30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

April 30th, 1990, "Hollow Pursuits"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

Okay, let's get this out of the way up front. I like Barclay, but not in this first episode. This level of incompetence on the part of our crew is just unforgivable. As someone who's struggled with social anxiety myself, the way our crew handled Barclay's situation is absurd. You don't get to serve on the flagship with this many issues, you just don't. Barclay should've been assigned to a low-stress post with continual counseling and medication experimentation until he could get his act together.

Second issue, recreating real, currently living people on the holodeck without their consent should be a crime. Except for actual criminal investigations, of course.


Third, it should not be Geordi's job to hold Barclay's hand. There must be over a hundred officers in the Engineering section, Geordi doesn't have the time for that. Aren't there assistant chief engineers to handle this sort of thing? Whatever happened to Shimoda anyway?

Fourth, "Broccoli?" Even if we argue that everyone is speaking English so this joke would work (a very iffy proposition, but moving on), that's just abuse. How did this get past Gene? He's always harping about perfect human beings, and this is not perfect behavior. Uhura herself said that in the future we don't fear words.

Fifth, I'd think that the computer is keeping track of everyone's holodeck usage and if it gets too high Troi is notified. This episode makes it sound like Barclay spends all of his off hours in there, this isn't healthy and never should've gotten this far.

Besides, are there enough holodecks that everyone who wants holodeck time can just have it without waiting in line? That's absurd. Someone on Reddit did the math, and the amount of holodeck time per person with 16 holodecks is 10 hours per month. Of course some people don't like the holodeck and a lot of the 1012 people on board are children who wouldn't get solo time, but still. Even if we say that everyone who wants holodeck time can have 20 hours per month, Barclay is burning that off every week!

Sorry, but I had to get that out of my system. Moving on, get ready for some serious discussion of Treknology nits, they just show up so often in this episode.

The Episode

(Deanna slinks in wearing an off the shoulder number, as Howling Mad Murdoch pours himself a slug from a bottle on the bar)

I never watched the A-Team show, it was before my time. I did enjoy the movie in a "it's not supposed to be brilliant, it's supposed to be fun" sense.

LAFORGE: I just don't know what to do with him. The guy's always late, he never gives his best effort, just slides by. I'm telling you, I can't deal with it anymore. I mean, how does a guy like that make it through the Academy?

Forget the Academy, how'd he get assigned to the Enterprise in the first place? Wouldn't Geordi have some say in who gets posted to his department?

RIKER: Mister Barclay, I'm tired of seeing your name on report. I don't know what you got away with at your last posting, but this is the Enterprise. We set a different standard here. Understood?

Exactly.

[Nate the Great]

Captain's log, Stardate 43807.4. We are taking on a load of special tissue samples donated by the Mikulaks for shipment to Nahmi Four. The samples could prove vital to the containment of an outbreak of Correllium Fever on that world.

Put aside the technobabble here, why are there still so many deadly diseases on Federation worlds? I'll let it slide in TOS, the Federation was still "big" in terms of travel times and resources were stretched a bit thin. But this is supposed to be the prosperous, no-more-war era of the Federation. They should have the time to cure the major diseases on Federation worlds BEFORE they become outbreaks.

And the worst part is that more often than not these diseases are just backdrops, a reason for why the Enterprise is going from A to B. It smacks of writer laziness. The writers need to expand their vocabulary of generic Enterprise missions.

BARCLAY: I should have told him to mind his own damned business. I knew about the flux capacitor. I didn't need to hear about it from some seventeen year old kid.

Finally, something new! There should've been more resistance to Wesley having senior officer status among the junior officers. But no, in the perfect future Federation there's no resentment, or mourning, or prejudice, or anything like that. Until there is. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Roddenberry and Lucas may be geniuses when they're on tight leashes, but you let them off the leash at your peril.

LAFORGE: What do you do with a guy like that?
GUINAN: Well, I just serve him warm milk and let him be.

Bad Guinan! You're supposed to listen, and sometimes that means making your customer talk. It's your job to make sure everyone is having a good time in Ten Forward.

LAFORGE: Maybe I'm not make myself clear, Guinan. Barclay, well, he's always late. The man's nervous. Nobody wants to be around this guy.
GUINAN: If I felt that nobody wanted to be around me, I'd probably be late and nervous too.
LAFORGE: Guinan, that's not the point.
GUINAN: Are you sure?

Very good exchange. Mental health triggers can come from anyone, it's not always the afflicted's fault.

(He comes upon a Gainsborough tableau - Beverly on a floral swing and Wesley in blue, eating cake. There's a white parakeet in a cane cage too)

Chakotea does his research, you have to give him that. Thomas Gainsborough was an 18th century English painter, noted for doing portraits of fancily-dressed people.

LAFORGE: Hey, Barclay, I've spent a few hours on the holodeck too, you know. Now, as far as I'm concerned what you do in the holodeck is your own business, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

Unless you illegally replicate real people of course. Mr. Worf, take Broccoli here to the brig!

BARCLAY: Being afraid all the time, of forgetting somebody's name, not knowing what to do with your hands. I mean, I'm the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there's a party. And then when he finally get there, he winds up alone in the corner trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.
LAFORGE: You're just shy, Barclay.
BARCLAY: Just shy. Sounds like nothing serious, doesn't it? You can't know.

Ouch. You gotta feel for Reg here.

TROI: Have you ever been with a counsellor before?
BARCLAY: Yes. No.

Really, Troi? You couldn't sense this guy's stress and arranged a visit before now? Even if you argue that Reg only transferred here recently, you'd think it'd be one of Troi's jobs to evaluate all newcomers to make sure that any required treatment was started.

RIKER: This is a violation of protocol. Crewmembers should not be simulated in the holodeck.

Exactly.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: You know, there's nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life, as long as you don't let it take over.
RIKER: You call this healthy?
TROI: You're taking it so seriously. It's not without its element of humour.
HOLO-TROI: I am the goddess of Empathy. Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy.
LAFORGE: Oh, my God.
HOLO-TROI: Discard your facades and reveal your true being to me.
TROI: Computer, discontinue.
RIKER: Computer, belay that order! We want to get more insight into what's been troubling the poor man, remember? Quite a healthy fantasy life, wouldn't you say?
(Geordi agrees)

Always a funny scene.

WORF: Sir, our velocity increased to warp seven point two five.
DATA: Compensating, sir.
WORF: Confirmed. Velocity now warp seven.
PICARD: Maintain that. What the hell happened?
DATA: The matter-antimatter injectors locked for a split second. I am not certain why, sir. They appear to be working properly now.

What do the matter-antimatter injectors have to do with the warp fields? Just say that the warp coils locked for a split second! Why do I get the feeling that I could do a better job than the Okudas?

BARCLAY: It's not a computer problem. The mechanism is physically jammed. I can't clear it.

Jammed? So what? Just cut the matter and antimatter feeds to the injectors themselves! And don't tell me that there aren't manual cutoffs to the injectors!

LAFORGE: We can't shut it down, Captain. Antimatter flow is increasing. She's accelerating out of control.

1. How can the flow be increasing if the injectors are jammed?
2. Is the warp core automatically increasing the matter flow to react with the antimatter flow?
3. They can't vent the extra warp plasma before it gets to the nacelles?
4. They can't turn off the warp coils?

LAFORGE: Okay, this ship is going to start tearing itself apart in fifteen minutes. I want every idea on the table. I don't care how outrageous.
DUFFY: What about attempting a magnetic quench on the fusion pre-burners?
LAFORGE: No, I already tried that. The magnetic fields won't reset.

Okay, you can't turn off the antimatter flow. Of course I question how you could reset the magnetic fields without the antimatter reacting with the sides of the warp core.

WESLEY: Could the fuel inlet servos be caught in cycle?
LAFORGE: If they were, the swirl dampers would be frozen too and they aren't.

I think the swirl dampeners are supposed to focus the matter/animatter streams after they leave the inlets. Why freezing one system here is supposed to automatically freeze another system is beyond me.

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The plasma flow to the nacelles is uneven due to injector lock. An emergency saucer separation could rupture the warp field.

Um, what? How is the flow uneven? The injectors are locked, making a larger-than-usual amount of warp plasma go to the warp coils. That's not uneven, that's overload. Besides, the saucer is supposed to rupture the warp field, that's its job! I think Data is saying that the warp fields of the two nacelles are no longer in synch due to the plasma flow, and thus is in more danger of collapse if the saucer separation disrupts it. There's still a better way to word that...

LAFORGE: None of the systems involved interact directly with each other. I don't see anything in common.

No direct interaction? Nothing in common? Oh, the lecture I could give on this subject!

LAFORGE: Computer, list all physical substances that wouldn't normally be picked up by an internal scan.
COMPUTER: There are fifteen thousand five hundred twenty five known substances that cannot be detected by standard scans.

Well, that's disturbing. Of course, you'd think they would've done a complete scan WAY before this...

LAFORGE [OC]: Recommend we flood the injector pathway conduit with gaseous cryonetrium. That ought to neutralise it.

"Neutralize" has two meanings. Just freezing it would make it unable to react with anything, but you have to thaw it out at some point. Geordi could've worded this better.

