evil overlord. A hero cannot exploit my weaknesses. Wait, I have none!

To be continued!

[Chancellor Valium]

You, sir, are utterly insane!

Congratulations

[e of pi]

o_O (Historian's Note: First usage of the O_o [Note: Second usage] emoticon.)

[richardson]

Being labeled insane by the most insane members of the most insane forums.

I don't know if that's a good or bad thing...

[Hejira]

It's a thing! Who cares?!

[richardson]

(Before I forget: Cameos!)



Muse: Bad, bad bad! This is NOT how it's supposed to go!
'Richardson': When will you learn that the best plans in the history of the universe are no match for a SMART evil villian!
Muse: Wait... nah... *Whistles innocently...*
'Richardson': Why are you whistling innocently? *Looks at the screens... * Hmmm... don't see anything out of place... Richardson, Yodck....
Muse: *Shrugs, whistling still and trying to keep a straight face.*

Episode IV: A Red Vs. Blue moment (Or... The best laid Plans...)

Richardson: SHHHH! *A shout whispered... that's a new one.*
Yodck: Work not, will this...
Richardson stuffed dummie: ....
Yodck stuffed dummie: .......................
Richardson: It's the perfect plan, no-one will suspect my having put together an explosive device out of that stuff they call food.
Yodck: Sane, not you are. Stupid, are you, hmmm?
Richardson: *Lights fuse with two coconuts previously used to torture him.* Shhhh!
Fuse: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHSHSHH!HHHHHHH!
Yodck: Stay over here will I, though not work will this...
Richardson: *Watches the fuse burn down to the bomb, and then...*
Bomb: KAB-err.. Fizzle...
Richardson: O_o..... that's not right... *Looks at the bomb.* Oh... you've got to be kidding me! *Goes over, kicks it a few times....*

+++ Important message+++
Muse: As you know, in cartoon physics, or any other such physics*Starts doing little pointing thing with a board demonstrating all his points.*, bombs only go off when the most damage potential is possible. Meaning: The biggest boom (Bombs love explosions), the most people hurt (It's what they were made to do), and the most stuff flying like paper planes!
Wile E. Cyote: *sizzle..... sizzle... Holds up sign saying 'Ouchies...'*
Muse: You see? That Quantum torpedo he fired off purposely waited to explode, flying right through Mt. Everest, even, until the point of maxium ouch factor! Now, we return to your regularly scheduled broadcast.
+++End Important Message+++

Bomb: KABOOOOOMMMM!
Richardson: GREAT BUNIONS! AHHHHH! *Sent flying by the huge explosion.*
Yodck: Odd... physically possible that is not... *Steps out into the corridor through the hole blown into the door. Of course, the laws of narrative comedy being what they are, that's exactly when the alarms began to ring.* Crap....

*In Five Minute Voyager Headquarters*
Alarm: WEEP-WEEP-WEEP-WEEP!
Saber: Wooom! SMITE!
Alarm:WAK!
Top Hat Man: Was that the Improbability Alarm?
Ginga: *Looks... O_o....* Um... yes. According to the readings, it's an improbability greater than the Heart of Gold; apparently involving non-flammable, combustable, or anything else-able exploding with the force of a small tactical nuke...
Top Hat Man: That doesn't seem physically possible...
Ginga: That's what the Alarm said. And every law of nature known... before they cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced... I fear we have something terrible happening.

*Control Room*
'Richardson': EGAD! That doesn't seem physically possible! Put the installation on full alert! Lock up the Viridian Fool, and any flyable ship and post 10,000 guards on all critical locations!
'Yodck': Why don't we just use the poison gas?
*On the screen, Yodck uses Vulcan Force powers to dust Richardson off, and get him on his feet. The two immediately preform a standard RPG complete and total strip-looting, and run towards the cell-block exit.*
'Richardson': They have our equipment now...
'Yodck': Right.... okay, this could be problematic... *Light bulb flashes overhead.* Why not just open up the Pits of DOOM!
'Richardson': Excellent idea, my trusted Lt. *Turns to minions.* Activate the PITS OF DOOM! in sections 1-100!
Minons: Yes, dark lord!
'Richardson': Now we have them. At least their target will likely be the control room.
'Yodck': And how is that a good thing?
'Richardson': Evil Overlord Rule number 65.
'Yodck': We are evil, aren't we?

*Meanwhile, on the Kep Salu*
Lt. Redshirt: Well, it's been 3 hours. Shouldn't we go down and rescue those two?
Crewmember: Be my guest, just remember what role you signed up for.
Lt. Redshirt: Yeah.... on second thought, let's just stay here...

*In the Compound of Pi...*
Richardson: You know, it's a good thing we keep along the walls.... otherwise we would have fallen right on into that one pit.
('Richardson': Will those two ever DIE!?)
Yodck: Smart, am I, hmmm?
('Richardson':..... I cannot belive those two actually managed to get so far, ah, well, more fun for me. Transporter room, you know where to send me... *WHEEEEM!*)
Richardson: Yeeeeaaah.... sure... keep telling yourself that. We're almost to that room marked Sewage Overflow Containment. That's got to be a code-word for the Control Room....

