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Charmed: Five-Minute "Déjà Vu All Over Again"

by Jade

An incursion of Time Travel Week

Tempus: I'm here to help you because you're too stupid to kill the Charmed Ones by yourself.
Rodriguez: Am not!
Tempus: Well then pretend to be! Time loops are fun.

Paper Boy: Oh what a beautiful mooooorning!
Weather Girl: Oh what a beautiful day!
Prue: I've got a beautiful feeeeeeling!
Phoebe: Andy is going to die!
Prue: Hey... That's not beautiful!

Rodriguez: I want you to arrange a meeting for me with the witch.
Andy: Which witch?
Rodriguez: I am so going to kill you later.

Rodriguez: (sings) I'm off to kill the Charmed Ones....
Cuckoo Clock: Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Rodriguez: Hey, don't call me cuckoo!

Joanne: Hi, I'm Joanne, your annoying depression-inducer for today!
Piper: Argh! So! Depressed!
Phoebe: Snap out of it.
Piper: Okay.

Prue: Yousa gonna die.
Andy: So what? You are too. By the way, Rodriguez is the demon.
Prue: Oh good, now we won't have to go through one of those awful "Gasp! You?" scenes.

Phoebe: AAAAAARGH!
Rodriguez: AAAAAARGH!
Prue: Oh no, Phoebe's dead!
Piper: Meh.

Tempus: (sings) The needle returns to the start of the song and we all sing along like before....
Rodriguez: Aw, man! I can't sing!

Paper Boy: Oh what a beautiful mooooorning!
Weather Girl: Oh what a beautiful day!
Prue: I've got a beautiful feeeeeeling!
Phoebe: I'm suffering from déjà vu!
Prue: How is suffering from déjà vu beautiful?
Phoebe: It makes me feel smarter than everyone else for once.
Prue: So if you're so smart, how come you haven't mentioned that Andy's gonna die yet?
Phoebe: I was getting to that!
Prue: Riiiiight.

Rodriguez: Arrange a meeting for me with the witch!
Andy: Which witch?
Rodriguez: Have I mentioned how I'm going to kill you?

Rodriguez: (sings) I'm off to kill the Charmed Ones....
Cuckoo Clock: Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Rodriguez: That's it! I'm adding you to my list of people to kill in the next time loop.

Joanne: Hi, I'm Joanne, your annoying--
Phoebe: Depression-inducer!
Joanne: Yeah, how did you know?
Piper: Wow, amazing! You actually spelled "depression" right!
Phoebe: (sniff) Why is everyone always so mean to me?

Prue: Yousa gonna die. Also, I still love you.
Andy: Geez, that's helpful.

Phoebe: Ooh look, a spell to accelerate time!
Prue: Quit with the foreshadowing already.
Phoebe: Okay. AAAAAARGH!
Piper: AAAAAARGH!
Rodriguez: AAAAAARGH!
Prue: Heh, me and Andy are the only ones left alive. How ironic.

Tempus: (sings) The needle returns to the start of the song and we all sing along like before....
Rodriguez: Okay, now once more with feeling!
Tempus: It better only be once more; I'm getting kinda hoarse from all this singing.

Paper Boy: Oh what a beautiful mooooorning!
Weather Girl: Oh what a beautiful day!
Prue: I've got a beautiful feeeeeeling!
Phoebe: I know everything that's gonna happen!
Prue: Okay, fine, maybe that is a little beautiful. Only a little, though!

Rodriguez: (sings) I'm off to kill the Charmed Ones....
Cuckoo Clock: Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Rodriguez: (shoots the clock) Don't say I didn't warn you.

Joanne: Hi, I'm your --
Piper: Buzz off, annoying depression-inducer!
Joanne: Okay.

Andy: So I'm gonna die?
Prue: I hope not. I would die if anything happened to you.
Andy: Looks like you're gonna die then.

Phoebe: Ooh look, it says how to vanquish Tempus!
Rodriguez: Too late. Time to die, witch!
Andy: Which witch?
Rodriguez: Yay, I get to kill a main character! Am I cool or what?
Andy: AAAAAARGH!
Prue: Aw, man!
Phoebe: Aren't you supposed to be knocked out?
Prue: Oh yeah. Oops. (starts to snore loudly)
Piper: O-kay... I'll just freeze Rodriguez and tie him up then, shall I?

Andy: Pruuuuuuue... Pruuuuuuuue!
Prue: Oh wow, a swing and a lot of clouds. How un-corny.
Andy: That's not the issue here, Prue; we're here to have our last conversation!
Prue: What do you mean, last conversation? I'll be joining you in two years, buster.
Andy: Then why are you wasting your time up here? Go finish the season, hurry up!
Prue: Geez, I'm going already....

Prue: Okay, time to fast-forward time!
Tempus: AAAAAARGH!
Rodriguez: AAAAAARGH!
Prue: Woohoo! Go me!

Weather Girl: Oh what a beautiful mooooorning!
Phoebe: You know, that song is really starting to annoy me.
Piper: Starting? By the way, I'm going to open up my own restaurant.
Phoebe: I think you mean "nightclub". I don't think all those famous people would perform in a restaurant.
Piper: Whatever. So Prue, are you still sad about Andy's death?
Prue: Hey, if I only have two years left I'm not gonna spend them feeling sad! In fact, maybe next season I'll get myself a new man.
Piper: Hey, good idea!
Phoebe: Meh. I can wait another season.
Prue: Whatever. Anyway, that's why... (sings) I feeeeeeel good!
Piper: Oh boy. What a way to spend the summer hiatus....
(Prue dances the summer away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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This fiver was originally published on July 17, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by the WB (the fools who let Buffy slip through their fingers) and Spelling Television (correctly, I see). Or so Jade tells me. I wouldn't know, never having watched Charmed. I've watched Bewitched, though, so I think I've done my bit.

All material © 2002, Josephina Delahaye.