BARCLAY: Erase all programs filed under Reginald Barclay. (turns to leave) Except programme nine.

One can only wonder what's in Program 9.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Barclay: Duty calls, sweetheart.
La Forge: What?
Barclay: Uh, that was Humphrey Bogart you heard, sir. I'm watching an old movie.

"Duty calls, sweetheart" appears in many old movies, but I couldn't find a Bogart one.

Riker: Barclay's hopeless, Captain. I think we should transfer him to the U.S.S. Elba.

Of course the joke is about Napoleon's exile on Elba, but as it turns out Elba is also a city in Alabama that happens to be a suburb of Enterprise. Of course Marc didn't intend this, but it's an interesting coincidence.

O'Brien: See what happens when I send a test object through the transporter? It comes back as a pile of twisted junk.
La Forge: Yikes -- that's scary enough to a give a person transporter phobia. I'll ask Barclay to take a look at this thing right away.

I'm pretty sure Barclay already had transporter phobia, but that's okay. One wonders how any Starfleet engineer can use the thing comfortably, the "knowing what goes into the sausage" effect, so to speak.

La Forge: But why do you have to use us as your characters? Why don't you simulate -- well, for instance, the crew of a nice Intrepid-class starship or something?

The Intrepid class won't enter service for another three years, but of course the ships must've been under construction by now. I still don't like DS9's implication that a starship can be built top to bottom in like a year.

Holo-Picard: Will you be erasing all of your programs?
Barclay: I might keep just one as a souvenir.
Holo-Troi: Have you decided which one?
Barclay: Probably "Vulcan Love Slave, Part Two." I find T'Pol's hot-lube rubdowns to be very relaxing.

Eww. I'd hardly equate decon get with "hot-lube" anyway.

Memory Alpha

* Some think that the episode is a satire of obsessed Trekkies. I don't see it. Why fantasize about playing Three Musketeers with Starfleet officers when you can actually play Three Musketeers with the actual Musketeers?
* On DS9 O'Brien and Worf refer to the events of this episode, even though neither of them saw Barclay's holodeck programs. While I could imagine O'Brien making allowances for Barclay, Worf would never cut him the slack that Geordi had to.

[Nate the Great]

May 7th, 1990 "The Most Toys"


Fiver (by Kira)

Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

VARRIA: Twenty six point eight kilos of tripolymer composites. Eleven point eight kilos of molybdenum-cobalt alloy. One point three kilos Bioplast sheeting.



The numbers indicate that she's reading a list of material in decreasing order of mass. Forty kilos is ninety pounds. I'm pretty sure Data is supposed to be heavier than a person. Still within the carrying capacity of a Klingon, but heavier than a person.



Incidentally, molybdenum-cobalt composites are toxic. And why isn't his structural frame made of duranium?



WESLEY: I can't believe he's gone.
LAFORGE: I always thought he'd outlive us, by centuries.
(Wesley uncovers a painting)
WESLEY: He'd been working on this for months. He never felt it was quite finished.
LAFORGE: You know what a critic Data was, especially about his own work.
(Geordi opens a drawer and takes out a book. Shakespeare, I think)
WESLEY: That was a gift from the Captain.
LAFORGE: And he should have it back.
(Cards and poker chips)
WESLEY: Those should go to Commander Riker.
LAFORGE: Data always fell for Riker's bluffs.
(A box with eight medals in it)
WESLEY: These are some of Starfleet's highest honours.
LAFORGE: Not bad for a walking pile of circuitry and memory cells.
(and the hologram of Tasha Yar)
LAFORGE: You know, I keep going over and over the accident in my mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. I can see Data in the shuttle, almost like I'm sitting there next to him going through the departure sequence. What the hell happened? Why didn't I see it coming? What am I missing?



Always a great scene. Although I do wonder why Data owns the poker set and not Riker.


PICARD: We must select an officer to replace Data at Ops. Recommendations?
RIKER: Worf would be my first choice, sir.
PICARD: Mine as well. Make it so.



What? While Worf is no doubt trained to man Ops in a pinch, he doesn't know enough to man it permanently. Data should have an assistant who can take the post until he's promoted or a new officer is transferred in. I know, I know, this provides for good characterization for Worf, but that doesn't negate the point.



(Picard opens the copy of Shakespeare that has been returned to him at Data's bookmark. It's Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 2)
PICARD: (reading) He was a man, taken for all in all. I shall not look upon his like again.


Great line.

FAJO: You are still wearing that uniform. Why?
DATA: I am a Starfleet officer.
FAJO: You are not in Starfleet any longer.



A debatable point. Starfleet considers him dead by now, but when Scotty returned nobody acts like he no longer has a rank.



DATA: I have been designed with a fundamental respect for life in all its forms and a strong inhibition against causing harm to living beings.
FAJO: What a marvellous contradiction. A military pacifist. Tell me, whose dreadful decision was it to enlist you in Starfleet to begin with?



Ugh. I also have a fundamental respect for life and would never commit murder, but I don't consider killing in war or self-defense to be impossibilities.



As for whether or not it's reasonable that Data hasn't killed yet...I suppose so. At this point, that is. Even if you don't count Borg drones as things that can be killed (a whole discussion by itself), it's likely that he killed Jem'Hadar during the Dominion War.


TROI: I know, but this isn't a Klingon ship and Data was your friend. And it's the second time you've replaced a crewmate who's died.
WORF: I honour Data's memory, as I did Lieutenant Yar's, by attempting to perform their duties as well as they did.
TROI: In true Klingon fashion.
WORF: I appreciate your concern.



Worf's position is valid and there's a lot to discuss here. My immediate question is whether or not Worf considers Data's death any more honorable than Tasha's.

[Nate the Great]

TOFF: With the pearls intact? FAJO: Please. Pearls were added by the Ferengi agents to increase the value.



I find this an interesting concept. While Earth pearls are so simple in construction that they can probably be replicated, who says that there isn't an alien equivalent that are as nonreplicatable as latinum?

[Nate the Great]

May 7th, 1990 "The Most Toys"


Fiver (by Kira)

Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

VARRIA: Twenty six point eight kilos of tripolymer composites. Eleven point eight kilos of molybdenum-cobalt alloy. One point three kilos Bioplast sheeting.



The numbers indicate that she's reading a list of material in decreasing order of mass. Forty kilos is ninety pounds. I'm pretty sure Data is supposed to be heavier than a person. Still within the carrying capacity of a Klingon, but heavier than a person.



Incidentally, molybdenum-cobalt composites are toxic. And why isn't his structural frame made of duranium?



WESLEY: I can't believe he's gone.
LAFORGE: I always thought he'd outlive us, by centuries.
(Wesley uncovers a painting)
WESLEY: He'd been working on this for months. He never felt it was quite finished.
LAFORGE: You know what a critic Data was, especially about his own work.
(Geordi opens a drawer and takes out a book. Shakespeare, I think)
WESLEY: That was a gift from the Captain.
LAFORGE: And he should have it back.
(Cards and poker chips)
WESLEY: Those should go to Commander Riker.
LAFORGE: Data always fell for Riker's bluffs.
(A box with eight medals in it)
WESLEY: These are some of Starfleet's highest honours.
LAFORGE: Not bad for a walking pile of circuitry and memory cells.
(and the hologram of Tasha Yar)
LAFORGE: You know, I keep going over and over the accident in my mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. I can see Data in the shuttle, almost like I'm sitting there next to him going through the departure sequence. What the hell happened? Why didn't I see it coming? What am I missing?



Always a great scene. Although I do wonder why Data owns the poker set and not Riker.


PICARD: We must select an officer to replace Data at Ops. Recommendations?
RIKER: Worf would be my first choice, sir.
PICARD: Mine as well. Make it so.



What? While Worf is no doubt trained to man Ops in a pinch, he doesn't know enough to man it permanently. Data should have an assistant who can take the post until he's promoted or a new officer is transferred in. I know, I know, this provides for good characterization for Worf, but that doesn't negate the point.



(Picard opens the copy of Shakespeare that has been returned to him at Data's bookmark. It's Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 2)
PICARD: (reading) He was a man, taken for all in all. I shall not look upon his like again.


Great line.

FAJO: You are still wearing that uniform. Why?
DATA: I am a Starfleet officer.
FAJO: You are not in Starfleet any longer.



A debatable point. Starfleet considers him dead by now, but when Scotty returned nobody acts like he no longer has a rank.



DATA: I have been designed with a fundamental respect for life in all its forms and a strong inhibition against causing harm to living beings.
FAJO: What a marvellous contradiction. A military pacifist. Tell me, whose dreadful decision was it to enlist you in Starfleet to begin with?



Ugh. I also have a fundamental respect for life and would never commit murder, but I don't consider killing in war or self-defense to be impossibilities.



As for whether or not it's reasonable that Data hasn't killed yet...I suppose so. At this point, that is. Even if you don't count Borg drones as things that can be killed (a whole discussion by itself), it's likely that he killed Jem'Hadar during the Dominion War.


