Mega Man: I can't believe robots are destroying the city again!
Roll: I know... it's always robots attacking humans. Why don't humans ever kill humans anymore?
Auto: And killing humans is so much work, too!
Mega Man and Roll: ...
Auto: Forget I said that. You'd better go, Mega Man. Want this hat?
Mega Man: No, I'll stick with my own.
Auto: It's an invincible hat....
Mega Man: I said no.
Dr. Light: Mega Man! Quick, help me!
Mega Man: Are you hurt?
Dr. Light: No, I'm just too overweight to get up on my own. Listen... Wily has escaped.
Mega Man: You mean he's the one behind this?
Dr. Wily: I'm actually behind you. In a saucer. Doing my eyebrow thing.
Mega Man: (GASP) Oh no! The eyebrow thing!
Dr. Light: You'd better go after him. I'm afraid I don't have any upgrades for you this time....
Mega Man: Don't tell me. You've spent all your time working on X instead, right?
Dr. Light: He must have capsules! Hundreds of them! But I'm sure you can defeat Wily's four Robot Masters as you are.
Mega Man: Four Robot Masters?
Dr. Light: Weird, I know.
Mega Man: I hope the intro's over now. I'm getting tired of -- who the heck?
Bass: I'm Bass. And you must be my rival, Mega Man.
Mega Man: I didn't know I had a rival....
Bass: You do now. He's me. Bass.
Mega Man: Then you're out to get Wily too?
Bass: And to boast about the greatness of me, Bass.
Mega Man: Whatever, just stay out of my way. And your little dog too.
Treble: GRRRR....
(ZAP)
Burst Man: Well, well. Mega Man the Robot Master Slayer, I presume.
Mega Man: Hola. Burst Man, right?
Burst Man: I am The Burst Evil. I have chosen now to attack you, as there is a weakness in the Mega Man line.
Mega Man: What, because they started the X series while the current series was still running?
Burst Man: Precisely. Now prepare to -- OW! You're not supposed to be able to touch me!
Mega Man: I don't think the parody carries that far.
Proto Man: Hi, bro. I'll be appearing to give you advice.
Mega Man: This better turn out to be more useful than that Energy Balancer thing.
Proto Man: My first piece of advice is to try using the fire weapon in the forest. I think it says something about you that you wouldn't have figured that out yourself.
Mega Man: I don't suppose what it says is that I'm considerate of the environment?
Proto Man: Heheheh no.
Cloud Man: Hey! You! Get offa my cloud!
Mega Man: Sorry. I'm trying to figure out what to hit you with, aside from Danger Wrap, which couldn't possibly work.
Cloud Man: I don't know, trapping me in bubbles with bombs sounds quite effective.
Mega Man: What's this about bombs?
Junk Man: Time to die! Beware my -- SHEEEEYAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!
Mega Man: Note to self: Thunder Bolt is very, very, very good.
Freeze Man: Just to give you fair warning, any jokes about a "chilly reception" or whatever are grounds for instant death.
Mega Man: Don't worry, I was going to give you the same warning. I even brought this Junk Shield to block any stray ice jokes.
Freeze Man: Um, can you back up a bit? I'd rather not be close to that thing. No particular reason, of course.
Mega Man: Now that you mention it, no, I can't.
Mega Man: Okay, I beat the Robot Masters.
Dr. Light: And just in time, too. Wily's hitting the Robot Museum, where all your past enemies are stored.
Mega Man: But... but I blew up all my past enemies.
Dr. Light: They got put back together or something. Just go with it.
Mega Man: Wily! Get back here with Guts Man!
Dr. Wily: Not likely. I'm going to rebuild him so he's better than ever!
Mega Man: He'd pretty much have to be. It took maybe three Hyper Bombs to kill him last time.
Dr. Wily: Well, you'll sure need more than three Slash Claws this time.... oops. Forget that part and fight a clown miniboss.
Mega Man: Clown m-- you're completely out of ideas, aren't you?
Dr. Wily: You have no idea. Nor do I.
Dr. Light: You're back just in time. Wily's released four more Robot Masters.
Mega Man: Figures.
Mega Man: Burning down a forest is fun. Hey, is that...
Beat: Twee!
Mega Man: Beat! Who stuck you in this cage? Hold still, I'll get you out.
Beat: Twee twee tweeee twee?
Mega Man: No, I haven't got the Scorch Wheel yet... why?
Beat: Tweeee?
Mega Man: (sigh) I rubbed two sticks together.
Slash Man: So you're the punk who burned down my forest!
Mega Man: Hey, it's Wolverine! I'm your biggest fan!
Slash Man: Um... yeah, Wolverine, that's me. Come closer and I'll give you my autograph.
Mega Man: Sure. But first I'll cool down the room with this Freeze Cracker, so it'll be more like Canada, your home and native land.
Slash Man: That really isn't neceBRRRRRRR!
Mega Man: Wow, I didn't know Wolverine could turn into a block of ice! He just gets cooler all the time!
Mega Man: AAAAAA! Note to self: Thunder Bolt is very, very, very BAD!
Spring Man: I like it a lot myself. Hey, why not throw another one at me?
Auto: Hey, you found my Hyper Bolt! Awesome!
Mega Man: Need help screwing it into your head?
Auto: Nah, I got it. This is great! Now I can kill humans twice as easily!
Mega Man: ...
Auto: Make you items twice as easily.
Mega Man: Bass? Are you okay?
Bass: Yes, I'm just collapsing on the ground with electricity crackling all around me for my health.
Mega Man: You need some repairs. I know just the place. (hands Bass Dr. Light's card)
Bass: Wow, you're so trusting... you barely know me, Bass, and you're already giving me access to your creator's lab.
Mega Man: Unconditional trust has never let me down before and never will.
