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Doctor's Log: The Strangers are bad. The Strangers have the ability to alter reality and they use it to increase crime, steal our jobs, and eat our children. Furthermo-- What xenophobia?
Murdoch: Lousy hotel. Ask for a room with a waterbed and what do they give you? A bathtub with a clogged-up drain. I'm going to find the owner and give him a piece of my mind.
Schreber: (over the phone) In case... you haven't... noticed, your memory... has been... erased. There aren't... many pieces... of your mind... left.
Murdoch: Please tell me you're not going to talk like that for the rest of the movie.
Schreber: I am, but... for the sake... of the fiver, this... will be... the last time... I do it here.
Emma: You wanted to see me?
Schreber: Yes, but only to establish you as Murdoch's wife, now if you'll excuse me I want to go back to playing with the metaphoric mouse trapped in the maze.
May: Looking for a hooker?
Murdoch: No, for my lost memories.
May: You sound sane and rational and not at all like a prostitute killer; why don't you come with me?
Murdoch: Thanks.
Bumstead: Looks like Jack the Ripper strikes again.
Husselbeck: How do you know he isn't just possessed by an evil entity?
Bumstead: This city is dark enough without you introducing another wolf into the fold.
Emma: Excuse me, Detective. I'm looking for a man who's tall, dark, and handsome.
Bumstead: I'm fairly tall, brown-haired, and kinda handsome.
Emma: And also my husband.
Bumstead: Worth a shot.
Quick: Halt! You're under arrest.
Murdoch: You don't look like a police officer.
Quick: What gave it away, my sickeningly pale skin or my long black trenchcoat?
Murdoch: Crap, you're a vampire. Please let something conveniently get me out of this.
Bridge: Crumble.
Quick: GAK!
Murdoch: Woohoo!
Hand: Quick is dead.
Book: Heh. That's kind of funny. Unfortunately for us, it's probably symbolic as well.
Hand: Well, that's what you get for giving us these lame names. I suggested Lord of the Rings names, but did you listen to me? Noooooo.
Murdoch: Who are you?
Emma: I'm your wife. I thought we already established this.
Murdoch: Yes, and we also already established my memory loss.
Emma: Point. So, I guess you don't remember what happened between us.
Murdoch: Nope. What happened between us?
Emma: I had an aff-- um, actually, nothing. Nothing happened.
Voice: (over the PA) The pool's closed, bum. I don't care if you sound like Igor when you talk or not.
Shreber: I don't sound like Igor.
Hand: Do we have to reiterate every freaking thing we establish? Now go find me Murdoch's brain.
Shreber: Yes, master.
Murdoch: Why does everyone think I'm Jack the Ripper?
Emma: We've all seen your MP3 collection.
Bumstead: Freeze! You're under arrest!
Murdoch: Crap. Please let something conviently get me out of this.
Door: Poof.
Murdoch: Hm... I wish I had a million dollars!
(Nothing.)
Murdoch: Just checking.
Murdoch: Do you know how to get to Shell Beach?
Taxi Driver: And what does this have to do with the rest of the story?
Murdoch: Everything, darn it.
Bumstead: If you're Murdoch's shrink, tell me why Murdoch doesn't seem like a killer.
Schreber: What are you saying? It's not like I'm a turncoat scientist employed by aliens who want me to implant false memories into the whole of mankind.
Bumstead: Crap. So much for that theory.
Book: Why is it that Murdoch doesn't sleep when we stop time?
Schreber: Maybe he's experiencing a perfect moment. Of course, with a title like Dark City I kinda doubt it.
Book: Oh no! What if he has Q powers like us? I knew we shouldn't have held that open workshop.
Book: It's time to rearrange the city. Shut down the clock.
(Time stops.)
Murdoch: I feel like I'm in a bad Jonathan Frakes movie. I just don't know if it's Insurrection or Clockstoppers.
Stranger: So we're turning the barber into a bagboy? Why?
Schreber: Hey, just look at my haircut.
Murdoch: Why is time stopped? Why are buildings appearing out of nowhere? What the heck is going on here?
Schreber: The Spanish Inquisition.
Murdoch: I didn't expect that.
The Spanish Inquisition: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Schreber: Wow, you really do have Q powers.
Murdoch: Wait, I did that?
Schreber: Yes, you've got the powers; you just don't know how to control them yet. Don't worry, though: in time we'll make you a true Q too!
Book: Alright, in order to find Murdoch, we must think like Murdoch. We pulled his record, but I don't think you're going to like it, Mr. Hand.
Hand: John Murdoch's Favorite Polka Songs? Oh well, give me his memories anyway.
Wall: This is a bad idea. He'll be separated from the hive mind.
Book: Don't worry. We're the Stangers. Murdoch will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
Hand: Where's John Murdoch?
May: Who? I'm only on a first-name basis with my customers, and they're all johns anyway.
Hand: Crap. We hit a brick wall.
Wall: Things are getting out of hand.
Murdoch: The clock says eleven, but it's still dark outside.
Karl: That's because we're on Daylight Savings Time.
Murdoch: But I haven't seen a ray of sunlight since this movie started.
Karl: Hey, when we save daylight, we really save daylight.
Hand: Ha! I caught you because I have your memories! I've also got polka tunes stuck in my head for the same reason.
Murdoch: At least tell me what's going on.
Hand: We take over dead bodies and run gruesome experiments on you.
Murdoch: Okay, stop telling me.
Bumstead: You wanna explain why you're killing prostitutes?
Murdoch: Sure. When was the last time you saw the sun? What is the Matrix? Did you order that code red?
Bumstead: That's not an explanation.
Murdoch: Yet.
Emma: I'm sorry I cheated on you.
Murdoch: Don't worry about it. It's not like that affair you had with that guy actually happened.
Emma: I was talking about just now with Inspector Bumstead.
Schreber: See, the Strangers are experimenting on us. Every night they stop time and steal our jobs, our lives, and our self-respect.
Murdoch: Xenophobia much?
Schreber: No more than usual.
Hand: Ha ha! I win because I'm threatening your pseudo-wife!
Murdoch: Crap. I surrender.
Bumstead: No! Never give up, never surrender! I'm going to continue breaking down this wall, and that Wall...
Wall: Wha-- AAAH!
Bumstead and Wall: GAK!
Book: Sweet! We might have found the cure for our deadly disease in Murdoch.
Schreber: Well, we can't have that. Let's inject him with this convenient deus ex machina drug instead.
Baby Murdoch: Googoo gah?
Schreber: I've implanted myself into all your memories growing up. This has to qualify as child abuse and mental rape, but who cares?
Child Murdoch: I didn't ask for this.
Schreber: Too bad. You're the One. I'm teaching you how to use your Q powers to fight the Strangers.
Teen Murdoch: You really are a xenophobe.
Schreber: Shut up, kid.
Adult Murdoch: Wait, how do you know how to teach me to use my Q powers if you don't have them to know how they work?
Schreber: Shut up, adult.
Book: A final showdown? You'll never beat me!
Murdoch: Actually, your weaknesses are an open book to me.
Book: I hope you can live with genocide, creep. GAK!
Murdoch: Yay! I won and I'm ready to celebrate! Where's Emma?
Schreber: Unfortunately, the Strangers changed her memory. She's Anna now and she doesn't remember you.
Murdoch: Crap. Guess I'll just have to find a prostitute instead. No wait, bad idea.
Anna: Hey, you're kinda cute.
Murdoch: It's not every day you meet the girl you're going to marry.
Anna: Yes, thank you, Ben.
Murdoch: Hey, my name's John... I think.
(The world reforms at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
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