TROI: I know, but this isn't a Klingon ship and Data was your friend. And it's the second time you've replaced a crewmate who's died.
WORF: I honour Data's memory, as I did Lieutenant Yar's, by attempting to perform their duties as well as they did.
TROI: In true Klingon fashion.
WORF: I appreciate your concern.



Worf's position is valid and there's a lot to discuss here. My immediate question is whether or not Worf considers Data's death any more honorable than Tasha's.




FAJO: This is not a mannequin. This is Data. This is formerly Lieutenant Commander Data of the Federation Starfleet. The only sentient android in existence.



I'd prefer "Data, formerly of the Federation Starfleet", but whatever. Only sentient android in existence? Oh, boy, that's a loaded question. Ruk and company are all dead, that's okay. All the Flint-type androids are dead, ditto. The Ilia probe...probably dead. Mudd's jailers...probably not. In fact, I hope they eventually joined the Federation.


Wesley: There's some naked pictures of Tasha under the bed.
La Forge: What? How do you know that?
Wesley: Uh…I plead the fifth.


Actually in the Constitution of the Federation the protection against self-incrimination is the Seventh Guarantee.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Mister Crusher, put us into close orbit. Mister Data, scan. My apologies, Mister Worf.


Again, nice moment.


FAJO: It's not just lethal. It's vicious. It tears a body apart, inside out, and very slowly too by your phaser standards. It's tortuous. A very, very painful death. I've always wanted to try this.



These Faron-T disruptors had tremendous potential, I'm sad they never appeared again. Well, the prop appeared in "Starship Mine", but I doubt it was meant to be a Faron-T disruptor.


COMPUTER: Accessing file Kivas Fajo. A Zibalian trader of the Stacius trade guild, educated on Iraaten Five. A noted collector of rare and valuable objects including the Rejac Crystal, the Starry Night by Van Gogh, the Lawmim Galactopedia, the Moliam Andi tapestries...


You'd think Picard would've looked this up before they met him in the first place. The Rejac Crystal is obviously a reference to "Wolf in the Fold". The Starry Night is currently in New York's Museum of Modern Art. I doubt they'd sell it any more than the Louve would sell the Mona Lisa. The other two only appear here.



WESLEY: The Jovis has a maximum speed of warp three. He's had twenty three hours so we can define a perimeter of point one oh two light years as his possible distance.



Using the most traditional TNG equation Warp Three is 38.9c, so 23 hours is 37.3 light-years. 0.102 light-years in 23 hours is 0.1064c, half-impulse! Heaven forbid they actually consult the available charts and say "thirty-five light years"!


Furthermore, 0.102 light-years is 965 million kilometers, about the distance from the Sun to Jupiter. The Enterprise should be able to find it with its own sensors!

[Nate the Great]

O'BRIEN: I'm reading a weapon in transit with Commander Data. It seems to have discharged, sir.
RIKER: Discharged?
O'BRIEN: I'm deactivating it.
RIKER: Welcome back, Mister Data. Are you all right?
DATA: Yes, Commander. Please arrange to take Kivas Fajo into custody on charges of murder, kidnapping, theft.
RIKER: The arrangements have already been made.
DATA: A Varon-T disruptor. It belongs to Fajo.
RIKER: Mister O'Brien says the weapon was in a state of discharge.
DATA: Perhaps something occurred during transport, Commander.



Soon enough we'll get to people's opinions on why Data lied here, but my opinion is that this is stupid. Nobody would question Data's motivation to kill Fajo once they hear the story.



The Fiver

Fajo: Congratulations, you've been selected to join my cool collection of stuff! I've got some guy's baseball card, an extinct slug, and a draft version of the script for "Star Trek V" that didn't suck.
Data: Ooooo!


A good version of Star Trek V? That's as likely as infinite speed turning people into lizards!

Troi: So, Worf…you've been promoted twice because of accidents that killed superior officers.
Worf: Are you implying something?
Troi: Nope, just stating the obvious as usual.
Worf: Good. I wonder if I can arrange to go on a dangerous away mission with Commander Riker….



Even if we accept that Worf is qualified to take Data's job, he's not ready to take Riker's.



Fajo: It's not a statue, it's a one-of-a-kind android -- watch this. Hello, Data.
(Data fails to react)
Toff: Pfft. He's not one-of-a-kind. I've got Robert Beltran in my collection and he does the same thing.



I never did like the wooden Chakotay joke. It was a writing problem, not an acting problem.


Fajo: Sit in that chair or I'll shoot poor Varria here.
Data: I'd still rather not.
Fajo: But just think how guilty you'll feel if she dies.
Data: I do not have any feelings.
Fajo: Less pointing out plot holes, more sitting.



Data can mourn via a sensation of emptiness, plus I think Data can "feel" bad about causing the death of another without actual emotion.


Varria: AAAAAAAA!
Data: Mind if I borrow your gun?
Varria: I'm dead, you moron. I was just vaporized.
Data: In that case, I guess you won't mind.


Hehe. I would've probably namedropped actress Jane Daly and had her walk away demanding her agent or something.

[Nate the Great]

May 14th, 1990, "Sarek"

Transcript
Fiver (by IJD GAF)
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log: Stardate 43917.4 The Enterprise has been given the singular honour of hosting the first meeting between the Federation and a mysterious race known as the Legarans.

Um, Sarek started talking with these guys 93 years ago. That doesn't count as a "first meeting" with the Federation?

Captain's log: We are in orbit around Vulcan, preparing to welcome aboard Federation Ambassador Sarek and his wife Perrin, who like his first wife, is from Earth.

Um, Sarek's first wife wasn't Amanda, it was Sybok's mother the Vulcan princess (known as T'Rea in the novels).

It's interesting to note that nothing expressly contradicts the notion that there were wives in between Amanda and Perrin. Amanda died in 2293 (if you believe the novel Sarek) or 2311 (if you believe the novel "The Fire and the Rose). That's over fifty years for there to be other wives. Then again, a comic states that Perrin and Sarek married in 2327.

RIKER: I remember studying his career in school. The treaty of Alpha Cygnus Nine, the Coridan admission to the Federation, the Klingon Alliance.

Alpha Cygus Nine is only mentioned here (another episode has an Okudagram cameo). Coridan is of course from "The Journey to Babel."

PICARD: I met him once, many years ago, very briefly at his son's wedding.

Whether or not this is a reference to Spock is a complicated matter. The novels make it clear that it was and that Spock was engaged to Saavik. This took place in 2328 or 2329 (Picard is referencing the engagement ceremony, remember that the initial bonding is more than an engagement and less than a marriage), the actual wedding didn't take place until 2344. Don't ask me why adult Vulcans would have a prolonged engagement.

MENDROSSEN: Which is why it is imperative that he be allowed to conserve his strength. I must request that you dispense with any formal activities normally associated with a visitor of his rank.

Besides the Mozart concert and a formal reception, what would be appropriate for a visitor of his rank? A kal-toh tournament in his honor? Inviting him to lead a lecture? Including him in senior staff briefings?

Or maybe I'm just used to TOS ambassadors who keep sticking their noses in places that they don't belong.

WESLEY: Yeah, I have a date.
LAFORGE: A date? With who?
WESLEY: Ensign Dumont.
LAFORGE: Really? She's very attractive. I've got to admit, Wes, I'm a bit surprised.
WESLEY: What, that she'd go out with me?
LAFORGE: No, that you'd actually have the nerve to ask her. Way to go.

Cute scene.

PERRIN: My husband has taken an interest in your career. He finds it to be satisfactory.
PICARD: My word! High praise from a Vulcan.

Nice touch.

WESLEY: Since when did you become an expert on women?
LAFORGE: Compared to you, every male on this ship is an expert on women.

An interesting question, who's the biggest loser when it comes to women? At this point Wesley's biggest relationship was with Salia, and Geordi has only fallen in love with a hologram. Wesley will go on to be with Robin Lefler, while Geordi only has Aquiel on his dance card. I'd say Geordi is the biggest loser. Other opinions?

WESLEY: Well at least I don't have to find my women on the holodeck!
LAFORGE: What did you say?
WESLEY: You heard me!

This isn't fair. Geordi didn't create the Brahms hologram to be a date, he just wanted someone less mechanical to talk to.

DATA: I have been programmed to reproduce the individual musical styles of over three hundred concert violinists, including Heifetz, Menuhin, Grak-tay and Tataglia. Do you have a preference?
PERRIN: Tataglia would be lovely.

I don't like this. If you want the Tataglia version of Mozart, you can ask the computer to make one. Data is supposed to be using these prior artists as teachers, not just reproduce their performances.

CRUSHER: I thought you were going to be at the concert last night.
WESLEY: I said I may be going. Suzanne wanted to go to the arboretum.
CRUSHER: Captain Picard asked me where you were. I don't like making excuses for you.
WESLEY: Excuses? Come on, Mom. It wasn't an official function.

Lots to unpack here. Can Picard order the senior staff to attend diplomatic functions when they're not directly involved? Does Wesley count as a senior officer for such functions anyway? Did Picard make it clear to Wesley that his presence was desired?

SAKKATH: Counsellor Troi is a Betazoid?
DATA: Half-Betazoid. Her father was human.
SAKKATH: Then she is not a true telepath?
DATA: Her skills are empathic in nature.

