Aldaris: Greetings, Executor!
Executor: Wait, wait. The "chop off people's heads" type or the "sits behind a desk at work all day" type? Because one sounds a hell of a lot cooler than the other.
Aldaris: The second type.
Executor: Crap! First Star Wars fans, now me!
Aldaris: Just get down there and save the Antioch Province already.
Fenix: Come, let us pave the roads with Zerg blood, and if death comes to us, so be it!
Executor: You know that you're pretty much guarunteed Zerg bait, right?
Fenix: I think "chum" is the more accurate fishing metaphor here.
Aldaris: Your defense of the Antioch Province was admirable.
Executor: Of course it was. The first level is always a cynch.
Aldaris: Let me gripe about Tassadar a bit. Gripe, gripe, gripe....
Tassadar: Yo. Say, I've just been talking with the Dark Protoss, and--
Aldaris: The Dark Protoss! Talking with them is forbidden!
Tassadar: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they said that the Zerg broods are led by cerebrates, and if you defeat them you can drive the whole swarm into chaos.
Executor: I could have told you that....
Aldaris: Stop expounding your knowledge from the previous campaigns, and start killing some cerebrates already.
Cerebrate: Don't kill me! Don't you have some sense of lingering loyalty? You know, being a cerebrate last campaign and all that....
Executor: Nah. Sick 'em, Fenix.
Fenix: The cerebrate we worked so hard to kill was reincarnated!
Executor: Curse Kerrigan and her Hindu proselytizing!
Aldaris: You shall go to the province of Scion and take it back from the Zerg swarms.
Executor: That's that province where they make those crappy cars, right?
Aldaris: Yes, let this be a lesson to any Zerg who tries to insult our crappy cars!
Zerg Hydrolisk: Yo.
Fenix: Crap. Well, at least I will die as a warrior!
Hydrolisk: Um, your blades just kinda fzzt-ed out. You still up for this?
Fenix: Of course! We are a proud race....
Hydrolisk: What does that have to do with anything?
Fenix: Nothing. But they're good last words. Mind if I say 'em again?
Hydrolisk: Sure, go right ahea--
Fenix: GAK!
Hydrolisk: Oops.
Aldaris: I know Fenix is dead and the Zerg are swarming all over Aiur, but we've got more important things to do!
Executor: I can't think of anything.
Aldaris: We must track down Tassadar and bring him to trial for treason!
Executor: That's more important than whiping the Zerg off our homeworld?
Aldaris: You don't pick the missions, kid. We do the picking for you.
Executor: Aw.
Tassadar: What? Arrest me?
Executor: I dunno anything, he told me to!
Aldaris: Arrest him!
Tassadar: Don't!
Aldaris: Yes!
Tassadar: No!
Executor: Jeez, stop arguing and give me a mission objective already.
Aldaris: The elders will not be pleased!
Executor: I was just following orders.
Aldaris: That's what the nazis said! And the writers of Andromeda!
Tassadar: Don't listen to this guy. Now, we must find the Dark Templar. Only they can defeat the cerebrates.
Executor: That doesn't make much sense...
Tassadar: I find your lack of faith disturbing!
Tassadar: Take me to that installation over there.
Duke: (over the comm) Hold it! You're infringing on Terran airspace. Halt now, and --
Terran Fleet: GAK!
Tassadar: Now, where were we?
Terran Scout: Hey Sarge! I found me a Protoss!
Sarge: Kill it!
Protoss: Jeez, what is it with you Terrans and your embodied American South stereotype?
Other Protoss: Keelit! Keelit!
Sarge: Very funny-- GAK!
Zeratul: Yo.
Tassadar: Alas, we have found the Dark Templar. Let us return to Aiur and let whatever ridicule becomes of us, become of us!
Fenix: (over the comm) Hey, I'm back from the dead as a Dragoon now. Don't ask. Anyway, the Protoss Conclave is hunting you down for no reason.
Tassadar: As I said, we shall destroy the Conclave!
Executor: Isn't that a little extreme?
Tassadar: It'll mean huge explosions....
Executor: I'm on it.
Executor: FIREFIREFIREFIREFIREFI--
Tassadar: Enough! I surrender myself to be judged by my deeds!
Executor: Aw, I was having fun.
Fenix: We must rescue Tassadar from the Conclave!
Executor: But wouldn't he want--
Fenix: He's our only hope against the Zerg!
Raynor: (over the comm) Can I help?
Executor: Only if you don't talk much.
Raynor: No guaruntees.
Raynor: ...and this one time, I pretended to "bump into" Kerrigan, and--
Fenix: Silence, foolish human! We have managed to release Tassadar, and for some reason he isn't angry at us.
Aldaris: (over the comm) Fools! Heretics! Blasphemers!
Executor: Yada, yada. So, what's the next mission?
Zeratul: You must use me to destroy all the cerebrates in the level.
Executor: Aw, I can't just leave you in the base so I don't lose just because a main character got killed?
Zeratul: Not this time, sucker.
Zeratul: Chop!
Cerebrates: GAK!
Tassadar: The Zerg defenses are down!
Executor: That would make this last level too easy.
Tassadar: We've all lost much to the Zerg. All of us may not survive this...
Executor: Speak for yourself.
Raynor: I've lost a lot to the Zerg too!
Executor: Since when? You just want attention.
Raynor: Oh, um....
Executor: That's what I thought.
Aldaris: I know this is late, but we of the conclave formally apolog--
All: Shut up.
Tassadar: The Overmind is weakened! I must sacrifice myself, channeling Dark Protoss energies in order to destroy it!
Executor: Mighty eager on that sacrifice thing, aren't you?
Tassadar: Just picture how big the explosion will be....
Executor: I don't have to, here comes the cinematic.
Tassadar: Ah, right.
Tassadar: Bonzai!
The Overmind: GAK!
Raynor: Sure isn't.: Hmm, I guess that's not the best way to end the fiver of this, huh?
Raynor: Sure isn't.
Gamer: Who asked you?
Raynor: Why are you always so mean to me? I'm just a lovable, down-to-Tarsonis guy.
Gamer: Meh. Let's just get started on Brood War already.
Raynor: Wait, DON'T--
(The gamer removes the CD-ROM at Ludicrous Speed!)
THE END...?
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