Baw Fivers - Home to BaW, BaS, BoV, and others

[Celeste]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sorry to hear about the dead thing Draknek. Hope things get better. Though I guess anything is better than being Dead.[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Well, my post count suggests that I've been dead for the few months.

That's actually quite accurate.[/quoteost_uid0]

Spending a year dead for tax purposes?

Fully dead or mostly dead?

Or are you just pining for the fjords?

(How many cliches can I pack into a single post?)[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][iost_uid0]Star Trek: The Five-Minute Generation[/iost_uid0]

Episode #47 - "Apostrophe of Fear", Part IIa

[iost_uid0]In an anti-Zeke space station, somewhere high in orbit over Nicaragua...[/iost_uid0]

Captain Galactic: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! I'm in a BaW fiver! Yay me!
Zuke: Sigh. It's not quite what I hoped, but it beats Solihull.
Captain Galactic: Look, I've got "las-er" and everything.
Zuke: Can we just get back to evil plotting please?
Captain Galactic: Alright, but only if we get to play charades again later.

[iost_uid0]Meanwhile, back on the ZonK Collective flagship...[/iost_uid0]

FatMat: Does anyone have any ideas at all?
NAH: Um, well, there's always the old 'blow them to smeg method', though that lacks a certain finesse. That reminds me, just why did you destroy the [iost_uid0]Enterprise-D[/iost_uid0]?
FatMat: Seemed like the thing to do.
Katy Jane: Could we get back to your plans please?
Sax: Hang on - What are you doin here? I though you were a Zuke supporter.
Katy Jane: Me? Hahah. Where did you get that idea? Hahah. It's not like I'm secretly transmitting your plans to the Supreme Overlord. Hahaha.
Celeste: Hookay. I guess we'll just have to keep thinking then.
Homer: D'oh! I mean, uh, woo-hoo!


Well, I'm pretty much out of ideas for now - it's approx. 1am so I should probably go to bed. I might finish this tomorrow, though anyone else is free to do so if they want.[/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Homer! Woo-Hoo![/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I was going to include this in the next segment of the series that started this thread, but I may as well get it out of the way so I don't have to limit myself to a time travel story:


[color=redost_uid0]Celeste:[/colorost_uid0] C'mon, Zeke, tell me: what do you think of my fiver for Star Trek XII? ...Zeke, have you even [iost_uid0]read[/iost_uid0] it yet? :suspicious:
[color=purpleost_uid0]Zeke:[/colorost_uid0] Celeste, you gave it to me in January. This is March. Have patience. You know, there were other submissions for other fivers before yours. I can't go giving you special preference all the time. And every so often, this thing called 'real life' intrudes on my consciousness.
[color=redost_uid0]Celeste:[/colorost_uid0] :eyeroll: Yeah, in January of 2011! This is March of 2023. That's over 12 years!
[color=purpleost_uid0]Zeke:[/colorost_uid0] Yep. Such is life.
[color=blueost_uid0]SimonBob:[/colorost_uid0] Behind that philosophical facade is a guy who doesn't want to admit he accidentally deleted all his fiver e-mail about seven years ago.[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][iost_uid0]Star Trek: The Five-Minute Generation[/iost_uid0]

Episode #47 - "Apostrophe of Fear", Part IIb

PointyHairedJedi: Eureka! I've got it!
FatMat: You have a plan?
PointyHairedJedi: What? No. I was watching something before and it had William Sadler in it except I couldn't remember his name and it was really bugging me and I've only just remembered it.
Sax: Isn't it annoying when that happens?
Nan: I suppose it would be, but I'm usually too busy hitting HellSPAWN with my foam bat to be bothered.
(Transporter sound)
Zuke: What the..? What am I doing here?
Celeste: I got bored of all the yakking so I decided to take the initiative.
Zuke: But I was right in the middle of a game of...
Zeke: Enough! Time for a duel methinks.

Zuke: *Whuumm* At last we meet old man.
Zeke: *Whuuumm* Old? Yeesh. Talk about attack of the clones.
*Whuuum-whuum-kschhhh*
Redshirt#1: GAK!
Zuke: Didn't we do this already?
Zeke: I wanted to give you another chance....
*Skchhhhh-skccccccttt*
Zuke: To redeem myself?
Zeke: For me to make an utter fool of you. It was just so entertaining the first time round.
Redshirt#2: GAK!
Zuke: I think Kira is starting to rub off on you...
*Whuum-whuumm-skchrttt-kschhh*
Zuke: OW! You chopped my arm off!
Zeke: Really?
Zuke: Psych! CG, get me outa here!
Captain Galactic: (over comm) Right away your Supreme Overlordiness.
(Zuke dematerialises)

IAPCR Rep: Stop everything! I'm from the International Agency for the Prevention of Cruelty to Redshirts, and I'm calling a halt to this BaW fiver untill we've investigated it thouroughly.
PointyHairedJedi: But they died instantly! They felt no pain!
IAPCR Rep: Oh. Carry on then.

