Five-Minute "Hope and Fear"

by Zeke

Chakotay: Still no luck with the secret message?
Janeway: Nope. When we do get it, it better be good.

Neelix: This convenient alien can translate anything!
Janeway: Spoken languages, or computer languages?
Arturis: Either way, I'm easy.
Janeway: That is convenient.

Arturis: Hey, a Borg! And cute, too!
Seven: Just translate the message.
Arturis: Done. Can I get back to ogling you now?

Paris: Okay, we're where the message said to go. Hey, a Starfleet ship!
Everybody: Ooooooo.

Chakotay: This ship is so cool! Whoops.
Paris: All right, who let him near the flight systems?

Admiral Hayes: This ship rocks and yours doesn't, so use it to get home. Bye.
Janeway: Talkative guy.

Seven: If you ask me, you people are all idiots.
Kim: Yeah, but we didn't ask you.

Janeway: This all seems pretty convenient. Think we're getting too excited and setting ourselves up for a fall?
Tuvok: Nah.

Captain's Log: So far, so good.
Seven's Log: I don't think so.

Seven: Won't you be in trouble if you go back to Earth?
Torres: So will you. Who cares?

Seven: I'm not coming.
Janeway: Oh yes you are.
Seven: Bite me.
Janeway: Chicken.
Seven: Nyaa nyaa.

Janeway: Hey, I found a secret part of the secret message.
Admiral Hayes: Sorry, guys, but we suck too much to get you home. Good luck.
Seven: Boy, he really is talkative.

Janeway: You screwed us over!
Arturis: No I didn't! Um -- Seven did!
Janeway: Usually, but not this time. Take him away, boys.
Arturis: Oh no you don't! Let's get this show on the road!
Janeway: Uh oh. Harry, beam everybody out, but conveniently fail to get Seven and me!

Chakotay: Follow them.
Paris: With the untested new drive? Won't we explode or something?
Kim: Nah, we'll be fine as long as Chakotay doesn't get near the pilot console.

Janeway: What did we do to deserve this?
Arturis: You got my entire species wiped out by the Borg.
Janeway: Oh, that. So what now?
Arturis: I'm going to get you wiped out by the Borg.
Janeway: I want a second opinion.

Tuvok: Here we go!
Everybody: Wheeeeeeee!

Janeway: Well, do you still want to rejoin the Borg?
Seven: Nah. They suck. And I have to admit that you don't.
Janeway: I like you too. Let's blow this joint.
Seven: Uh oh, I can't stop the ship. We're screwed!
Janeway: Maybe not. I'll try having a Compassionate Talk with the evil alien.

Janeway: Come on, stop the ship!
Arturis: Fat chance. Uh oh, those other jerks are back! I'd better shoot you.
Janeway: Too late. Bye!

Borg: We're Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Arturis: Aw, nuts.

Captain's Log: So much for him. Nyaa nyaa.

Seven: Nuts, I still suck.
Janeway: It's okay, nobody cares.
(Voyager blasts off at reasonably Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Links:

• Trek Nation guide page
• Printable version

Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Zeke.

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