So Sakkath doesn't want Troi spilling the beans about Sarek, fair enough. But I'd think the level of her abilities would be in a profile somewhere that Sarek (and his staff) can access. This won't be the first or last time someone tries to get information out of Data under the assumption that Data wouldn't find their behavior weird. It's getting old.

DATA: Extensive. The Captain's first diplomatic contact dates back to
SAKKATH: And what of his knowledge of the Legarans? Would he be able to conduct negotiations with them should the need arise?
DATA: Do you foresee such a circumstance occurring?

I thought Sarek was the only member of the Federation that's even talked with these people, and it took forty years to get the relationship to "let's talk officially" levels. I don't think Picard could substitute in this case.

TROI: Vulcans possess telepathic ability. Sarek may unintentionally be projecting intense emotions onto other people, at random.

This is one part of the plot that I never liked. Vulcans have always been presented as touch-telepaths, with the farthest from that being using other materials as a conduit or extremely short-range through the air. The Enterprise is a kilometer long and way too big for a Vulcan to broadcast emotions unless they are literally holding the Stone of Gol.

PICARD: And when the Legarans beam on board?
CRUSHER: They could very well be affected too.
PICARD: Is there a treatment?

There must be way to sedate a Vulcan into a sleep so deep that they don't emit telepathic signals. At least enough for the Legarans, I get the feeling that they aren't typical humanoids if they like to sit in hot mud.

DATA: Captain Picard is not satisfied with Ki Mendrossen's assurances that the Ambassador is in good health. Do you consider Sarek capable of carrying out his mission?
SAKKATH: Have I given you cause to think otherwise?
DATA: You have voiced certain reservations to me about his abilities.
SAKKATH: I do not recall making such a statement.
DATA: Not directly, no. But you did question me about the diplomatic capabilities of both Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi.
SAKKATH: I am honour-bound to help Sarek carry out this mission. That is the only answer I can give.
DATA: Then you must decide which is your greater obligation. Your loyalty to Sarek or your duty to the Federation. Can you accept the logic of continuing this mission?
SAKKATH: Tell your Captain the mission is in jeopardy.

It's always fun to see somebody out-logic a Vulcan.

PICARD: It's ironic, isn't it? All this magnificent technology and we find ourselves still susceptible to the ravages of old age. The loss of dignity, the slow betrayal of our bodies by forces we cannot master. Do you still want to be one of us, Data?

Can modern Trek even come close to this level of philosophy?

SAREK: The Legarans trust only me. They will not meet with any other member of the Federation. I must be allowed to complete my mission! There are no other logical solutions!
PICARD: No other logical solutions? But Ambassador, there are always other solutions. You have said so yourself many times.
SAREK: What I meant was that
PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan would never be afraid of looking straight at something he did not want to see.
SAREK: I warn you! Your efforts to discredit me will not succeed!
PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan never confused what he wanted with the truth.
SAREK: I will not be spoken to in this manner!
PICARD: Do I hear anger in your voice?
SAREK: It would be illogical for a Vulcan to show anger! It would be illogical! Illogical! Illogical! Illogical!

Brutal, Picard. Brutal.

PICARD: He loves you very much.
PERRIN: I know. I have always known.

Nice touch.

SAREK: We shall always retain the best part of the other inside us.
PICARD: I believe I have the best part of that bargain, Ambassador.

And people have the nerve to say that TNG is boring.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Sakkath: (waves) We're the ambassador's aides. We always beam aboard first to ensure that nobody annoys Sarek during his stay here. He's an old man, and as such is easily annoyed by kids on skateboards and the like.

I wonder what the punchline would be these days. The fiver was published in 2004. That's before iPhones even existed. How did we survive without Twitter or YouTube?

Sarek: You call this a slime pit? And the walls are too bright. And the furniture too "2350s". And--

Egads, the days of Pike? Burn, Sarek, burn!

Perrin: (Thanks for changing the concert last minute)
Picard: (No problem; none of us like the "La La Lojix" either.)

When I do a source for "La la Logix" all I get is the fiver (which is also on TrekToday for some reason). Explanation, IJD GAF? A typo?

Crusher: ....and then, Wesley and I broke into a round of "your mother" jokes. For some reason or another, he won.

"Your mother jokes"? I thought they were "Yo' momma", or "Yer mum" in Britain.

Memory Alpha

* The "don't reference TOS" rule was still in effect, so it took a lot of work to slip "Spock" into the dialogue the one time.
* First appearance of Ensign Gates, who would man CONN for 46 episodes. Yikes.
* Ronald Moore thought this episode was better than "Journey to Babel." Ha ha ha. Keep telling yourself that, Ron.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why wouldn't Lwaxana's phase in "Manhunt" create more havok than Sarek here, given the differences between Betazoid and Vulcan telepathy?
* Wouldn't one of the other Vulcans on board be a better fit than Picard for the mindmeld? Then again, in the second volume Phil notes that the extreme emotions would be distasteful for the Vulcans on board.
* Sarek and Perrin are holding hands when they beamed out. Wouldn't the two beams cause trouble? I refute this saying that we've seen instances of the transporter pads linking up to transport larger objects. In particular I can think of the Bringloidi in "Up the Long Ladder."
* A part of the Mozart concert is actually a Brahms piece. Oops.
* Sarek forgets to give the Vulcan salute upon boarding the ship. I think you can chalk that one up to his condition.
* The slime pit is 150 degrees Celsius, which is over 300 degrees Farenheit. How are our crew just wandering around in there? Are there forcefields around the pits?

[Nate the Great]

May 28th, 1990 "Menage a Troi"

No fiver

The Episode

GRAX: They made a profit and behaved themselves. What more could one ask? Still, they trouble me. We Betazeds are uncomfortable with species like the Ferengi whose minds we can't read.

I understand the need for exposition, but this example is a little blunt and bordering on racism.

GRAX: Yes, Lwaxana and I go way back. Her first husband and I were old friends, and I've known Deanna since she was a child.

First husband? When did Lwaxana marry again? We know that she didn't find a husband after "Manhunt." Does Deanna have an unnamed stepfather from the past?

LWAXANA: Have you considered if you had stayed on Betazed, you might have been a happier person.

This is a loaded question. While Deanna can speak telepathically with other Betazoids, you have to imagine that there's more of a groupmind mentality there that she wouldn't be able to participate in. If you read ''Imzadi'' you can see the parallels between Deanna's childhood and old Southern families. Lwaxana is clearly some form of "old money"/pseudo nobility. Deanna's decision to join Starfleet came relatively late in her youth (remember that she met Will when she was a student in a non-Starfleet school), so she was probably trained by Lwaxana to take her place in said nobility. But was Deanna happy in that life? When did she decide that her mother was easier to take in small doses? I could go on.

TROI: I love my work aboard the Enterprise.
LWAXANA: Yes, of course you do, but its all business and no play. You've got to enjoy life, relax, like I do. Find yourself the right man, think of your future.

I don't think Deanna ever had a problem with work/life balance. It's awkward that Lwaxana feels that having a family is an absolute essential for everyone.

FAREK: To read our competitors' minds? Yes, that would be valuable. But she'd never agree to use her powers to help us.
TOG: I'm not so sure.

I am. While the show never goes into it, Betazoids are pretty noticeable by their eyes. You have to be a quarter Betazoid or less to slip under the radar, and I expect that at that point your powers would be weak enough that you wouldn't be of much use to Ferengi. Besides, I imagine most crooks have telepath detectors by now. Not necessarily the Ferengi themselves, but I'd imagine the Orion Syndicate would have made that a priority.

LWAXANA: Can you imagine that dreadful little creature talking to me like that? Doesn't he realise that I am a daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed. Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?
TROI: The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is an old clay pot with mold growing inside it.

The Sacred Chalice of Rixx and the Holy Rings of Betazed were destroyed in the Dominion invasion of Betazed, FYI. It's also mentioned in the novels that Lwaxana is the only one who really cares about these relics.

LWAXANA: What about a family?
TROI: This is my family. My friends here on the Enterprise.
LWAXANA: All right. In case I have to spell it out for you, I'm talking about finding a husband, having a child. That's what made me happy.

I have to side with Lwaxana on this one, at least in one way. Familial and friendly relationships are very different from each other. On the other hand, there are people who are happy without a family and others who are miserable with one.

Then again, I do wonder why Deanna keeps thinking that a family is something to get around to later. This is still the peaceful period of the Federation and she serves on a family-friendly ship. I can't help but wonder why she couldn't resign her commission, marry Will and serve as a civilian counselor. She wouldn't be a senior officer anymore, but I'm sure Picard would still call on her from time to time.

(There's a whole rant I could go off on on the necessity of a ship's counselor having senior officer status anyway, but that's for another day).

LWAXANA: You had your chance with Commander Riker. Look how you ruined that.
TROI: I did not ruin anything. We've became very good friends.
LWAXANA: Well, all the better. You certainly wouldn't want to marry an enemy.

Readers of Imzadi will know how much Lwaxana hated Riker during his posting on Betazed, but I suppose things are different now. I do wish there could've been one conversation between Lwaxana and Will about this.

