Five-Minute "Displaced"

Paris: Don't yell at me, B'Elanna, I just wanted an excuse to see you in that outfit.
Alien: I hate to interrupt a P/T moment, but is this the ship that will take any alien that pretends to be innocent?
Torres: Yep.
Alien: Excellent.

Captain: Are you going to try to take over the ship, Mr. Alien?
Alien: No.
Tuvok: Illogical.
Computer: In case you haven't noticed, Kes vanished when the alien arrived.

Torres: Harry, am I a meanie?
Kim: Why did Tom have to say that? Now I'm gonna get killed for it!
Torres: Hey! Don't go, Harry!

Janeway: Tuvok, our people keep disappearing.
Tuvok: As am I.

Torres: All righty, Captain, we're here. Dazzle us with your wisdom.
Janeway: I have a knot in my stomach -- these aliens may be responsible. Tom, stop making faces at B'Elanna.

Torres: Captain, before you disappear I'd like some help from the alien doc.
Neelix: Go bug B'Elanna.
Torres: Hey! You are the cause! I knew it all along.
Alien: Took you long enough. Bye!

Janeway: Hey, wanna trade your portal detection device for this fruit basket?
Weird Alien: Mmm, fruit. It's a deal!

Torres: I apologize.
Doc: Hey Paris, Torres said she hates you.
Paris: I hate you too! Bye!
Doc: Did I do that? Hee hee!

Tuvok: I can make a phaser from scratch.
Chakotay: Hee hee. Can I call you MacGyver?

Doc: I found the portal! Can I go now?

Janeway: For the sake of P/T everywhere, Tom and B'Elanna will be on the same team. Tuvok, you're with me.

Paris: Wow, look at this environment!
Weird Alien: It sucks.

Janeway: Okay, I've figured out how to work the mega-computer.
Tuvok: Impressive.
Janeway: Whoops, I triggered an alarm!
Tuvok: That wasn't very logical, now was it?

Aliens: Which way did they go?
Weird Alien: Thataway!

Janeway: I know how to translocate people now.
Tuvok: Impressive.

Paris: Let's ditch them in this cold environment.
Torres: As long as you warm me up when I go numb.

Janeway: I am detecting human life forms in the cold environment. Could be Tom and B'Elanna.
Tuvok: Impressive.
Janeway: They'll freeze.
Tuvok: Meh.

Torres: I'm getting sleepy.
Paris: You'll die! Here, let me hold you.
Extras in Background: Hee hee hee! How cute!

Aliens: It's cold in here!
Janeway: Tough.

Captain's Log: We won.

Torres: Sorry for being a jerk.
Paris: It's okay, I'm a jerk too.
Tuvok: Impressive.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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This fiver was originally published on September 21, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.