One day, while Mario and the Princess were out for a walk...
Thundercloud: THUNDER! ZAP!
Mario: Oh no! It's raining over there! I must investigate!
Bowser Jr: And now I will use the distraction to kidnap the Princess!
Princess: Oh. My. Gosh. Do we really need to explain how I get kidnapped? Has that ever been relevant to the story?
Bowser Jr: Shut up and scream.
Princess: HELP! HELP! Somebody saaaaaave me!
Mario: This looks like a job for SUPERMARIO!
Luigi: And his faithful sidekick brother, SUPERLUIGI!
Mario: Um, no. You're not in this game.
Luigi: Sure I am. All you need to do is press --
Mario: Let me rephrase it: You're not in this game.
Mario: Okay, time to save Peach... again. Time to grab my leaves, feathers, Yoshi, metal cap, and -- why not? -- my Frog suits.
Luigi: You don't get those things.
Mario: What? What kinda game is this!
Luigi: A retro. Mushrooms, flowers, stars, and turtle shells. That's it.
Mario: It's retro all right. Sounds like the 60s.
WORLD 1
Mario: Hey, these levels are easy!
Goomba: Hello, I'm insignficant and easily killable. GAK! See?
Mario: Heh heh heh. Oh no. Not a tree level! So hard!
Mario: Ha ha! Now I've got you, Bowser!
Bowser: You only think it's me! GAK!
Mario: No, actually it was you.
Bowser Jr: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: No, she's not. She's right there.
Bowser Jr: Um... bye!
WORLD 2
Mario: Ah. Desert world. I thought we were being like Super Mario Bros 1, not 3.
Luigi: I think it's an homage to all those old NES games.
Mario: Are you still here?
Mario: Ha ha! I've got you now... um, Bowser?
Bowser Jr: You killed him in the last world, remember?
Mario: You mean he's really dead? Huh. Guess I'll fight you then.
Bowser Jr: No, you'll fight my cactus... OF DOOM!
Mario: I hate you.
WORLD 3
Mario: Okay, these mid-level towers look like Barad-d�r.
Bowser Jr: So I like Lord of the Rings. So sue me.
Mario: I'd rather just fire you. With fireballs.
Cheepskipper: I am the mighty Cheepskipper! I will jump out of the water and come... after... you... Um, little help?
Mario: You're not doing so well, are you?
Cheepskipper: Like a fish out of water.
WORLD 5
Mario: 5? Whatever happened to 4?!
Luigi: Okay, if you actually looked at the map, you'd see that World 2 leads to both Worlds 3 and 4.
Mario: Hm. Well, the Princess has been kidnapped so I probably should just keep doing World 5.
Luigi: Should.
WORLD 2
Mario: Whee! Mini-Mario!
Mummipokey: Hey! Why are you picking on me again? Pick on someone your own size!
WORLD 4
Mario: Forest world, eh? Let's just skip to the end, shall we?
Mega Goomba: You asked for it! Prepare to be killed by MEGA GOOMBA!
Mario: Prepare for me to not care as MEGA MARIO.
Mega Goomba: Crap.
WORLD 5
Mario: Somehow the idea of "Ice World" just leaves me cold.
Petey Piranha: Oh, don't be such a cry baby.
Mario: ...says the giant, flying piranha plant in a diaper.
WORLD 6
Monty Tank: Hee hee hee! I'm going in CIRCLES! Wheeee!
Mario: Are you drunk?
Monty Tank: I'm not (hic) drunk, you are!
Mario: What a witty, witty retort.
Monty Tank: Tank you.
WORLD 8
Mario: Not again!
Luigi: Yep.
WORLD 5
Petey Piranha: Not again!
Mario: Yep.
WORLD 7
Mario: Sky world? Unfair! I should definitely be allowed wings!
Luigi: Tough.
Mario: What will it take to get you to go away?
Luigi: Not coming up with anything.
Mario: You know, I think I saw a casino in the mini-games.
Luigi: A casino? I am so there. Excuse me.
Mario: Finally!
Lakithunder: Take this spiny! And that lightning bolt!
Mario: Hey, Mr. Grumpy Cloud, why don't you turn that frown upside down?
Lakithunder: What?
Mario: You mean you're missing my witticisms? Come down here and hear them up close!
Lakithunder: Okay, I'm down here. Let's hear them.
Mario: Sucker.
Lakithunder: Sucker? I don't -- GAK!
WORLD 8
Mario: Crows? Walking jack-o'-lanterns? I thought this was Dark World, but it looks like Hallowe'en World.
(silence)
Mario: Why do I feel someone else should be wittily retorting about now?
Skeletal Bowser: Mwahaha! Not as dead as you thought! Now I will kill you for sure!
Mario: Actually you can't kill me.
Skeletal Bowser: Why's that? Because of your ability to love?
Mario: No, more like I'm over here at the drawbridge controls.
Bowser Jr: Bone of my father, unknowingly given. Flesh of the -- you know? Let's skip that one. Girlfriend of the enemy, forcibly taken.
(KABOOM!)
VoldeBowser: I LIVE! I bet you're wondering how that's possible, aren't you?
Mario: Actually I'm wondering why I just stood here like an idiot and let Bowser Jr do his spell instead of just fireballing him.
Bowser Jr: Because it's predestined! It was prophesied! Now -- expelliarmus!
Mario: Hey, genius, I'm not holding a wand. I do, however, have fireballs.
Bowser: You killed my son? NOW YOU DIE!
Mario: Um, a) I've killed you and all your children multiple times and you keep coming back, and b) he was one of those Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter nerds. What I did was a mercy. Now EAT FLAMING DEATH, BOWSER!
Bowser: GAK!
Princess: You saved me!
Mario: Yep. Now let's talk about my -- heh heh -- reward.
Princess: How about I let you buy different background wallpapers for the lower screen with the coins you've been collecting?
Mario: ...Not what I meant, but sure, okay, it's a start.
(Mario collects all the special coins at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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