LWAXANA: Darling, you have been so excitable lately. Have you ever thought of a leave of absence? I could talk to Jean-Luc.

Meaningless aside, but let me shill the website askamanager.org at this point. They have lots of funny stories about everything related to jobs. A common no-no is having your parents participate in your career. It would not look good on Deanna's record to have a mother-ordered leave of absence.

Then again, Deanna must have a counselling staff to handle a thousand people.

RIKER: From the smell of things, I'd say we're aboard a Ferengi vessel.

This actually isn't so weird. We know that Riker is a connoisseur of alien food. I've no doubt that tubegrubs have a distinctive smell.

Another interesting question is whether or not this is the first time Starfleet officers have been aboard a Ferengi vessel.

TROI: Why have you removed our clothing?
FAREK: Females do not deserve the honour of clothing.

Another loaded question. The Ferengi culture is still being put together at this point. They are sexist, but I do wonder about the use of the word "honor." I'd think "privilege" or "right" would fit better.

As an aside, the misogyny of the Ferengi doesn't make much sense to me. Most of the arguments for making women a lesser gender don't apply. And the amount of effort that would have to be spent maintaining second-class status for them would seem counterproductive to their main goal of earning money.

TOG: Hear me out. Your telepathic powers could bring us both great profit.

Lwaxana is already as rich as she could ever want. Plus the Rules of Acquisition clearly states that females and finances don't mix. Yeah, yeah, the ROA don't exist yet, but still...

TOG: And now, Lwaxana Troi, let us talk.
(He presses a button and a bed slides out from the wall)

Let me just say yuck. I'll skip the rant on attempted rape, coercion, prostitution, etc.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: Not to worry, you will. And when you return, we'll be gaining the best ensign in the fleet.
DATA: There is no guarantee that Wesley will be reassigned to the Enterprise. Ninety one per cent of Starfleet graduates are not posted to Galaxy class starships on their first assignment.
WESLEY: I never thought of that.

This is a whole 'nother discussion. Does Wesley want to join Starfleet, or does he want to serve on the Enterprise? Look, everyone wants to serve on the flagship, but there are postings all over that need to be filled. Is there a minimum GPA required to get posted to the Enterprise? The guys in "Lower Decks" hardly seemed like the best and the brightest. They seemed quite average, in fact.

WESLEY: I always assumed I'd be coming back to the Enterprise.
LAFORGE: I'm sure Captain Picard will request you. That is, if he's still commanding the Enterprise when you graduate.
WESLEY: I never thought of that, either. I never thought I'd feel this way about leaving you guys and the Enterprise.

Okay, the five-year mission system died a hundred years ago, but is anyone itching to kick Picard upstairs? I kinda feel that the flagship is the highest posting a captain can have. Remember that in the extended-lifespan era of the 24th century Picard isn't that old.

LWAXANA: And that was my first husband. Not much of a conversationalist, but what a lover. Well, then I met Zarn.

So Ian wasn't her first husband, the one that Grax mentioned? He was at least Lwaxana's third husband? We knew that Lwaxana was a serial monogamist, but this is getting ridiculous. Let's just presume that Lwaxana is making this all up and move on...

TROI: I think I know what she's doing. You have to fight to get her back, Captain.

What's Picard's greatest nightmare? Not the Borg, not Q, it's having to claim that he loves Lwaxana.

PICARD: In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, for they in thee a thousand errors see. But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, who in despite of view are please'd to dote. Shall I compare the to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Let's just drop a link to the Picard Song here and move on...

LWAXANA [on viewscreen]: And you can't keep killing all my lovers. That simply has to stop.
TOG [on viewscreen]: Killing?
LWAXANA [on viewscreen]: Oh, he's insanely jealous.

What an idiot. Like Starfleet would let a serial killer be captain of the Enterprise. That's what Voyager is for! (P.S. I'm not sure how much of that one is a joke!)

PICARD: When I have plucked the rose, I cannot give it vital growth again. It needs must wither. Nine, eight. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
(Tennyson, In Memoriam, 27)

You know, I wonder how Tennyson would sound in French, or Ferengi for that matter. Is the Universal Translator programmed to handle dialects from five hundred years ago?

PICARD: The Academy must make you wait, that's true. But, when I review your service to this ship, your crewmates, I cannot in all conscience make you wait for the Academy. You see, Wesley, in my eyes you're an acting ensign in title only. I hereby grant you field promotion to full Ensign, with all the commensurate responsibilities and privileges of that rank. Congratulations. You're dismissed.

Oh boy, is there a rant I could make here on this topic! Be glad that I'm sparing all of us by moving on...

Memory Alpha

* First use of "cochrane" as a unit of subspace distortion. Remember that it takes one cochrane to achieve Warp One.
* In Insurrection Deanna claims to have never kissed a bearded Riker. Putting aside Tom, she does kiss a bearded Riker in this episode.
* First mention of "oo-mox."
* Here it's firmly established that Betazoids can't use telepathy on Ferengi. Of course Deanna could do it back in "The Last Outpost."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also mentions the Betazoid/Ferengi inconsistency.
* In "Coming of Age" Mordock gets into Starfleet Academy without oral exams. I'll chalk this up to differences between species.
* In this episode Wesley's commbadge is all silver instead of gold/silver. Prop mixup or a subtle indication that Wesley is being "demoted" to civilian guest for purposes of his exams?
* At this point in the show only the senior officers have the two-piece uniform, so why does Wesley get one?

[Nate the Great]

June 4th, 1990, "Transfigurations"

No fiver

The Episode

LAFORGE: Don't stare.
WORF: Why not?
LAFORGE: Because she'll see.
WORF: Good. You must let her see the fire in your eyes.

I get Worf's metaphor, and this would work great if he was giving advice to Wesley, but this is Geordi we're talking about. Even without the VISOR his eyes are blanks!

WORF: Words come later. It is the scent that first speaks of love.

Y'know, if Klingons actually emitted pheromones it would explain SO much...

CRUSHER: He's not stable enough for transport. There's damage to his brain stem, autonomic functions are failing.

This "not stable enough for transport" thing occurs elsewhere, and I'm always confused. The transporter scans everything at once within a fraction of a second, right? It's not like the major organs are beamed out first leaving the body to manage with backup systems for a fraction of a second, are they?

For that matter, this bit of technobabble doesn't need to happen to get the energy to Geordi. It opens plotholes unnecessarily, it takes up valuable runtime, etc.

WORF: Sensors show trace elements in the debris that would indicate phaser fire was recently exchanged.

Trace elements? Phaser fire induces elemental change in metals? Just say "residual energy signatures"!

DATA: It will take time, sir. Downloading this into our system will require fabrication of a matrix translator to emulate the alien's computer system.

A matrix translator? I hate technobabble that serves no function. "It will take time to modify our equipment to interface with this device" is more than enough!

CRUSHER: What happened to you?
O'BRIEN: I was kayaking in the holodeck again.
CRUSHER: You dislocated your shoulder.

So this perennial DS9 gag goes as far back as TNG Season 3, wow. He hasn't even been given the name "Miles" yet!

LAFORGE: Data, I was thinking about the storage capsule last night and I was wondering, what if we've been going about this thing the wrong way? We've been trying to analyse its mechanical properties. What if it is a biochemical storage medium?
DATA: Are you suggesting that it employs memory RNA like an organic cell?
LAFORGE: Well, it does contain quantities of nucleic acids.
DATA: Perhaps the information sequences are encoded in the molecular patterns themselves.

Either it's a precursor to bioneural circuitry or it's an atomic computer, it can't be both.

JOHN: This ship is astounding. It seems to stretch on without end.

I read somewhere that it takes a whole eight-hour shift to walk every corridor on the 1701. The 1701 had length of 947 feet. E-D has a length of 2100 feet. Scaling volume by length only means a rough estimate of total walk time over ten times longer. That's close enough to "endless" for me!

LAFORGE: Okay, let's realign the magnetic inducer on the starboard nacelle.

Of all the meaningless technobabble I've ever seen that you can't even TRY to connect to established Treknology, this one is up there. If it was even a phase inducer I could postulate!

JOHN: That is what you and the other leaders have maintained for generations, but it is not true. Captain, my species is on the verge of a wondrous evolutionary change. A transmutation beyond our physical being. I am the first of my kind to approach this metamorphosis. They tried to convince us it was a sickness we would never survive, that the pain and energy pulses would kill us. They claimed we were dangerous so they destroyed anyone who exhibited the signs of the transfiguration.

I hate it when they imply that individuals can evolve.

Afterward

This is an episode that I don't revisit. On the whole I hate the "Beverly falls in love" episodes. I also hate romance plots involving amnesiatics and reverse Stockholm Syndrome plots.

This plot isn't coherent enough to run this long. Furthermore, it feels like there should be a counterpoint subplot. However it sounds, I think that this thing would've fit better as an episode of TAS than TNG!

Having Worf as a romance teacher is a premise that might work if it was better developed, but not with Geordi. I think they really overdid the "Geordi is a loser with women" thing. Maybe he did need Sonya Gomez around to keep him on his toes. Not as a romantic partner, but as a friend who wants him to be happy.

