Janeway: Thomas Eugene Paris, for failing to satisfy this season's P/T quota, I hereby demote you to Ensign.
Paris: Hmm...do I still outrank Harry?
Janeway: Are you kidding? Even Naomi Wildman outranks Harry. I now sentence you to thirty days of angst.
Paris: How about twenty?
Janeway: No! Didn't you see the title? Yeesh.
Paris: Eew! Leola root stew again? Janeway must be really angry with me, huh Neelix?
Neelix: Sorry -- she's forbidden me to talk to you.
Paris: Okay, so I guess she's not THAT angry with me...
Paris: Hi, Dad! Sucks to be me -- time for a flashback!
Delaney Sisters: Harry, we're going to tie you up and make you our slave.
Kim: Sounds good to me!
Paris: Harry scoring with women? I'll fix that. Captain Proton to the rescue!
Kim: Aw, nuts.
Chakotay: (over the comm) Okay, enough feeding the fanboys with the Delaney sisters. Get to the bridge, you two.
Paris: Aw, nuts.
Janeway: Look, it's a floating ball of water.
Staff: Ooooo. Ahhhhh.
Burkus: Scram! I hate tourists!
Janeway: We're not tourists, we're...uh...just passing by and we want to see your ocean.
Burkus: Nice try, tourist.
Janeway: If you let us look around, I'll send Tom to create some political upheaval.
Burkus: Okay.
Paris: So what's with the ocean?
Burkus: Beats me. We just live in it.
Paris: Doesn't it need maintenance or anything?
Burkus: Meh. Probably. I'm just a politician.
Paris: In that case, I'll hang out with the smart one.
Riga: Hi.
Paris: Can we do a J/P scene? Can we? Huh? Huh?
Janeway: All right, already. Yeesh.
Paris: Woo hoo! Guess what -- my father's a jerk.
Janeway: Yeah, yeah...now, can you take the Delta Flyer into the ocean?
Paris: Of course. Space, water -- what's the difference?
Janeway: Riiight. Now scram.
Janeway: Your ocean is shrinking.
Burkus: No, it's not.
Janeway: Yes, it is. Look -- there's water leaking out of it right now.
Burkus: No, there's not.
Janeway: Sigh. I hate politicians.
Paris: WHEEEE!
Crew: Sigh.
Riga: Wow -- there's a technobabble thingie down here.
Paris: Uh oh. There's also a giant eel.
Sea Monster: Gulp. Chomp. Munch. ZAP!
Delta Flyer: Eat this!
(Sea Monster retreats)
Kim: We're in big trouble. We'll either have to float to the surface or stay down here and possibly die.
Paris: Ooh! I like the second one!
Crew: Sigh.
Burkus: I'll tell the (snicker) committee about your findings. I'm sure they'll take immediate (snicker) action. Bwahahahaha! I mean...scram.
Paris: Grrr. Let's do it anyways.
Janeway: Knock it off, Lieutenant. Prime Directive and all.
Paris: Huh? Oh -- you're actually following that today.
Janeway: Yup. And just to tick you off, too.
Paris: Grrr.
Dream Admiral Paris: You've been a bad, bad, boy, Tom....
Dream Janeway: ....Go to your room.
Paris: Now that's just creepy.
Kim: Hey, Tom. I got the Captain to let me come visit you.
Paris: Cool -- what did you have to do to get her to agree to that?
Kim: Well, she said she would have to keep me an ensign for the rest of the series.
Paris: Meh. It's probably just an empty threat.
Kim: Yeah. Anyways, here's some more angst.
Paris: Thanks.
Paris: Sigh.
Torres: Will a P/T scene cheer you up?
Paris: Nope.
Torres: Then become a vigilante and go save the ocean anyways.
Paris: I like it! Wanna come with?
Torres: And risk getting demoted? Nuh-uh.
Paris: Hmm...I'll have to steal the Delta Flyer. That could be a problem.
Torres: You're kidding, right?
Paris: Yeah. Janeway's dog could steal a shuttle on this ship.
Chakotay: Tom's stealing the Delta Flyer.
Janeway: What? Why didn't you stop him?
Tuvok: That would require security measures in the shuttle bays.
Janeway: Oh, right.
Tuvok: He's getting away!
Chakotay: Ooh! Let's shoot at him! That'll teach him to feed the J/Pers.
Janeway: I don't know...
Kim: Captain, I don't think we should fire on Tom.
Janeway: In that case...bombs away!
Janeway: You're in big trouble, mister. I can't have people just doing whatever the hell they want.
Paris: Why not? You do.
Janeway: Yeah, well...um...I'm the Captain. On this ship, people do what I tell them.
Paris: No, they don't. What about Chakotay in "Maneuvers," Tuvok in "Prime Factors," Harry in "Favorite Son," B'Elanna in "Prototype," Seven in "Prey," Neelix in "Fair Trade"...
Janeway: Silence, you pinhead! For trying to argue for consistency, I hereby demote you. HA!
Torres: Tough break, Tom.
Paris: Don't worry, she'll get hers. Wait 'till you see "Counterpoint" -- she's going to have the J/Cers on her tail.
Tuvok: Okay, you've had enough angst. You can come out now.
Paris: Sweet! Can I have my pip back?
Tuvok: No!
Paris: Rats. Will I get promoted before Harry?
Tuvok: You haven't seen "Warhead" or "Nightingale," have you?
Paris: Point taken.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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