To be continued...

Dun-dun, dun-dun, da-dun, dumdumdummdadum....

[richardson]

I see I have so utterly freaked everyone out that they cannot think of witty replies.

*Vader voice* Once I was but the learner, but now I am the master.

Yodck:*Kenobi voice*: Only a master of being not right in the head, Doof.

Richardson: *Vader voice*: What made you think I meant anything diffrent?

Yodck: *Headslap.*

[Chancellor Valium]

You silly, twisted boy, you.
[/Grytpype-Thynne]

[PointyHairedJedi]

You get a banoffee pie for that one.

Oh, I suppose I shall give one to you too, richardson, for being plainly strange (but not strangely plain).

[Chancellor Valium]

Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi

You get a banoffee pie for that one.

Oh, I suppose I shall give one to you too, richardson, for being plainly strange (but not strangely plain).

Thank you...Ooh! It's not set!

[richardson]

Tucker: Are you sure this is the way back to Blood Gultch? Looks more like a desert to me...
Church: What do you think Blood Gultch is?
Tucker: Eh, good point...
Muse: Hey! What are you two doing here? You're in the wrong cannon!
Church: And you would be?
'Richardson': I have him now, the multiverse will be MINE! *Evil laughter*
Church, Tucker & Muse: O_o.......
Tucker: Please tell me that wasn't O'malley...
Muse: I wish it was O'malley....
Church: You know, let's just head.... *points randomly.* That way.
Tucker: Ditto.

Episode V: The Clones Strike Back
Richardson: *Holds nose* Great... he innovated off the evil overlord list of things to do. Not only is this the torture chamber, it's also really IS the main sewage overflow containment...
Yodck: Told you so, would I say, but insufficient is it.
Richardson: Okay, plan B is to check the room marked as Execution chamber across the hall.
Yodck: .....
Richardson: Fine, what would you suggest we do?
Yodck: Go home, forget about Zeke.
Richardson: But we've been charged with a quest... *Heroic uplifting music begins as Richardson puts his MP3 player badge on the floor and sets it to broadcast.* It is our duty and responsibility to find the mighty zeke, and to put balance back into the universe! No matter what the odds, no-
Yodck: *groan.* Fine. Do this will I.
Richardson: About time... *Looks through the hall.* We're clear. Don't forget to watch out for the huge pit-part. *Jumps over and grabs onto the door.*
Yodck: *Force-levitates over.*
Richardson: Showoff.

++At 'Richardsons' ambush point...++
'Richardson': You mean to tell me that they're actually falling the example on the list? Well that's just great. They'll be in one of the secondary execution chambers.
'Yodck': *Comm hiss* By the way, there is more... um... he's here....
'Richardson':Who?
'Yodck': HIM! The one you allied with, the guy who's got the fleet waiting to cross over from the other side to try and take over again!
'Richardson':HIM!? He's not supposed to be here until tuesday!
'Yodck':That rule only applies for parts.
'Richardson': I take it we'll have to provide cover for his ship to land?
'Yodck': It's already here...
'Richardson': I was in the docking bay, and never saw it come down, he can't possibly be here.
*Mysterious figure*: Hello.
'Richardson': I don't even want to know how you managed to sneak up on me in my own base...
*Mysterious figure*: *Really creepy evil laugh* Yes, I have indeed become powerful, and now... the Fiver-verse will be mine! *Insane evil laugh!*

**Back at 5MV Headquarters**
'Seko': I'm telling you, one doesn't hear ultra-evil laughter echoing through the fabric of the universe unless something really bad is happening.
Ginga: But it's simply not possible for sound to travel through a vacuum.
Seko: Tell that to BSG, SW, ST, B5, and all those other Sci-Fi shows.
Ginga: Well.... alright, I'll have to give you that one.
KGM: Guys! It's happening again! The Improbability indicator is screaming about a returning villian, laughter traveling through a vacuum, mirror universe cross-overs, and all sorts of bad mojo going down!
LORD Vader: *Pokes in.* You had better track the individuals responsible down. I am becoming displeased with the numerous interruptions of my sleep.
Ginga: And, on the topic of where things are, has anyone seen Zeke lately?
Everyone:..... oops... that can't be good.

**Back at the Mirrona Prime Base**
Richardson: That evil laughter was coming from near our ship! He's going to steal it, run off, and explode the base, we have to move!
Yodck: You have to move. Float I do.
Richardson: Don't make me sit on you...*looks at the map.* We're looking for hanger AA23... wait, where have I heard that number before?
Yodck: Leia's prison block that was...
Richardson: Must be cooinicdence.... Let's go!

TBC....

[richardson]

Another update completed! Now I'm caught back up with seko's quest, and soon I shall exceed it!

For my quest will never end! *Thinks about singing the quest that never ends song, before yodck pre-emptively shuts him up with a frying pan.*

Yodck: Be ready, as the quest move to mainstream 5MV will be.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Is there even such a thing as 'mainstream' on this site?

[e of pi]

THERE IS NO STREAM!