Five-Minute "Cause and Effect"

by Kira

Captain's Log: See? We didn't just blow up! Ha! So there!

Data: Five aces. I win.
Riker: Data, are you cheating?
Data: Nah. I'm saving that for later.
Nurse Ogawa: (over the comm) Doctor, Geordi's whining again.
Crusher: Sigh. Tell me something I don't know.

Crusher: La de da de do.
Voices: You need singing lessons, lady.
Crusher: What the...?

Data: The sensors can't find anything. I believe the Doctor is nuts.
Picard: I concur.

Data: Let's do my idea.
Picard: Agreed.
Data: Ha! Data 2, Riker 0!
Riker: How did you get 2? You're not supposed to know that.
Enterprise: KA-BLAM!

Captain's Log: This area of space is unexplored, but somehow I have the feeling we'll be running into another Starfleet vessel.

Riker: Crapcrapcrapcrap...I mean, I raise you 50.
Crusher: You're bluffing.
Riker: Gasp! How did you know?

La Forge: Waaaah. My visor's all weird.
Crusher: This seems familiar....
La Forge: That's because I whine a lot.
Crusher: Yeah, but that's not it....

Crusher: I heard voices.
Picard: Could this have anything to do with those magic mushrooms you're growing in Sickbay?
Crusher: Well, I...aw, dammit.

Data: Your idea's stupid.
Riker: No, yours is!
Data: No, yours is!
Picard: Oh, enough already. Data's way smarter than you, Riker.
Data: Ha! Data 3, Riker 0!
Enterprise: KA-BLAM!

Captain's Log: WHEEE! Again! Again!

Crusher: Watch this -- a ten, a seven, and a Queen.
Data: And you thought I was cheating?
Crusher: Wait a minute. Ogawa, is Geordi whining again?
Ogawa: (over the comm) No.
La Forge: (over the comm) Waaaah! My visor's all weird.
Ogawa: I stand corrected.

Crusher: I heard voices in my quarters.
La Forge: (over the comm) Suuuuure. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Crusher: Stop that!

Data: The voices the Doctor heard were of people getting it on.
Picard: Could you tell who they belonged to?
Data: To us, sir.
Crusher: "Us" on the ship or "us" in this room?
Riker: Uh, Captain...does Data have to answer that?

La Forge: We're in a time loop, so doing anything is pointless because we've probably already tried it.
Picard: Nice try, you slacker. Find a way to send a message into the next loop.

Picard: Data, do your thing.
Data: Ha! Data 4, Riker 0!
Picard: This time for sure!
Enterprise: Hmm...nope. KA-BLAM!

Captain's Log: If a ship blows up in a time loop, does anybody care?

Crusher: Oo! Oo! I know what the cards are going to be. A ten, a seven, a Queen, and a joker.
Worf: We're not playing with jokers.
Crusher: Oh. Well, never mind then.

Data: We're getting what could be a message from the previous loop, but I think it's phony.
Picard: What does it say?
Data: "Listen to Riker."
Picard: That can't be right. Could you be missing a "don't" somewhere?

Data: Captain, let's do Riker's idea so he'll shut up.
(They avoid the oncoming ship)
Data: Ha! Data 5, Riker 1!
Riker: Hey! No fair! You're giving yourself a point when it was my idea that saved the ship!
Data: Yeah, but I'm the one who figured it out.
Riker: But...aw, crud.

Captain Bateson: You morons! You almost hit us!
Picard: Why should we care? That old rustbucket you're driving is no match for the Enterprise.
Bateson: The Enterprise? Oh my God! Kirk -- you've lost all your hair!
(The Enterprise and the Bozeman sail away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Links:

• Trek Nation guide page
• Printable version

Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Kira.

Site navigation:
Home
___ Five-Minute Next Generation
___ ___ Season 5
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Cause and Effect"