Memory Alpha

* Christy Henshaw's opinion of Geordi has certainly gone up since "Booby Trap." Of course, it has been nine months, so who knows what happened offscreen during the interim.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Whenever humans get superpowers their crewmates tend to distrust them, but they're sympathetic to John. There's a whole essay to be had on this topic.
* Once again a number smaller than the away team is given to O'Brien to be beamed up, and Miles knows exactly who to beam. I'd chalk this up to O'Brien having a diagram of the active commbadges/life signs at the location and knows to beam the X people closest to the commbadge that is transmitting.
* The teaser makes it seem like Geordi has never asked Christie out before, but he totally screwed up a date with her in "Booby Trap"!
* The medical readout is inconsistent from other episodes. I consider this one a little extreme. The readouts are undoubtedly reconfigurable for different species and conditions. Maybe Beverly tinkers with the settings trying to get a better experience.
* There are inconsistencies about what the name of Shuttle 5 is between episodes. I'd think something this simple could be made consistent, but I guess not.

[Nate the Great]

June 18th, 1990, "The Best of Both Worlds Part I"

Fiver (by Zeke)

The Episode

RIKER: It's our poker night, Admiral. There's always an open seat for you.

I get the narrative device of using the poker night to proceed the Riker/Shelby relationship, but this does seem like an odd time. This is not a time for business as usual, this is a time to prepare for the end of the world!

HANSON: You may want to tell him that. We're still waiting on his decision. This is the third time we've pulled out the captain's chair for Riker. He just won't sit down. Let me tell you something, Jean-Luc. There are a lot of young hotshots like Shelby on their way up. Riker could suddenly look like he's standing still next to them. He's hurting his career by staying put. If I were you, I'd kick him in the rear end for his own good.

Again, I get the narrative device, but again, this isn't the time! Order Riker to take a battlefield commission if nothing else!

SHELBY: I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but we've tested the sections of the Enterprise's hull that were damaged by the Borg. There were some unusual magnetic resonance traces.
RIKER: A Borg footprint?
SHELBY: That's my theory.

This magnetic resonance trace thing is reused in Star Trek: Borg, taking place at this same time. Which seems weird, is now the time to be experimenting with a theory? It isn't mentioned in later Borg appearances, presumably the Borg learned about it from Picard and adapted.

RIKER: I've already assigned them to the away team. And I'll be with you as well, Commander.
SHELBY: Of course. I appreciate any assistance you can offer.

A serious misstep on Shelby's part. She may have honorary senior officer status for this mission, but she doesn't have the right to assign away teams.

DATA: Early bird? I believe Commander Shelby erred. There is no evidence of avifaunal or crawling vermicular lifeforms on Jouret Four.
LAFORGE: That's not what she meant, Data, but you're right. She erred.

There are days that I hate Data's lack of a built-in vernacular dictionary, and this is one of them. Geordi's remark is great, though.

RIKER: So without any regard to the risk of coming down alone
SHELBY: Really, Commander, if we ran into the Borg here, two extra bodies wouldn't've made a hell of a difference, now would they?

Admiral Hanson was certainly ACTING like you made a difference!

RIKER: Well, I think she needs supervision. She takes the initiative a little too easily. Sometimes with risks.
PICARD: Sounds a little like a young lieutenant commander I once recruited as a first officer.
RIKER: Perhaps.

Again, I get the parallel intended, but the Riker of Season One was never this reckless and, let's face it, rude.

Changing the topic, I could've sworn that Riker was already a commander and could've been captain of the Drake if he wanted before joining the Enterprise.

PICARD: She's a fine ship, Will.
RIKER: Yes, but she's not the Enterprise.

I get it that a lot of people consider the Enterprise the end goal, I really do. But Starfleet careers don't work that way. Something that confuses me is that the Melbourne is Excelsior-class, out of date. Of course it's hard to have two Galaxy-classes on screen at once, but what about the Nebula class?

RIKER: The Captain says Shelby reminds him of the way I used to be. And he's right. She comes in here full of drive and ambition. Impatient, taking risks. I look at her and I wonder whatever happened to those things in me? I liked those things about me. I've lost something.

When was he impatient or taking risks in Season One?

SHELBY: Projections suggest that a Borg ship like this one could continue to function effectively even if seventy eight percent of it was inoperable.

I'd love to hear her definition of "effectively". I wonder if the idea of each cube being made of smaller cubes had occurred to the creators yet.

SHELBY: I think we should look at modifying the plasma phaser design.

Plasma phasers? I presume this means making the beams a bit more solid for more punch. That sounds like it would require replacing the phaser emitters, not possible in the time allowed.

PICARD: Mister Data, how long would it take to get there at warp nine?
DATA: One hour, seventeen minutes, sir.
PICARD: Make it so.
HANSON [on monitor]: We're coming with every available starship to assist, Captain, but the closest help is six days away.
PICARD: We'll try and keep them occupied until you arrive.

The ships are that far apart? I'd think the fleet would've been gathering at this point just in case by now.

LAFORGE: At the same time, we'll be retuning phasers to higher EM base emitting frequencies to try to disrupt their subspace field.

Retuning phasers to a higher EM band also occurs in Star Trek: Borg. At least this time it's Q doing it, and he has future knowledge.

WESLEY: The main deflector dish.
LAFORGE: It's the only component of the Enterprise designed to channel that much power at controlled frequencies.

You have to wonder why this is. Don't tell me that Leah Brahms could see the future...

SHELBY: There is one other recommendation I'd like to make, Commander. Separate the saucer section. Assign a skeleton crew to create a diversion
RIKER: We may need the power from the saucer impulse engines.
SHELBY: But it would give them more than one target to worry about.

This idea never made sense. The saucer isn't nearly as maneuverable as the stardrive section. Plus I jolly well expect a cybernetic race directly connected to their ship to lock the sensors on two targets at once. The U.S.S. Prometheus is a different matter entirely, it's specifically designed to coordinate in Multivector Assault Mode.

SHELBY: May I speak frankly, sir?
RIKER: By all means.
SHELBY: You're in my way.
RIKER: Really? How terrible for you.
SHELBY: All you know how to do is play it safe. I suppose that's why someone like you sits in the shadow of a great man for as long as you have, passing up one command after another. Proceed to deck eight.
RIKER: When it comes to this ship and this crew, you're damned right I play it safe.
SHELBY: If you can't make the big decisions, Commander, I suggest you make room for someone who can.

Ugh. I get the characterization, I get Riker's character arc, I really do, but again, NOW IS NOT THE TIME!

PICARD: Something of a tradition, Guinan. The Captain touring the ship before a battle.
GUINAN: Before a hopeless battle, if I remember the tradition correctly.
PICARD: Not necessarily. Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trafalgar.
GUINAN: Yes, but Nelson never returned from Trafalgar, did he?
PICARD: No, but the battle was won.

A nice bit of foreshadowing, although I do wonder about how Guinan knows about Trafalgar (1805 during the Napoleonic Wars, FYI). Was she on Earth for the entire 19th century?

[Nate the Great]

GUINAN: This isn't the end.
PICARD: You say that with remarkable assuredness.
GUINAN: With experience. When the Borg destroyed my world, my people scattered throughout the universe. We survived. As will humanity survive. As long as there's a handful of you to keep the spirit alive, you will prevail. Even if it takes a millennium.

A good speech.

RIKER: They're some kind of magnetometric guided charges.

Magnetometric just means related to measuring the strength and direction of magnetic fields. I hope that starships are magnetically neutral. Maybe it's the nebula that they're in (let me link to the Blueprints and Particle recreation of the Battle of the Mutara Nebula again).

LAFORGE: Recommend we adjust shield harmonics to favour the upper EM band when you proceed.
PICARD [OC]: Acknowledged.

Uh, Geordi, YOU'RE using the upper EM band, not the Borg, remember?

BORG: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.

You gotta wonder how assimilation really improves the Borg race.

BORG: Your archaic cultures are authority driven. To facilitate our introduction into your societies, it has been decided that a human voice will speak for us in all communications. You have been chosen to be that voice.

Is there a culture that ISN'T authority driven? Why would the Borg care about "introduction" into Federation society? I thought at this point all drones were test tube babies and assimilation was invented here to provide the mouthpiece! You'd think they could harvest the Earth's resources without a mouthpiece.

I have to separate what we'll learn about the Borg later from what we know about them NOW, watching in 1990.

RIKER: I strongly recommend redeploying all available defences to protect sector zero zero one, Admiral.
HANSON [on monitor]: We're moving to intercept at Wolf three five nine. We'll make our stand there.

Wolf 359 is a real system. It's 7.9 light years from Earth. A bit too close for comfort, if you ask me.

SHELBY [OC]: We've found the Captain's uniform and his communicator. We're resuming our search.

You'd think they would've been recycled by now, I can't imagine the Borg storing things for later.

DATA: We were unable to retrieve him, sir. Sir, The Captain has been altered by the Borg.
RIKER: Altered?
WORF: He is a Borg.

In the video game they're already using the word "assimilated." It really makes a mess of canon.

