Block 2-1: And I feel fine

[Zeke]

Okay! A while ago I decided on Independence Day as the target of FBC number two. If you haven't seen it, it's very easy to find on TV or video. Let's do this thing.

We open with a shot of the American flag on the moon. Slowly, a shadow comes over it, the shadow of something massive. Soon the whole screen is obscured -- except for our little Earth, which will soon discover just how little it is.

Cue REM's "End of the World" on the radio at SETI, where a bored night-shifter suddenly sees red lights on his equipment. He puts on headphones and is astonished at what he hears. Soon, the whole crew is awake, listening to what can only be an alien radio signal... coming from the direction of the moon.

The news gets passed up the ladder to the Pentagon. A couple of military types debate what little is known so far (there's a big vague object, roughly 1/4 as massive as the moon, slowing down as it approaches Earth). They call the SecDef.

We'll stop Block 1 here. The SETI scene is clearly needed; the other two we'll include if there's something good for them, otherwise not. Here's a copy of the film script; I haven't noticed any major differences from the actual film yet, but we'll take it one block at a time.

Have at it!

[NAHTMMM]

Whee!

Apollo Stuff: MOMMYYYYYY!

Radio Astronomer: Hey, get a load of this one. I'm not sure, but it *might* be a signal from intelligent life.
Boss: . . . No, that's a call-in radio show.
Astronomer: Oops, wrong frequency. Here.
Boss: Wow, that broadcast sounds like it could be the real thing, all right. Can you trace where it's coming from?
Astronomer: Sure. . . . GASP! It's coming from . . . *inside this house*!
Everyone Else: GASP!
Astronomer: Just kidding. Actually, parallax reveals that it's coming from . . . *the Moon*!
Everyone Else: GASP!

[Wowbagger]

Hooray! My big chance to come up with jokes without risk of publication!

General: Sorry to wake you, sir, but there's a powerful alien vessel one-quarter the size of the moon in orbit.
SecDef: Powerful? How do you know it's not just more prawns?
General: It's one-quarter the mass of the moon, sir, and the tides haven't wiped out the Eastern Seaboard.
SecDef: My... *takes off glasses* ...God!

OR:

Mothership: *looms*
Man in the Moon: Hey! Mind scratching my back? I've got this stupid flag stuck in my--
(BRAZAP!)
Man in the Moon: GAK!
Mothership: *looms*

OR:

Alien 1: Our target: an obscure body in the SK system. The inhabitants call it... Earth.
Comically Oversized Alien Mothership: *looms*
(dum dum dum dum DUM DUM DUM DUM...)
Queen: FLASH! A-ah! Saviour of the universe!

OR:

Tech 1: Fascinating. A simple binary code transmitted by carrier-wave signal. Radio!
Supervisor: I don't care, Mr. Roykirk. What's it saying?
Tech 1: It's asking for someone called... the Creator.
Supervisor: I'll call Mr. Emmerich now.
Tech 1: Too late! It's changed signals!
Alien Mothership: The Creator has not answered. The carbon-units infestation is to be removed from the Creator's planet.
Supervisor: Oh, good! Removing the carbon units! That solves global warming, right?

Best I've got, sadly.

[PointyHairedJedi]

I don't have any bright ideas yet for the first bit (which I think is needed), but something does suggest itself for the next bit...

Technician: A signal sir, look! It's coming from.... the moon.
Supervisor: Is it the whalers? The whalers on the moon? I hate those guys.
Tech: Uh, no.
Supervisor: Are you sure? They carry harpoons you know. The whalers on the moon.
Tech: Will you stop saying that!

General: So it's big, and headed this way. What do SETI think?
Underling: They think it's wh-- umm, they couldn't really say.
General: Hm. Get me the SecDef... of the United States!
Underling: You really wanted to say "President" there, didn't you.
General: Did it show much?

[NAHTMMM]

I kinda like the "loom" lines. Might remember that or a variation thereof for later. The global warming line is funny too.

Upon further review, the "whalers on the moon" scene is probably pretty good as well.

Obviously, the "call-in radio show" bit from my scene is optional. And the Apollo stuff could just say "eep!" or something if we want to avoid any chance of it over-emoting.

[Wowbagger]

My girlfriend enjoyed the "from inside this house" line quite a bit. She is a fan of old bad movies.

I didn't test the others on her.

I do like "looms", because that is totally what the Mothership does, but the Man in the Moon thing is crap. I can't think of anything better. OTOH, one thing Derek always tried to teach me (I never listened) was to go for short instead of long. Maybe just:

Alien Mothership: *looms*

Meanwhile: I'm certain "whalers on the moon" is a reference, but I've no idea what to. Link?

