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Five-Minute Kirby's Dream Land

by IJD GAF

King Dedede: Citizens of Dream Land! I am hereby stealing all of your food, as well as your sacred Sparkling Stars!
Citizen 1: But your highness! This scene is out of the instruction manual, not the game!
Kirby: Don't worry, brave citizen! I'll save you from this horrible instance of tyranny and fiver-padding!
Citizens: Hooray! Civil Disobedience!

Waddle Dee: Greetings, friend! Welcome to the Green Greens!
Kirby: Back, fiend! I am on a mission to save Dream Land!
Waddle Dee: Look, I didn't do anything --
Kirby: Gulp!
Twizzy: Holy crap, did you just eat him?
Kirby: Ptoo!
Twizzy: Spit? That's just gross -- GAK!
Citizens: Our hero!

Poppy Brother Sr.: Hello, cream puff. Would you like to play catch?
Kirby: Certainly. Gulp!
Poppy Brother Sr.: Huh? That was a bomb, I was trying to be funny.
Kirby: Didn't work. Ptoo!
Poppy Brother Sr: GAK!

Poppy Brother Jr. 1: I'm a kid on an apple!
Poppy Brother Jr. 2: I'm a kid on a pig!
Kirby: I'm about to feed you kids some apple-fed pig.

Whispy Woods: Whoa, slow down man. You're killing all the wildlife.
Kirby: Uh... sorry. Say, are those apples?
Whispy Woods: Yeah, did you want some? Here.
Kirby: Gulp! Ptoo!
Whispy Woods: What? No, don't spit them at me! GAK!
Kirby: Hooray, a Sparkling Star!
Multiple Kirbys: Let's do a special dance!
Kirby: Huh?

Broom Hatter: Welcome to Castle Lololo.
Kirby: Whoa, a microphone. (singing) Eiieeeee!
All: GAK!
Kirby: Thank you, thank you very much.

Kirby: Whoa, bud. What are you doing with that crate?
Lololo: Watch it, this crate belongs over there.
Kirby: Ow! That's it....
Lololo: What? Don't eat that, my employer will never --
Kirby: Ptoo!
Lololo: GAK!
Kirby: LOL!

Mumbie: Hello.
Kirby: Gulp! Mmm... they should call you guys "yum-bies".
Gumby: That's it, I'm suing.

Lalala: Look kid, we're just trying to make a living.
Lololo: Yeah, so just get out of the way while we move these crates back and forth.
Kirby: That's terribly inefficient. Let me try.
Lololo: No!
Lalala: GAK!
Lololo: GAK!
Kirby: ROFL!

Kirby: Hooray! Another Sparkling Star!
Multiple Kirbys: Hooray! Another opportunity to dance!
Kirby: You guys are really confusing me.

Bronto Burt: Thank you for choosing the Float Islands! GAK!
Kirby: Hmm... this place reminds me of a tree level in Mario. Except I can fly. So it's easy.
Shotzo: Oh yeah? Well I'm invincible. PowPowPow! (pause) PowPowPow! (pause)
Kirby: Invincible, yet tragically rhythmic.

Kirby: A mint leaf that lets me attack while flying? What's this for -- holy crap, a blimp!
Kaboola: (sob) I'm very sensitive about my weight. Eat cannonballs, tiny.
Kirby: But... but my breath is minty fresh, see? (exhales) hhhhhhuh.
Kaboola: GAK!
Kirby: Don't call me tiny, blimp.

Multiple Kirbys: Let's dance!
Kirby: Let's not.

Waddle Doo: Welcome to the Bubbly Clouds. I shoot fire.
Kirby: If I eat you, will I shoot fire too?
Waddle Doo: Nope. This is way too early in the series for that.
Kirby: Ah well. Gulp!

Kracko: I am an eyeball surrounded by spheres.
Kirby: That's nice.
Kracko: GAK!

Kracko: I am now an eyeball surrounded by clouds.
Kirby: Also nice.
Kracko: GAK!
Kirby: Hooray, the final star!
Multiple Kirbys: Doo dee da doo de da....
Kirby: I picked a hell of a day to stop drinking.

King Dedede: Nicely done, Kirby! But before you face me, you must once again face all the bosses from before!
Whispy Woods: But... but...
Kaboola: (sob)
Kracko: Aw.
Lololo: #%@!

King Dedede: Hmm, that was fast. But you'll never beat my star-creating hammer attacks!
Kirby: You'd think that you guys would learn not to use weapons that I can eat and spit back.
King Dedede: You'd think so.
Kirby: Gulp! Ptoo!
King Dedede: GAK!

Citizen 1: Hooray, our mighty leader has fallen!
Citizen 2: Time for some good ol' fashioned mob violence!
Citizen 3: Viva la revoluci�n!
Kirby: Uh... crap.
(Dream Land revolts at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Comments? Complaints? Contact IJD GAF.

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This fiver was originally published on September 25, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by -- (GULP) (PTUI)

All material © 2005, IJD GAF.