[iost_uid0]Back on the Nicaraguan space satation...[/iost_uid0]

Zuke: Where were the anti-beam out fields?
Captain Galactic: They arrive tuesday.
Zuke: It's not easy being an evil galactic overlord you know....

Andy: Is this ever actually going to end?
PointyHairedJedi: Who knows?
Derek: Who cares? I get a line!
MmeBlueberry: Woo-woo! I get one too!
Professor Frink: Muh-huy-huy!
PointyHairedJedi: It's the best I can do, ok? And on that bizarre note, lets end this for now.

I really, really need some sleep.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Maybe that's Zeke's secret to writing hilarious fivers...he waits until he's really tired to write anything. [/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Part Not-IIb - What Was The Question?

Captain Galactic: Thank you! Thaaaaank you!
Zuke: *whipcrack* What?
CG: Sorry, had my Universal Translator set to French. Mercy! Meeeercy!
Zuke: Bungler! Get your flunky to install those anti-transport shields.
CG: You heard the man, lacky. Get on it.
Stardust Cowboy: Yessir.


And I'm not even tired. I have this weirdness gland at the base of my brain.[/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[quoteost_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Sax: Isn't it annoying when that happens?
Nan: I suppose it would be, but I'm usually too busy hitting HellSPAWN with my foam bat to be bothered.[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]*raucous laughter*

I should really invest in a foam bat for PRECISELY that purpose.



Nan[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]O'Pipp: Aaah! *slam* :O
Zeke: Helmsman, Red Alert just activated. What is going on?
O'Pipp: The ship ahead just slammed to a stop out of nowhere! We're gonna collide and explode into a million bajillion pieces, ma'am! :crying:
Zeke: It isn't crunch time yet, Ensign. I'll let you know when.
PHJ: Braking thrusters inoperative, sir! I told ye she couldnae take much more of this!
NAH: I calculate the odds that we will collide and die horribly as being approximately 7,621.4 to 7,613. In other words, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIE! AAAHH! OH NOO--*thunk* urk
Katy Jane: [reprovingly] Captain!
Zeke: He was getting on my nerves. Every time someone uses an exclamation point, I cringe. There's always a chance that they'll slip up and add a second one. Time till impact?
O'Pipp: Estimate ten seconds.
Zeke: Sco--er, PHJ! I need thrusters in five! Helm, sound collision alarm. All hands, brace for impact!
O'Pipp: With pleasure. [bangs on her console]
PHJ: Right. Lemme in there--
O'Pipp: OW! Quit pulling my leg.
PHJ: Thrusters restored, Helm. Hint hint.
O'Pipp: Applying thrusters with glee, sir!
Troi: Perhaps the recent storm left an ionic residue on subspace in such a way as to affect the effect of thrusters? --Hey, what am I doing here anyway?
NAH: To deliver that useless line. Now don't ask me anything for a while. I'm busy being unconscious here. :zzz:
Ship: *suddenly comes to an abrupt stop, literally inches from the ship in front*
NAH: *WHUMP* AGH! :dead:
NeoMatrix: What the...? Wasn't he b--I mean, didn't he have his collision restraint thingies engaged? :S :suspicious:
Celeste: [innocently] Oh, I don't know, these things are still in the experimental stage after all, they do seem to mysteriously disengage sometimes...[looks around at everyone looking at her] ...[iost_uid0]What[/iost_uid0]? Don't look at me like that. ...[iost_uid0]Dangit, people, I'm a [bost_uid0]dentist[/bost_uid0], not a public safety advocate![/iost_uid0]
O'Pipp: Yay, saved again by the incredibly skilled helmswoman! With pointy pointy ears, even.
PHJ: *ahem*
Zeke: Quite right, PHJ. We all contributed to saving the ship from disaster. Except for Butterfly Boy over there. :eyeroll: Isn't that right, Sp--er, First Officer?
Kira: :eyeroll: How you people can make a game out of almost crashing into a brand-new pickup driven by a big mean-looking guy is totally beyond me. I absolutely refuse to believe I was [iost_uid0]ever[/iost_uid0] that young and immature.
Zeke: C'mon, Kira, lighten up. Sheesh, right now I might as well go ahead and call you Spock. Or use you to knock some sense into Butterf--
Kira: Never, EVER, compare my demeanor to that of a wooden first officer again. Clear? Good.
Celeste: Speaking of Butterfly Boy, I get first dibs on his dental work! Muahahahaaaa! --I mean, yippee!
Zeke: Fine, knock yourself out. ...O'Pipp, have you ever driven anything with anti-lock brakes before?
O'Pipp: No, that's why I jumped at the chance to drive this. Variety's the spice of life, you know.
Zeke: Well, I think your spice just gave me several ulcers.
Captain Galactic: Speaking of which, well, not really, but anyway, the pick-up is gone now. Let's get going.
O'Pipp: Oh, yes, of course.

