30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Guinan: Doctor, it hurts when I do this.
Crusher: Then don't do that! Zing!

That joke is so old that it's positively creaky.

Crusher: I remember when I first met the crazy wide-eyed Ferengi scientist Dr. Reyga.
Reyga: Marty! You've got to come back to the future with me!
Crusher: Uh, no, more like --

Good thing 1985-A Biff wasn't around.

Reyga: I'm going to fly a ship directly into the sun!
Crusher: Won't your ship burn up?
Reyga: Nah, I'll go at night.

Ouch, the lameness of that one hurt.

Crusher: However, in a desperate grab for screentime, I decided to hold a conference on Dr. Reyga's ideas anyway. The first thing I made the attendees do was introduce themselves.
Kurak: I'm a Klingon engineer or scientist or something. Just think of me as Torres's Klingon half.

Not really. You're more like what Torres THOUGHT her Klingon half was before "Faces."

T'Pan: I'm the head of the Vulcan Science Academy and I'm only here to tell all of you that the Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that anything you plan to do is impossible.

Enterprise jokes don't cut much ice with me. I think it's because there aren't that many of them to be had, the plot and characters never had much depth.

Christopher: And I'm here to reverse the stereotype of Vulcan male/Human female.

Actually Vulcan man/human woman really only happened with Spock. In the broader Trek mythos it was usually the other way around. I'm most reminded of Daniel Corrigan and T'Mir from Jean Lorrah's TOS novels.

Reyga: My metaphasic shield will work! I just need your help developing the shield.
T'Pan: The Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that metaphasics is impossible.
Reyga: But I built a prototype!
T'Pan: The Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that prototypes are impossible.

This joke wasn't strong enough for repeat use. Or maybe I just hate Enterprise that much.

Jo'Bril: Please let me out of here! I'm going to DIE!
Reyga: He's talking, so he must still be okay.
Jo'Bril: GAK!
Reyga: What, he's dead? Why didn't he try to warn us?

I still think GAK should be reserved for real death and ACK be used for fake deaths.

Picard: Unfortunately, you can't do an autopsy. His family wants to bury him in one piece.
Crusher: One piece? I thought Ferengi chopped up their dead and sold them in little containers!
Picard: They plan to do that after they bury him. They said it was "paydirt."

That pun hurt.

Data: Sir, someone just launched a shuttle.
Picard: Data, you don't need to say "someone". We all know it's the Doctor. Hail her.
Data: O great and healing Doctor, wisdom is your name! We extol your --
Picard: That's not what I meant, Data.
Data: My bad. Firing hailstones at the shuttle....

Jokes that would never work with anyone else have a tendency to work with Data. He really is the perfect straight man...

Crusher: Hey, Guinan. Thanks for the stabbing earlier. It really helped me out.
Guinan: Oh, no worries. I like to do it to help people out, or when they make bad puns, or when they're Q.
Crusher: Well, I bought you a whole set of forks for the future. That way the forks will be with you always.
Guinan: You obviously weren't paying attention to what I just said.

Hehe...

Memory Alpha

* Final appearance of Guinan before Generations. She really never appeared in the seventh season? That's news to me.
* The disconnect with the DS9 version of Ferengi death rites is brought up, along with the idea that it was all skipped because Reyga wasn't a great businessman.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How did Jo'Brill get out of the morgue, find his clothes, sneak to the shuttlebay, and hide himself before Crusher got there?
* Phil also brings up Beverly's unresolved legal problems.