Florida hurricanes not Xindi attack

September 9, 2004

After a lengthy study, officials have concluded that the recent deluge of hurricanes striking Florida recently are not part of a Xindi attack.

"We aren't terribly surprised," said weatherman Phil Collins. "After all, hurricanes have always been part of human history, and are a result of certain variations of temperature in the ocean. We do not see how anyone could either create a hurricane or direct it towards a specific geographic area."

Fears about the storms' origins were raised by a number of Star Trek fan clubs living in the Florida area.

"Think about it," said Key West fan club president Pollyanna Tucker. "We've had Hurricanes Bonnie, Charlie, and Francis, and soon we may have Ivan. All have been attacks on Florida, which is exactly where the Xindi probe will hit! Obviously some Xindi have travelled back to now in an effort to destroy Earth with hurricanes!" At this point the reporter decided to end the interview.

While meteorologists are still trying to puzzle out why the recent hurricanes have all had negative quantum dates, Floridians can rest easy in the face of these massive natural disasters knowing that they are not massive artificial disasters.

- Derek