Five-Minute "Drone"

by Nan

Doc: Cool beans! Field trip! Wanna demonstration of my newest Annoying Hobby? Do ya? Huh? Huh? Do ya?

Torres: Urp...I'm...gonna....
Paris: Woohoo! Hairpin turns at Mach Three!

Torres: WAAAAH!
Doc: Like I said, Seven -- I'm a chick magnet.

Torres: Queasy...nauseous...claustrophobic...this shuttle sucks.
Seven: Build a different one.
Torres: Is this a segue to the Delta Flyer?
Paris: Nah.

Doc: Say cheese, everyone!
Seven: You suck.
Doc: You have cute dimples.
Seven: On second thought -- Cheese!

Nebula: Hey, cool! Small object with credited actors! Looks like it's time for everyone's favorite: "What's That Plot Complication?"

Chakotay: Hi folks. Are we grotesquely injured?
Mulchaey: Not yet, sir, but I'm working on it.

Torres: Yeah, yeah, I'll fix your mobile emitter. Right after I go to bed, eat breakfast, take a shower...

Torres: Wha? Oh, Doc, is it time for Gratuitous Skin?
Doc: Nope, that's the next scene.

Seven: Oo...no more cheesecake before regeneration...no, wait! That's a Borg thingie!

Kim: Feel my power, minions! Hi, Commander.
Chakotay: Um, Harry? What's with the "I'm Da King" T-shirt and "Lord of the Gamma Shift" crown?

Mulchaey: Oo...spellbound by pretty green lights--GACK!
Seven: Okay! Definitely not the cheesecake!

Doc: Borg loose in the science lab, and Mulchaey isn't answering? Oh, no! My mobile emitter!

Seven: It's disconcerting when bits of you show up on someone else...

Mulchaey: Gurgle...
Seven: Ooh, Creepy Borg Fetus #1!

Doc: My mobile emitter is gestating? A new lifeform? I'll never pick up chicks again!

Seven: My nanoprobes were mixed with the Doc's emitter. An unforseeable accident.
Janeway: So were you, probably. Kids today. Have you told Mulchaey about this?

Tuvok: Uh, Captain? I don't know if this is a healthy environment for raising an inherently dangerous--
Janeway: Zip it!

Torres: Seven, you suck.
Seven: I had, like, nothing to do with this!
Torres: You still suck.

Tuvok: Has it created a plot complication yet?
Seven: No. I [TECH]ed it.

Doc: This situation couldn't possibly get any worse!
Seven: The kid'll die if we take the emitter out.
Doc: Going down....

Janeway: Hey, cool beans! With all this tech, he's even more of a deus ex machina than you!
Seven: Yeah. Let's kill it.
Janeway: I haven't decided he's evil yet.
Seven: Nuts.

Janeway: There is another option: a hideously risky scheme.
Seven: Cool.
Janeway: We're gonna indoctrinate the kid.
Seven: You're crazy.
Janeway: He's just like you.
Seven: Okay.
Janeway: It's also your job.
Seven: Nuts.

One: We are Borg.
Seven: We are individuals.
One: We are Borg.
Seven: We are individuals.
One: We are Borg.
Tuvok: Um...hint, hint, Seven.

Tuvok: That's it? Just stick the tubes in him?
Seven: No. It's far more sophisticated. Now hold still for mommy's little nanoprobes...

Torres: Come to think of it, Borg suck.

One: Borg.
Seven: Individual.
One: But--
Seven: Don't make me change mah tone, boy!

One: Where did I come from?
Doc: Well, there was a stork, a Borg, an emitter, a transporter....

One: I fixed your problem.
Torres: Temporary suspension of the "you suck" verdict.

Janeway: One's as cute as a bug's ear. Must get it from Mulchaey.

Borg Collective: Dude...what's with the Borg signal?
Borg Collective: We dunno. Let's go check it out.
Borg Collective: Okay.

Janeway: He alerted the Borg. Let's kill something!

One: Hey cool. A hive mind.
Janeway: It sucks. Trust me.
Chakotay: Plot complication alert!

Janeway: They're breaking my ship! Time to crack open a can of whupass!
Seven: Agreed. There can only be one Queen!

One: I've decided: Borg suck. I'll go risk my life since my instinct for self-preservation apparently hasn't kicked in yet.
Janeway and Seven: Okay.

Borg: You will be assimilated. Resistence is futile.
One: Make me! On second thought, I'll make you!

Seven: That's my boy!
Paris: Looks like they're heading for total oblivion.
Seven: Aw, heck!

Kim: He's alive! That was my only line.

One: Did I blow'd it up, mommy?
Seven: Yes, muffin.
One: Cool beans. I gotta die now.
Seven: Hey!

One: I suck, so I'm saving your life. Cough, wheeze...

Seven: My life sucks. Next week: B'Elanna's life sucks.
(Voyager limps off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Links:

• Trek Nation guide page
• Printable version

Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Nan.

Site navigation:
Home
___ Five-Minute Voyager
___ ___ Season 5
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Drone"