5M^_^: This Just In

FIVE-MINUTE ANIME: THIS JUST IN

DECEMBER 31, 2009 PAGE

Next Generation anime (cont.)

endless recursion of time. Just as in the original episode, the Enterprise will eventually escape. We've decided to add a few iterations, partly since seventeen days only gives us room for half a season, but mostly to keep it going until we can afford Kelsey Grammer for the final episode. Don't worry, though. We haven't made a final decision yet, but we're probably looking at fewer than 500 episodes."

Although pressed, Mr. Hatta stood his ground. "You just wait -- we're going to viral-market this like there's no tomorrow. Neon Generation will be the biggest hit of the year. Of the years 2010 to 2027, in fact."

Unlike most anime series, the new Star Trek show will be dubbed first in English so that the Next Generation actors can reprise their roles. The episodes will then air in Japan after being run through Babelfish three times and re-dubbed by people who only speak Ukranian, following the standard practice of the dubbing industry.

Brannon Braga, author of the original "Cause and Effect" episode, has no objections to the new project. "I'm getting royalties, and since I won't be involved with the actual show, someone else can deal with the hate mail and death threats for once. Besides, from the sound of this thing, it just might teach people the REAL meaning of bad Star Trek. No, I loved doing Trek, but I'm plenty happy now -- working with Manny on 24, walking my dog, and pretending Jeri and I are still dating. Ahh."

"Needs more giant robots," said Sunrise, Inc. president Kenji Uchida. "Ideally with schoolgirls piloting them."

"This should work as long as they don't end it the same way as the original episode," said a spokesman for Studio GAINAX. "The premise sounds appealing enough, but what fans really want is a bizarre ending that makes no sense." Writer Ronald D. Moore, who was also present, agreed.

"I, Koshi Rikdo, give permission for The Next Generation to be made into an anime," announced Excel Saga author Koshi Rikdo, whom nobody asked.

"They're just going to keep the characters' names the same?" asked a spokesman for 4Kids Entertainment. "That's no good. Kids can't relate to foreign names like 'Jean-Luc' and 'Worf'. Call them Billy and Suzanne, and then show the episodes out of order." Mr. Hatta rolled his eyes at this comment, remarking, "Amateurs. You only show them out of order when it's artsy."

"I'm so happy," said actress Marina Sirtis, bursting into tears. "This is just what I needed. I've had no work at all since the last movie. Now I have a steady paycheck for the next eighteen years! Hmm, I wonder how many episodes that'll be? There are probably 26 a year, maybe a couple extra for the finale... carry the four..."

High school student Yuki Nagato claimed, "We have been caught in an [story continues on page 1]

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