Mega Man: You can turn me to stone? That's one rockin' power.
Shade Man: I have lived for 200 years and that is the worst joke I have ever heard.
Mega Man: You realize Wily just built you last night, right? You only look like a vampire.
Shade Man: Don't be absurd. I wasn't born yesterday.
Proto Man: Hello again, Mega Man. Have you found the circuit plates for the Super Adapter yet?
Mega Man: I'm wearing the Super Adapter, dipstick.
Proto Man: When you find the plates, remember that you can't slide with the suit on.
Mega Man: I have the suit on --
Proto Man: Goodbye. Good luck finding the plates.
Mega Man: Oh no, a Decepticon!
Turbo Man: And now that the obvious joke is out of the way, let's fight.
Mega Man: No no, I've got more. So if you're a robot with a fire weapon who turns into a car, does that make you a car-burn-etor?
Turbo Man: Use the Noise Crush, okay? It'll kill me nice and quick. I don't want to hear the rest of these.
Mega Man: Okay, the other four are -- Dr. Light! What happened?
Dr. Light: Bass... attacked... stole... enhancements... you're... an idiot....
Dr. Wily: (over the comm) That's right, Mega Man! I built Bass!
Mega Man: Dang your infernal machinations, Wily! I'll stop you if it's the last thing Rush does!
Rush: RUFF!
Mega Man: That's the spirit, boy! Stop biting my leg.
Bass: You'll have to get through me, Bass, to get to Wily.
Mega Man: How could you, Bass, betray me like this? I thought we were friends!
Bass: That is because you are dim. I didn't even pretend to like you.
Mega Man: Well, my only real basis for comparison was Proto Man, and he doesn't either.
Mega Man: Somebody's had some upgrades, I see.
Guts Man: I still hate your guts.
Mega Man: Doesn't it bother you being demoted from a full-fledged Robot Master to a fortress boss?
Guts Man: Nope.
Mega Man: What about Wily revealing your weakness to me earlier? Does that bother you?
Guts Man: Nope.
Mega Man: He's got you wearing a Met on your head.
Guts Man: Wily must die!
Mega Man: Hey, a hidden door in Shade Man's stage. I wonder what --
Proto Man: So! You made it to my third room!
Mega Man: Um....
Proto Man: Let's see which of us is better!
Mega Man: But I beat you four times in --
Proto Man: En garde!
Mega Man: Maybe I'll just come back later.
Bass: You may have defeated Guts Man, but you still must face me, Bass!
Mega Man: Actually, I didn't defeat Guts Man. He'd like to have a word with you, Bass.
Guts Man: Hi.
Bass: Ohhhh crap.
Turtle Boss: Beware my slow power!
Mega Man: Mind if I snicker?
Turtle Boss: You can, but I'll light you on fire while you do.
Mega Man: Sounds fair.
Proto Man: So! You made it to my third room!
Mega Man: Yeah, hi again. I was thinking we could just talk this out....
Proto Man: Let's see which of us is better!
Mega Man: Sigh.
Skull Boss: I LIVE! I HUNGER!
Mega Man: Ah, so Wily's going for the arcade references now.
Skull Boss: RUN, COWARD!
Mega Man: I'm running, I'm running. How come we never run out of track, anyway?
Skull Boss: IT'S A CIRCLE! DUH!
Proto Man: Wham!
Mega Man: GAK!
Proto Man: Wham!
Mega Man: GAK!
Proto Man: Wham!
Mega Man: Explain something to me, okay? If this is just a duel to see which of us is stronger, why do you keep actually killing me?
Proto Man: Wham!
Mega Man: GAK!
Robot Masters: Hello again.
Mega Man: Yeah, I'm familiar with the "re-fighting all the bosses" concept. What a waste of time.
Freeze Man: Well, at least this way you get to try our own weapons on us.
Shade Man: Some of us do amusing things when you do.
Mega Man: It's not worth it.
Proto Man: You've defeated me! I guess you really are the stronger, and cheaper, of us.
Mega Man: Oh, so I used one Energy Tank. You got to kill me like nine times first.
Proto Man: As a reward, you may use my shield for a while.
Mega Man: Awesome! Does it block shots?
Proto Man: Only the weakest, most piddling shots in the game.
Mega Man: But yes.
Proto Man: Yes.
Mega Man: Sweet!
Dr. Wily: Mwahahaha! Now, at last, you will DIE!
Mega Man: I don't suppose you'll be telling me your weakness again?
Dr. Wily: Wild Coil does pretty good damage.
Mega Man: What the--? Why give that away?
Dr. Wily: Because my saucer is only vulnerable for brief moments, can set fire to you or freeze you in ice, and has about five million billion skrillion health units.
Mega Man: I have to admit that's a pretty good reason.
Dr. Wily: Well, you beat me fair and square. I guess I'd better do the begging thing.
Mega Man: Sure, you can do that. Then I'll kill you.
Dr. Wily: What? You can't break the First Law of Robotics!
Mega Man: Dr. Light doesn't know the Laws of Robotics.
Dr. Wily: Eeeeeep! Bass, save me!
Bass: You've won this round, Mega Man, but I, Bass, will return to destroy you.
Mega Man: You're still alive? I thought I left Guts Man beating the bejeezus out of you.
Bass: I hurt in places that I didn't know I, Bass, had....
Dr. Light: Well, Wily got away, but at least you stopped his mad plans of conquest.
Mega Man: Glad you're doing better. I'm really sorry about Bass earlier.
Dr. Light: Don't feel too bad. Anyone might have fallen for his deception.
Proto Man: Except me.
Roll: And me.
Auto: And me.
Dr. Light: And me.
Rush: Ruff.
Beat: Twee.
Tango: Meow.
Mega Man: You can all shut up.
(The credits roll at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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