Kira: Why people join the Cult of the Pah-wraiths is a complete mystery to me.
Odo: Is that why it's called a mystery cult? Oh well, at least we can tell its members by their evil red armbands.
Kira: Come on, the armbands aren't that evil.
Jake: Is he just going to sit there all day?
Joseph: Relax, give him time to order.
Jake: I was talking about dad.
Joseph: So was I.
Voice: If you build it, she will come.
Sisko: Build what?
Voice: Er, whoops. I mean, "Go the distance". Yeah, that's it.
Ross: The Romulans want to establish a presence on this station.
Kira: Over my dead body!
Ross: No, that wasn't one of their conditions.
Damar: Seems Dukat was right to say "I win." He certainly has helped us in the war efforts these past few months.
Weyoun: Have you noticed how we always seem to do better during the summer months?
Damar: Yeah, you'd think Starfleet would suspend their summer vacation during a war.
Jake: What are you doing, dad?
Sisko: I'm trying to reconstruct the woman I saw in my vision.
Jake: It might help if you started with her face.
Sisko: Hm, a top-down approach? Good idea. So much for my bottom-up approach.
Jake: Hey, here's a picture of that woman. Who is it, Grandpa?
Joseph: How should I know?
Sisko: You're in it.
Joseph: So?
Sisko: She's kissing you.
Joseph: That happened all the time.
Sisko: You wrote "To my snooky-wookums, Love, Joseph" on it.
Worf: Sing the song!
Vic: (singing) 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Bottles of Beer....
Worf: No, the other one.
Vic: (singing) Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead!...
Worf: Grrr. You'll pay for that one.
Cretak: Hi, Colonel. Nice to meet you.
Kira: Well, you seem nice, but how do I know you're not just being fake!
Cretak: The fact I don't understand that last reference might be a start.
Sisko: So who is the woman?
Joseph: Her name was Sarah, but I always called her Mary. We were engaged to be married, but then she told me she was pregnant.
Sisko: Did you break off the engagement?
Joseph: No, the Prophets came to me in a vision and told me that she was carrying you and that I was to name you E. Manuel or something like that, but I said "Screw that" and named you Benjamin.
Sisko: Where's Sarah now?
Joseph: Same place she's been for years, Oak Park Cemetery.
Sisko: Why didn't you tell me about her earlier?
Joseph: Wouldn't've been as big a revelation when you saw her in your vision now, would it?
Cretak: Excuse me, Major. Is Bajor's fourth moon uninhabited?
Kira: It is now.
Cretak: Can we build a hospital there?
Kira: Sure can! We Bajorans are very hospitable about hospitals.
O'Brien: Hey Worf, wanna get drunk and tell me what's eating you?
Worf: No.
O'Brien: Okay, wanna get piss drunk and tell me what's eating you?
Worf: Sure!
Bashir: So what did Worf say?
O'Brien: That nothing was eating him since he was at the top of the food chain.
Bashir: I mean about Jadzia.
O'Brien: That nothing was eating her since she was not in Sto-vo-kor.
Bashir: So how do we get Jadzia into Sto-vo-kor?
Quark: I could sell indulgences.
O'Brien: You already sell indulgences.
Quark: Only to Bajorans.
Bashir: No, it won't work. Klingons have to kill things.
Joseph: By the way, here's the necklace that Sarah left for you.
Sisko: And you're just now telling me this? I almost sold it for a bowl of stew.
Joseph: Sigh. Would you stop making Bible jokes and realize that it talks about the Orb of the Emissary?
Sisko: Or as I like to call it, the Orb of the Covenant! OW!
Joseph: I warned you.
Odo: The Romulans have their hospital well-armed.
Kira: That's probably just to fix dismembered patients.
Odo: No, you don't understand. They're armed to the teeth.
Kira: Dentures are an important part of health care too.
Odo: You're deliberately misunderstanding me, aren't you?
Kira: Yes.
Martok: I hear you want to get Jadzia into Sto-vo-kor.
Worf: Yes, but I'm not buying anything from the Ferengi.
Martok: Then what would you say to a suicide mission against the Jem'Hadar?
Worf: I'd say "As soon as we blow up some things, Jadzia's soul from purgatory springs".
Nameless Bajoran: Are you going to find the Orb of the Emissary?
Sisko: I'm going to take a stab at it.
Bajoran: Oooh, me first.
(STAB!)
Joseph: Who was that guy who stabbed you?
Sisko: Just a nameless Bajoran who was a member of the Cult of the Pah-wraiths.
Joseph: How do you know that?
Sisko: His armband was cackling evilly.
Bashir: I've decided to go with Worf to kill an indulgence.
O'Brien: Sigh. That means I'm coming along, doesn't it?
Bashir: Yep. Start packing.
O'Brien: I wonder what Keiko would say to this little trip of mine.
Bashir and Quark: Who?
Kira: We've decided to revoke your access to our moon since you've decided to deploy a couple thousand missiles there.
Cretak: I understand. It's not like we're defending our hospital from possible attack while we're in the middle of a war.... Oh wait, we are.
Kira: I don't care about your excuses. Until you remove your arms, you can talk to the hand.
Ezri: Hey, Ben.
Sisko: Who're you?
Ezri: Don't you know me? I'm Tobin, no wait, Torias, no wait, Curzon, I mean, Jadzia.
Sisko: Identity issues?
Ezri: Just for the rest of the series.
TO BE CONTINUED
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