The Fiver

Admiral Hansen: How are you, old friend?
Picard: A little perplexed. When did I become old friends with every admiral in Starfleet?
Hansen: When you got command of the flagship. We all want a piece of that.

Picard is already a few years into his avoidance of the Admiral's Banquet at this point, but there are other opportunities for admirals to meet him, of course. You also have to consider that Picard is probably the last of his generation to remain a starship captain. Did the Stargazer disaster derail his career that much?

Commander Shelby: Hi. Can I have your job?
Riker: No. Will you sleep with me?
Shelby: No.
Riker: We seem to have reached an impasse.

I thought this one was funny from the first time I read the fiver all those years ago. However, Riker and Shelby would've NEVER worked as a couple. A subplot in the Voyager novel Mosaic concerned Janeway avoiding Riker for years, but I don't think that relationship would've worked either.

O'Brien: She and Data are down there already. Now my idea is to beam you into her uniform, her into Geordi's, Geordi into --
Riker: I don't think so.
O'Brien: Spoil all my fun, why don't you.

Now that would be tricky transporter work. I wonder if Scotty could've managed it....

Picard: Nonsense! The Melbourne is a fine ship -- I'm sure it'll die very well with you as its captain.
Riker: Give it up and tell me the real reason.
Picard: If you leave, I think I'll have a chance with Troi.

Um, ew.

Borg: Your distinctiveness will be added to our own.
Picard: Was that a marriage proposal?
Borg: What? No, you idi--
Picard: Mr. Worf, dispatch a subspace message to Admiral Hansen. Tell him... we have been engaged to the Borg.

That pun is just painful.

Guinan: Pre-battle jitters, eh?
Picard: Yeah. You know, this could be the end of civilization. No more Earl Grey, no more Twinkies....
Guinan: That would suck. Maybe I should use my Q powers to save us.
Picard: You have Q powers?
Guinan: Shhh! You're endangering my secret identity.

Guinan's powers are very different from a Q, this doesn't really work.

Picard: All right already! What do you want?
Borg: To make you one of us. We were kind of hoping you'd volunteer....
Picard: Ha! What kind of insane captain would do that?

Isn't it nice how "insane captain" always means Janeway?

Memory Alpha

* We know that the second part wasn't written when this one was. I don't like that. At least they could've had two scripts ready, the Picard lives version and the Picard dies version.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil says that Shelby should be more worried about being assimilated than her career. Oops, she doesn't know about assimilation yet! They should all be worried about being killed, not assimilation at this point.
* There's confusion about Locutus being given a name when other drones don't. I don't, the point is that the Borg are using the mouthpiece model this time, and mouthpieces generally have names. Why wouldn't they use the Latin word for "one who speaks", presumably taken from Picard's mind?
* First confirmation that Earth is the center of the Federation. Phil apparently doesn't know about Earth as a founding member yet, he thinks Earth joined at a later time.

[Nate the Great]

September 24th, 1990, "The Best of Both Worlds Part Two"

The Episode

RIKER: As we anticipated, the blast burned out our main navigational deflector. We also have damage to our shields and our reactor core.
LAFORGE: We should be back up in eight to twelve hours, Admiral.

The saucer has its own deflector, but I imagine that it's not powerful enough to protect the entire ship OR be active at warp.

HANSON [on monitor]: Your engagements have given us valuable time. We've mobilised a fleet of forty starships at Wolf three five nine, and that's just for starters.

Only forty ships. Following the Dominion War that comes off as positively adorable.

HANSON [on monitor]: Lieutenant a few years ago, I watched a freshman cadet pass four upper classman on the last hill of the forty kilometre run on Danula Two. The damndest thing I ever saw. The only freshman to ever win the Academy marathon.

Picard will reference his running in "The First Duty", but I still don't think that he has the physique required for champion marathoner.

RIKER: Mister Crusher suggests we might design a chip that would automatically retune the phasers to a random setting after each discharge. Engineering.
WORF: That would be a great advantage.

You'd think Shelby would've started on that months ago. I also think that Data should be able to invent such a chip in a matter of hours.

SHELBY: What about the heavy graviton beam we were talking about?
LAFORGE: I've gone over it four times. The local field distortion just wouldn't be strong enough to incapacitate them.

I'll buy that drones can handle higher g-forces than humans, but they'd eventually succumb. That's the problem with cyborgs: their organic components will always be obvious weak points.

DATA: Doctor Crusher and I have been working on an interesting premise.
CRUSHER: With our recent experience in nanotechnology, we might be able to introduce a destructive breed of nanites into the Borg.

The most obvious use for such nanites would be to disrupt the connection between the flesh and the machinery.

RIKER: I'm sure Captain Picard would have something meaningful and inspirational to say right now. To tell you the truth, I wish he were here, because I'd like to hear it too.

A nine moment.

GUINAN: I've heard a lot of people talking down in Ten Forward. They expect to be dead in the next day or so. They trust you. They like you. But they don't believe anyone can save them.
RIKER: I'm not sure anyone can.
GUINAN: When a man is convinced he's going to die tomorrow, he'll probably find a way to make it happen.

A good point, if a bit macabre.

GUINAN: Did he ever tell you why we're so close?
RIKER: No.
GUINAN: Well, then let me just our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family. And I will let him go.

"You wouldn't believe the real story anyway. He was in an awful Indiana Jones cosplay and was fighting interphasic aliens while I argued with Mark Twain."

I'll have plenty to say about Time's Arrow when we get to it next year. I still don't quite understand the beyond friendship, beyond family part. That smacks of soulmates, which is a little icky.

SHELBY: The Tolstoy, the Kyushu, the Melbourne.

The Tolstoy was Rigel-class. We have no clue what they look like. One of the books says it had six decks and a crew of 65.

The Kyshu was New Orleans class, a kitbash of Galaxy class parts.

What's weird about the Melbourne is that there were two ships of that name at Wolf 359, one Excelsior class and one Nebula class. They weren't meant to be in service at the same time, but the Excelsior class was ordered back into service for the battle. The Nebula class was the one offered to Riker.

RIKER: Then trust me now. Meet to discuss terms.
PICARD [on viewscreen]: Discussion is irrelevant. There are no terms. You will disarm all your weapons and escort us to Sector zero zero one where we will begin assimilating your culture and technology.

Those sure sound like terms to me. Assimilate their culture? Is assimilation a one-off or commonplace at this time?

RIKER: We would like time to prepare our people for assimilation.
PICARD [on viewscreen]: Preparation is irrelevant.

Okay, we don't have autoassimilation nanoprobes yet, it's microsurgery. I'm not sure how you "prepare" for that.

SHELBY: Acknowledged. Fire antimatter spread.

How they can spit out antimatter from the saucer is beyond me. The number of antimatter pods in the saucer itself is quite minimal as well. Why the saucer has any antimatter outside of torpedoes is beyond me.

CRUSHER: There is extensive infiltration of microcircuit fibers into the surrounding tissue. His DNA is being rewritten.

I'm okay with microcircuit fibers, but rewritting DNA is just weird.

PICARD:: A futile manoeuvre. Incorrect strategy, Number One. To risk your ship and crew to retrieve only one man. Picard would never have approved.

No, he wouldn't've.

PICARD: Worf. Klingon species. A warrior race. You too will be assimilated.
WORF: The Klingon Empire will never yield.
PICARD: Why do you resist? We only wish to raise quality of life for all species.

Quality of life? How can he say that with a straight face?

DATA: Mister O'Brien is ready to process the Borg signal through the transport pattern buffer.

We'll cover why O'Brien is here instead of LaForge in the Memory Alpha part, but this is just silly. Borg communications are along a unique subspace domain, and transporter signals don't.

RIKER: Mister Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. You heard me. A collision course.
WESLEY: Yes, sir.
RIKER: Mister La Forge, prepare to go to warp power.
LAFORGE [OC]: Aye, sir.

Once you go to warp you're in subspace, you can't collide with ships still in normal space. What should be happening is Riker ordering a preparation for maximum possible impulse, a speed that will damage the ship and introduce time dilation. After all, "full impulse=quarter life speed" exists as a compromise between time dilation and speed, there's no particular reason why higher sublight speeds woudn't be possible, even if they damage the engines more.

DATA: I am attempting to penetrate the Borg regenerative subcommand path. It is a low priority system and may be accessible.

This seems like an odd choice for a low priority system. A Borg ship must have an important balance between active and regenerating drones. We're going to have to assume that this is just a sign that the Borg don't have sufficient imagination to foresee this.

Oh, and once again Data saves the Federation. I'll be Bruce Maddox will be thrilled to learn that he almost caused the destruction of the human race.

TROI: How do you feel?
PICARD: Almost human. With just a bit of a headache.

He's remarkably calm for someone who is half machine. I get upset when I have one needle in my arm for an IV, hundreds of them would have me screaming nonstop!

RIKER: Earth Station McKinley has advised they're ready to begin refitting the Enterprise.
PICARD: Have they estimated time for repairs?
RIKER: Five or six weeks.

I wonder if the E-D is more damaged than the original Enterprise after Khan. I can just hear Scotty say "but you don't have five or six weeks, so I'll have it done for you in two."

