Kirk: All right Spock, why don't you give us some background?
Spock: Mass insanity has been traveling from planet to planet in a straight line. It's now headed for Deneva, and so are we.
Kirk: I meant background music, but information's good too.
Denevan Pilot: (over the comm) Free at last! I'm free at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm GAK!
Kirk: Thank God I'm GAK?
Sulu: Um.... He's dead, Jim.
McCoy: Hey! That's my line!
Sulu: Sorry.
McCoy: Now to heighten the tension by adding a personal element to the situation. Ahem. Jim, doesn't your brother live on Deneva?
Kirk: I have a brother?
Sulu: Had a brother.
McCoy: Shh! We're not supposed to know that yet.
Sulu: Sorry.
Aurelan: (over the comm) Help! Please hurry! Help!
Kirk: Hmm...a chick in trouble. Sounds like I've found my love interest for this week.
Spock: But Captain, she's already married....
Kirk: Rats.
Spock: ...to your brother.
Kirk: I have a brother?
Sulu: Had a brother.
McCoy: Haven't we been through this before?
McCoy: Now for my tagline. Ahem. I'm a doctor, not a...
Kirk: Wrong tagline.
McCoy: Oh, right. He's dead, Jim.
Kirk: Who?
McCoy: Your brother, and, before you ask, yes, you do have a brother.
Sulu: (over the comm) Had a brother.
McCoy: AAAARRGGHH!
Captain's log: My brother's dead, my sister-in-law's dying, my nephew's in a coma, and everyone on Deneva is insane. In other news, the Klingons defeated the Romulans 14-7 in today's big game...
Sulu: Wait a minute, shouldn't you at least show some concern for your family?
Kirk: Hey! Get out of my captain's log!
Aurelan: The evil creatures came eight months ago and they're using pain to force us to do whatever they want us to do. GAK!
Kirk: That's it? She's dead? I was expecting at least an emotionally charged plea that I stop the creatures.
Aurelan: Oh, by the way, please please PLEASE (sob) DON'T LET THEM GO ANY FURTHER! GAK!
Kirk: There it is.
Creature: ATTACK!
Spock: Ouch!
Kirk: I can't believe it; there are three redshirts here and the creature attacks Spock!
Chapel: Spock's so handsome, isn't he.
McCoy: Uh, yeah. Now let's see if we can help him.
Chapel: Handsome handsome handsome...
McCoy: Sigh.
Chapel: Spock! You're awake! How are you feeling?
Spock: Who, me? I'm fine. Now excuse me while I TAKE OVER THE SHIP!
Chapel: Right.
Kirk: It was naughty for you to try to take over the ship. Bad Spock! No dessert for a week!
Spock: But it wasn't my fault! The creature made me do it!
McCoy: I'll have to remember that next time I do something bad: "The creature made me do it! The creature made me do it!"
Scotty: Spock! You're up! How are you feeling?
Spock: Who, me? I'm fine. Now excuse me while I NERVE-PINCH THIS REDSHIRT AND BEAM DOWN TO THE PLANET!
Scotty: Right.
Spock: Here creature creature creature...
Creature: Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for that.
Spock: I've got some pie for you.
Creature: Oooh... pie!
Spock: These creatures are giant brain cells. The existence of a brain indicates intelligence. Logic dictates that we should attempt to communicate with this brain.
Kirk: Screw logic, how do we kill it. Them. Whatever.
McCoy: The Denevan pilot flew his shuttle into the sun and said he was free. So something to do with the sun kills the creatures.
Kirk: Hmm, the sun. It's bright!
Spock: The term "obvious" comes to mind.
McCoy: Turns out you were right, Jim. Light kills them.
Kirk: Ha! Kirk 1, Spock 0!
McCoy: Now to test the theory on Spock. Let's put on goggles so the light doesn't blind us.
Spock: Hey! Don't I get some goggles too?
McCoy: Nope. That, uh, would keep the light from killing the creature. Yeah, that's it.
Spock: Right.
Spock: The creature's dead, but I'm blind.
McCoy: Bwahaha! I mean, oh no! That's too bad! But there was no other way to kill it.
Chapel: The results came back from the lab. They show that we can use ultra-violet light to kill the creatures, so Spock didn't have to be blinded.
McCoy: Shh! Not now!
Captain's Log: Now for your Denevan weather forecast. Expect it to be VERY sunny today. You giant evil brain cell creatures may want to stay inside today, or, better yet, DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Sulu: Captain, have you considered the effect of ultraviolet light on human skin? We're talking an epidemic of skin cancer.
Kirk: Hey! What did I tell you about my logs?
Kirk: Fire!
Ultra-Violet Satellites: Bang!
Creatures: GAK!
Sulu: They're dead, Jim.
Kirk: Quiet you! That's Dr. McCoy's line and you've already far exceeded your quota of lines for this episode.
Spock: I'm not blind anymore.
McCoy: Rats! I mean, uh, hooray! Yeah. (to Kirk) That no-good, pointy-eared, green-blooded, son-of-a-Vulcan; he can't even stay blind.
Spock: I heard that.
McCoy: Uh...the creature made me do it!
Spock: Right.
(The Enterprise warps off at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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