July 12

[Scooter]

Oi! Ace here, and you're looking at Day 3 of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Can I just say, you lot had better love these fivers. I've got my Nitro-9 handy and I'm not taking any guff! If I can beat up a Dalek with a baseball bat, you can just imagine what I can do to you if you get on my bad side.

Tonight's episodes show the Professor — I mean, Doctor — in his usual tricky brilliance:

• "Remembrance of the Daleks" not only kicked off Doctor Who's 25th anniversary season in 1988, but has to be the best retcon ever. The Professor and I go back to the very first episode and totally screw with it! Wicked. It was fived by That Tom Guy.
• "The Long Game" jumps past my time to the Ninth Doctor from the New Series. And I thought my Doctor was goony-looking. Anyway this episode was fived by Youth of Australia and apparently it's all about the Doctor facing off against a giant booger that hangs of the ceiling of some space station. Gross!

I'm supposed to tell you to come back Thursday and Friday for more New Series fivers, so I guess that's us from the Classic Series signing off for now. Those smug New Series wankers with their fancy graphics and all — they think they're so great. Give me a deodorant can full of explosives any day, that's what I say.