PICARD: Permission granted. They've picked a fine officer for the task force, Commander.
SHELBY: We'll have the fleet back up in less than a year.

Extremely doubtful. I expect that the fleet was at pre-Wolf 359 levels just in time for the Dominion War. And aren't we still at war with the Cardassians?

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Wesley: The Borg have gone to Warp Sweet Mother Of Mercy That's Fast.

I wonder if Cochrane designated it that.

Borg: Boss? We have no "boss"! We're a collective consciousness -- do we have to spell it for you?
Picard: Well, I just thought that, what with the whole hive metaphor, you might have a queen or something....
Borg: My God, you just keep digging the hole deeper!
Picard: All right, I'm sorry. Let's just drop it.
Borg: "Queen." I can't believe you humans.

I hate the implication that the Borg Queen was always there. Of course, I hate the whole idea of the Borg Queen in general...

Shelby: Oh NO! Do you see what I see, sir?
Riker: You mean the scattered debris of the fleet?
Shelby: Oh, most of that's not such a big deal, but look! They blew up Sisko's ship!
Riker: Ohhhhhhhh shoot. That's gonna bite us in the rear one of these days.

Yes it did!

Crusher: Jean-Luc? Are you in there?
Locutus: Foolish human. Picard no longer exists.

I'm not even a Ghostbusters fan and even I can see the obvious "There is no more Picard, there is only Locutus" joke.

Riker: No, that's okay. Let's just blow up that giant Microsoft metaphor and be done with it.
Wesley: Microsoft? I always thought they were a metaphor for the Japanese. You know, kamikaze missions, cramped spaces....
Troi: You're both reading it completely wrong! They're the Americans, spreading their melting-pot philosophy through overwhelming force.
Riker: I don't care if they represent caterpillars, just self-destruct them!

I've learned enough about the Japanese that I'd vote for them.

Riker: Well, that was good clean fun for everyone. Are you sure you can't stay, Commander Shelby?
Shelby: I just don't think TV's right for me. I'm thinking maybe something in novel form.

The Shelby of New Frontier never really felt like this Shelby. Just my two cents.

Nitpicker's Guide

* If the Borg can go way faster than the Enterprise, how did the Enterprise keep up here. And heavily damaged, no less?
* Once again the Battle Bridge set has changed. I don't have such a problem with this, as if the ship is separated you can assume that the Battle Bridge module would also be swappable.
* Phil has many problems with Riker's status at the end of the episode. I can see his point, but the real-world implications of Frakes leaving the show would have to be considered.
* The door to the bridge bathroom is used twice by mixed couples. Oops.

[Nate the Great]

October 1st, 1990, "Family"

No fiver

The Episode

Captain's Log: Stardate 44012.3 The Enterprise remains docked at McKinley Station, undergoing a major overhaul and refit following the Borg incident. I am confident that the ship and her crew will soon be ready to return to service.

BOBW Part II is Stardate 44001.4. It's been four days. Oops.

WORF: No, sir. It is inappropriate for a Klingon to receive family while on duty. As humans, my parents do not understand.
RIKER: Well, I'm not sure that I would either, Worf, since this isn't a Klingon ship.

I can get why Klingons would want to avoid familial distractions while on duty, but I'd hope that they can differentiate between "battle can happen at any moment" mode and "things will be quiet for awhile" mode.

PICARD: Labarre. My home village.
TROI: Really?
PICARD: Yes. It's the first time in almost twenty years.

This is confusing. We're definitely given the impression that he's never met Robert's wife or son, but that doesn't necessitate twenty years. If anything I got the impression that he hasn't been back since he left to join Starfleet, and that sure ain't "almost twenty years".

TROI: I just find it interesting. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the man who couldn't be pried out of his seat for a vacation for three years.

"Captain's Holiday" was 43745.2, three and a half months ago. Oops. Is she talking about the span between that episode and the launching of the E-D? Furthermore, we'll see Picard go off on amateur archeology digs a number of times in the future. I'm just saying that unlike Kirk I never saw Picard as anti-vacation.

PICARD: If you wish to believe that my going home is a direct result of being held captive by the Borg, be my guest.
TROI: Is that what you believe?
PICARD: I hate it when you do that.

So do I. I always hate it when fictional psychologists respond to everything with "how do you feel about that?" Grrrr....

TROI: Captain, you do need time. You cannot achieve complete recovery so quickly.

Yeah, four days is ridiculously fast. Incidentally Sisko still wasn't quite himself three months after Jadzia's death. I'm not going to discuss which trauma is worse, that's a beartrap I don't care to step into.

FEMALE [OC]: Enterprise, this is Earth Station Bobruisk. Two to transport aboard.

Bobruisk is in eastern Belarus. Whether or not you can be from there and call yourself "Russian" is another beartrap. I'll chalk this up as Bobruisk being a transport hub and the Roshenkos used lower power transporters to get there.

SERGEY: Always good to meet another Chief Petty Officer. Sergey Rozhenko, formerly of the USS Intrepid.

Nice continuity nod. The Intrepid was mentioned in Sins of the Father. We don't know for certain that the Intrepid was Excelsior class, but it seems likely since Sergey will mention later that he served on them.

Meaningless aside, but I hate how it seems that recycling of registry numbers is so inconsistent. There was a NCC-1631 Intrepid back in the TOS days, so why can't the current one be the -D or something? Was the Enteprise the only name that gets to keep it's original 17xx series number?

SERGEY: Don't call me sir. I used to work for a living.

Cute line, but even noncomms have ranks within them that I imagine would require the use of "sir" among them.

SERGEY: Can you imagine an old enlisted man like me raising a boy to be an officer?

I'm reminded of General Martok.

SERGEY: Yes, I want to see everything. The whole ship. At home I have all the specs and diagrams of the Galaxy-class starships.

We're given every indication that Sergey has retired, how does he have access to the specs? This is the sort of thing that I'd think you'd need to be a current officer to see, isn't it?

PICARD: Oh, good lord, a highwayman.
RENE: A what?
PICARD: A highwayman. It's a robber who attacks travellers, but none have been reported in this vicinity for centuries.

Never mind, we all know that highwaymen all look like Hugh Grant anyway. That may be the most obscure joke I've ever made.

RENE: Why have you been away so long?
PICARD: Well, Starfleet keeps me very busy.
RENE: Father says you don't like it here.
PICARD: I'm sure you misunderstood.
RENE: No, I didn't. He said so.

I'm sure it wasn't so much Picard not liking his home but rather an argument with his father that drove him off until both could cool down. Incidentally, I wonder how things were in the house during that year between Picard's first and second Academy application. Or did Picard study abroad elsewhere?

RENE: Mummy! He's here! Mummy, he's here!

Mummy? In France they say Maman, or Ma Mere if you want to be more formal. Rene seems too old for "mummy" anyway.

CRUSHER: So, you'll have a chance to visit the surface?
TROI: Maybe. Will and I have been talking about going back to Angel Falls.
CRUSHER: Oh, Venezuela's beautiful.

I've long been confused at this one. Will and Deanna's first relationship took place completely on Betazed, and it was only a few weeks at that. Unless you're telling me that in the last couple years they took their own vacation back to Earth. And that raises further questions.

TROI: How to Advance Your Career through Marriage?

We know that Beverly is a bit old-fashioned, but that just makes it more likely that she would have a small library of actual books on the Enterprise. Furthermore, if this case of odds and ends is all that Beverly kept on Earth, why didn't she bring it to the Enterprise in the first place? All I can think is that she left Starfleet Medical a year ago in a bit of a hurry to resume her Enterprise post.

CRUSHER: Jack recorded a holographic message to Wesley just after he was born. It was a gift for when he grew up. Jack was going to make many more of them. He never had the chance.

This seems weird. Wesley was born in 2348 and Jack died in 2353. In five years he only had the opportunity to record one message? The only thing I can think of is that holodecks were still few and far between at the time, so maybe he wasn't in proximity to a "holorecording studio".

SERGEY: Well, how about giving us a look at the new engine core. I used to be a warp field specialist on the old Excelsior class.

It stands to reason that the warp core had to be replaced after the Borg invasion, but that does make you wonder what Leah Brahms was going on about in "Galaxy's Child."

HELENA: Worf, why don't you show me the arboretum?

It occurs to me that a ship this big would have more than one arboretum, one for each major world. But whatever.

MARIE: The Mayor wants to give you a parade.
PICARD: A parade?
MARIE: Give you the keys to the city.
PICARD: No. No, no, no, no.

I was surprised to learn that this wasn't strictly an American tradition. Still seems a little silly for the 24th century, but whatever.

PICARD: Seriously, how do you plan to accelerate the buildup on the underside of the mantle without increasing the stress on the tectonic plates?
LOUIS: You really have kept up, haven't you? The truth is we don't know, yet.
PICARD: On the Enterprise, we used harmonic resonators to relieve the tectonic pressures on Drema Four.

Underside of the mantle? I think they mean that they want to thicken the crust at a given location to support the new continent. Drema Four is the planet from "Pen Pals", I don't think the situations are parallel.