Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "2010" by Nan Aschen: Everyone likes us. Even if we are pasty-complexioned and creepy-looking. Kinsey: The Aschen rock. And I rock, 'cause I arranged this little party. Yay me! On with the 10-years-into-the-future show. Carter: Hi. Teal'c: Hi. Daniel: Hi. Fraiser: Hi. Carter: O'Neill isn't here. This sucks. Fraiser: I have nothing to do. That sucks. Daniel: Yep. Well, let's all have dinner. Everyone: Cool. Fraiser: Where's O'Neill? Carter: Seethe. Fraiser: How's married life? Carter: Except for the fact we're still not pregnant yet after three years of trying? Peachy. You? Fraiser: Seethe. Carter: Bored? Fraiser: Newfangled Aschen tech kinda makes me useless. Carter: Foreshadowing. Fraiser: Well, you've got problems. Carter: The Aschen said we were fine. Fraiser: They suck. And they lied. See my little medical readout thing? Carter: I'm gonna go hacking. Carter: Hi, Mollem. Mollem: Hi, Samantha. Are we ready to theoretically turn Jupiter into a star? Carter: Yeah, sure. I've got new ideas, though, which would require use of the computer. Mollem: Waitaminnit: only we get the latest version of Windows. No earthlings allowed. Carter: C'mon... you know you wanna. Fraiser: So? Carter: They've sterilized most of the population through the anti-aging vaccine. It says so right here. "Evil Plan Involving Anti-Aging Vaccine: We've sterilized 90% of the human race. Yay us." Daniel: So what do we do? Carter: Send a note back in time. Like last season. Remember "1969"? Solar flare + coordinates exactly on the opposite side of the sun = time travel? Everyone: Cool. Carter: Just have to access the Aschen computer and convince O'Neill to help us. O'Neill: I won't help you. Carter: But-but-but...they're evil! O'Neill: I told you so. Carter: Yeah, well...we still need your help. O'Neill: I don't care. Carter: Well fine then! O'Neill: Fine yourself! Carter: Fine yourself twice! Tour Guide: How annoying am I? Hee hee! Daniel: We're on a tour of our old work place... Carter: Yeah-hunh... Daniel: ...to filch a GDO so we can get the gate to open... Carter: Yeah-hunh... Daniel: ...so we can make sure the iris on the gate ten years ago will open... Carter: Yeah-hunh... Daniel: ...so they can get the note... Carter: Yeah-hunh... Daniel: ...thus changing the timeline... Carter: Yeah-hunh... Daniel: ...and probably getting ourselves killed in the process. Carter: Yeah-hunh. Daniel: Well, for these stakes, our disguises are lame. Carter: Yeah-hunh. Let's go find some stuff. Carter: You came. O'Neill: You came late. Daniel: The Zats are real. The GDO's a fake. Walter the Tech: Hey! Oh. Remember me? Waitaminnit! What're you...? Daniel: Where's the real GDO? O'Neill: You know you wanna tell us... Carter: Hey, honey. Carter's Husband, Ambassador Joe Something: Hey, honey. Carter: The Aschen have been lying about that whole "you're perfectly peachy" thing. Most of the planet ain't perfectly peachy. Joe: Well, dammit! It was only supposed to be a fraction of tha--oops. Carter: Okay, now you suck, honey. Carter: Gimme the GDO. Joe: It's on the President's desk. But I won't get it! Carter: You know you wanna...come on...pleeease? Joe: Here it is... O'Neill: Cool. Joe: ...just leave Sammykins out of it. Carter: Hey! O'Neill: 'Kay. O'Neill: Okay. Frasier: the hawk flies at midnight. Fraiser: Yeah, I've got my travel papers for Chu'lak. O'Neill: Daniel: the eagle has landed. Daniel: Zat's in the suitcase. Joe: Here's your GDO. O'Neill: Carter: the postman always rings twice. Joe: Come on, honey. Carter: Ragginfraggin... Teal'c: Hey. Guard: Hey! No weapons allowed. You'll have to shoot me to--ack! Teal'c: Heh. Teal'c's Fellow Jaffa Guy: GAK! Weapons System: Bzzzzzzzzzzzt! Teal'c: Finished dialing--GAK! O'Neill: McGyver moment. GAK! Daniel: GAK! Carter: I can't run away with you, honey. I'm going to save the world again! Joe: Ya have ta? Vin Scully: And Carter's going for the Gate! She's almost at the note! She's hit! And the note just makes through the wormhole as she collapses in laser-blasted death! Note: Bounce bounce roll... O'Neill: Hey! This is my handwriting. "If you go to Z'ha'dum you will die." Carter: Wrong show. Daniel: Lemme see. "Under no circumstance go to P4C-970. Signed, O'Neill." Carter: We're headed there. Hammond: Not anymore. Let's make this a full-on Grandfather Paradox and delete the address from the computer. Everyone: Cool. THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to cause a causality violation. Your plot will be shut down...