[iost_uid0](The minivan zooms off at Ludicrous Speed. Much to Zeke's further dismay.)[/iost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I won't ask what inspired that piece of funny wierdness.[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Woo hoo, I was the captain of a ship, with Celeste as my Commander/Number One.

If that ship caused a fender bender, there would have been some Space Rage going on.[/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]PHJ, you rule. I should really try to fake working on the computers more often. I completely forgot to check this thread.[/colorost_uid0]

[Captain Galactic]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sorry, NAHTMMM...
I...forgot to read yours. And I like to post guest at school, and you can't edit...thanks for the line!![/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Apostrophe of Fear, Part IIia

Draknek: How are preparations for the defense of Earth coming along?
Sa'ar Chasm: Quite well, though I'm not quite sure why we're acting like this.
Celeste: Heeeeyyy--hold on just a moment! I seem to recall being elected Dictator of Earth for Life or something a while back. So I'm in control of all you people. And I'm a ZonKer, so I say we welcome them with open arms!
Katy Jane: Sounds good to me. I'm freezing out here. What's for dinner?
Saxamaphone: Appropriately enough, chili. :smile:
Chili Joke Police: :suspicious:...
Saxamaphone: ...What? I'm innocent. I haven't done anything.

Captain Galactic: No, I've got it now! We'll act dead in the water when they arrive, so they'll think we're just a harmless satellite, but when they close in for the sack, we'll power up and launch a bomb downfield to one of the wide receivers--
Zuke: Galactic, you idiot, that's a football play. And a stupid one at that.
CG: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
*Buzz*
Communications Redshirt: Sirs, you have a call coming in, Line One.
Celeste: I order you two to surrender immediately.
Zuke: Nuts! *looks around hopefully*
Patton: Forget it, bud. I died years ago.
Zuke: Aw, nuts.
Celeste: Surrender already! I'm getting impatient. Riley needs a walk.
Zuke: Bwahahaa! What're you going to do if I don't surrender? My shields can stand up to any missile, torpedo, or phaser weapon. Nyaah!
Celeste: If you don't surrender, I'll send Chakotay up to pilot your station.
Zuke: :O AAAAAAHHHHH!
CG: No, it's [iost_uid0]my[/iost_uid0] station! [iost_uid0]Mine![/iost_uid0]
Zuke: I have altered our agreement. Pray that I do not alter it further.
CG: Eep! ...Yes, m'lord.

Zeke: NAH, what [iost_uid0]is[/iost_uid0] it with you and Chakotay jokes?
NAH: And pie jokes, and Troi jokes, and Topic Title jokes, and eggplant jokes, and...are you seeing the pattern here?
Opium: Unfortunately, yes.

MmeBlueberry: How are you going to end this installment?
NAH: I guess like this. I can't seem to think of anything else to do.
PointyHairedJedi: I hate it when that happens, don't you, Neo?
NeoMatrix: Oh, yes, yes, I agree. Whatever'll get me a line here.
mudshark: I quite agree with Neo.
NAH: Actually, I suppose I could do like Katy did last time and include a stunning parentage revelation...
The Squid: Er, maybe not. I think I'm still recovering from the discovery that I've got a famous anchorman for a father...

[iost_uid0](The ZonK flagship continues toward Earth at Ludicrous Speed)[/iost_uid0]

----------
Questions or comments about this fiver? Meh.


[/colorost_uid0]

[Captain Galactic]

[color=#000000ost_uid0] Wow. I've turned into a major plot device. Or something. *he...wait...shouln't I be being payed royalties for all you guys using my name? I demand justice.

...

Um...yes. It was very funny. Thank you.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]With apologies in advance to the Croce family and anyone else who feels traumatized by this:



[iost_uid0]On the west side of Canada
Somewhere north of Washington
Well if you go out there, you better just beware
of Nan the Romulan

Now Nan, she a fivist
And she like her smegs and 'deeds
And she like to drink her blue blue ale
But she hates that smokin' weed
She fights O'Pipp off of Jonas
Yeah, her life is never dull
She call 'em like she see 'em and as a bonus
She got fiving in her soul

And she's Nan (Nan) Nan (Nan) the Romulan
Evil 'n' mysterious 'n' Canadian
Eviler than Suliban
Mysteriouser than Smoking Man[/iost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]:howls:

You better watch out, she might just kill you for that. [/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="taya17"]You better watch out, she might just kill you for that. [/quoteost_uid0]
:O Â She [iost_uid0][bost_uid0]can't[/bost_uid0][/iost_uid0] kill me! I actually rhymed "Jonas"! That has to count for super-duper points or something![/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]What did I do to deserve a filk? [/colorost_uid0]