[PointyHairedJedi]

Futurama. In fact I think it was the second episode. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60BjkUtqxPE

Just "LOOMS" actually would do it for me. Quite like NAH's block too, though it's a bit long for what it is. Liked the prawns reference too, Wowbagger!

[NAHTMMM]

I'm just throwing whatever I've got out there. As I said before, my suggestion could be trimmed:

Mothership: *LOOMS*

Radio Astronomer: Hey, get a load of this one.
Boss: Wow, that broadcast sounds like it could be a signal from intelligent life. Can you trace where it's coming from?
Astronomer: Sure. . . . GASP! It's coming from . . . *inside this house*!
Everyone Else: GASP!
Astronomer: Just kidding. Actually, parallax reveals that it's coming from . . . *the Moon*!
Everyone Else: GASP!

Mothership: *LOOMS*

Technician: A signal sir, look! It's coming from.... the moon.
Supervisor: Is it the whalers? The whalers on the moon? I hate those guys.
Tech: Uh, no.
Supervisor: Are you sure? They carry harpoons you know. The whalers on the moon.
Tech: Will you stop saying that!

I could go for either of these. Nothing bowls me over for the third bit yet.

[Wowbagger]

Having watched PHJ's link, I now strongly approve of this joke.

Here's a shot at doing all three. Absolutely no new material ahoy:

Mothership: *LOOMS*

SETI Computer: You've got mail!
Supervisor: Oh, great. More prawns?
SETI Guy: No. The signal is coming from inside the house!
Everyone: GASP!
SETI Guy: Just kidding. Actually, the signal is coming from the Moon!

SecDef: A signal? From the moon? Is it the whalers? The whalers on the moon? I hate those guys.
Military Guy:: Uh, no. There ain't no whales on the moon.
SecDef: Are you sure? They carry harpoons you know. I'm not tellin' tall tales. The whalers on the moon.
Military Guy:: Will you stop saying that!

Alternate Ending:

Military Guy: Stop singing! Christ, and I thought this ended after "Let The Eagle Soar."

...which, of course, refers to the most comedic moment of the Bush Administration.

[Zeke]

Yep, but they totally made up for it with that time Dubya launched into U2.

[NAHTMMM]

Looks fine to me, Wowbagger.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Originally Posted by Wowbagger

Mothership: *LOOMS*

SETI Computer: You've got mail!
Supervisor: Oh, great. More prawns?
SETI Guy: No. The signal is coming from inside the house!
Everyone: GASP!
SETI Guy: Just kidding. Actually, the signal is coming from the Moon!

SecDef: A signal? From the moon? Is it the whalers? The whalers on the moon? I hate those guys.
Military Guy:: Uh, no. There ain't no whales on the moon.
SecDef: Are you sure? They carry harpoons you know. I'm not tellin' tall tales. The whalers on the moon.
Military Guy:: Will you stop saying that!

I think that's a pretty good edit.

I wonder if anyone ever says "Get me the Prime Minister of Canada!" in a dramatic movie voice?

[Chancellor Valium]

^I imagine the Queen does, on occasion.

Also, I was thinking of ripping out part of the Flash Gordon film for the opening. Specifically, the part which goes something like this:

Dr. Zarkoff: Quick, check the angular vector of the moon!
Assistant: It's off by 18 degrees.
Dr. Zarkoff: Just as I thought: alien interference!

(Intersperse with Ming's evil laughter to taste).

Not that the current opening isn't great.

[NAHTMMM]

Well, if nobody wants to propose a way of editing that into what we've got, I think we've got this block pretty well wrapped up. Agreed? Disagreed?

[PointyHairedJedi]

I'll go with that. We should definitely keep in mind Flash Gordon for later scenes though - the idea has much potential.

[Chancellor Valium]

To be honest, I couldn't find a very satisfactory way to fit the idea into the existing scene, so that sounds great to me.

[Wowbagger]

I love Flash Gordon. And I love Valium's plan. We will need some Flash later, and I say this even though I am a huge HTML5 partisan.

I'm satisfied with the current block 2-1, as well.

Originally Posted by Zeke

Yep, but they totally made up for it with that time Dubya launched into U2.

You know, ultimately, I didn't vote for McCain for his policy positions, or his experience, or because of the medals he won for heroism in the Boer War.

I voted McCain because of that time Barack Rick Rolled me.

[Zeke]

So be it. To the next-block-mobile!

(New rule: From now on I'm going to leave block threads open for a while, in case someone comes along with an improvement. If that becomes a problem we'll go back to the old system.)