PointyHairedJedi presents....

The Top 10 Reasons the Voyager Crew Wouldn't Last a Day in the Dune Universe

A lightyear of Voyager Week

10. Torres: Five minutes after setting foot in a sietch, she would manage to offend every last Fremen living there
9. Chakotay: Due to the extreme heat and aridness of Arrakis, the first wayward spark would undoubtedly set him instantly ablaze
8. Tom Paris: Would get eaten by a sandworm after deciding that all the sand makes it a perfect place to play volleyball
7. Harry Kim: Would get eaten by the sandworm too, having been persuaded by Tom to play volleyball with him
6. EMH: Would discover very quickly indeed that the populace really don't like artificial intelligences.
5. Seven: Would quickly die of dehydration out in the deep desert after mistaking her catsuit for her stillsuit, in the end not even realizing the irony of being killed by skin-tight clothing
4. Lon Suder: Would be sucked into a special anomaly type-thing of DOOM after accidentally meeting Piter de Vries
3. Tuvok: Upon discovering mentats, he'd have a serious breakdown from the knowledge that there were humans more logical than him
2. Janeway: After discovering spice coffee, the captain would quickly develop a serious addiction and end up selling Voyager to the highest bidder just to get another hit

1. Neelix: Would endure an agonising, drawn-out death after making the mistake of offering Baron Harkonnen some leola root stew

Comments? Contact the author, PointyHairedJedi.

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