30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Well I'm really very sorry you didn't enjoy your time at the Academy, Ensign. As far as I'm concerned, you should have been expelled for what you did. Quite frankly, I don't know how you made it on board this ship. You're dismissed.

I know that Picard is testing Sito, but that last part is just ridiculous. Yes, there have been times when an officer has been forced onto the Enterprise, Ro comes to mind immediately, but Sito would not be one of those cases, and she should realize that.

TAURIK: The pattern of fire you have asked for is similar to what might result if the shuttle had fled an attacker while engaging in evasive manoeuvres.
LAFORGE: It's an amazing coincidence.
TAURIK: Yes, sir. It is indeed.

I understand the need to damage the shuttle in this way, it's the phaser rifle part that baffles me. The output from a phaser rifle would be MUCH less than that of a shipboard phaser. And anyone scanning this shuttle would be able to tell the difference. Couldn't they have mocked up a phaser turret with a larger beam?

LAVELLE: I wonder who was in it?
BEN: You know what I heard? It was Ambassador Spock.

What would Spock be doing in Cardassian space?

TROI: I don't know. It seems to me that you and Lavelle are a lot alike.
RIKER: What? We're not at all alike.

They really aren't. Riker was never afflicted by the self-doubt that Lavelle has. As far as I can tell their only similarity is confidence while playing poker.

OGAWA: You know, Sam, maybe you shouldn't try so hard with Riker. It doesn't matter whether he likes you as long as he respects you.

Exactly. You'd think there'd be an Academy course for that.

TROI: Didn't you tell me that you took up poker so you could be the officer's game at the Potemkin?
RIKER: I happen to like poker.
TROI: But your senior officers might have thought you were trying to ingratiate yourself. I guess it's lucky that they realised you were young and inexperienced, and decided not to hold it against you.

I'm not seeing the connection between "learning how to play poker" and "you automatically get the right to join the senior officer's game".

TAURIK: What I find curious is that when Commander La Forge saw that the technique I was using was actually more efficient, he seemed annoyed.
BEN: Of course he was.
LAVELLE: He didn't like the fact that you knew something he didn't.

No, I think Geordi was hoping that Taurik wouldn't ask any questions about this operation that he shouldn't know anything about. Frankly Taurik shouldn't have been anywhere near that shuttle, Data could've done the same job faster.

SITO: How am I supposed to defend myself when I can't see a thing?

Actually I'd think the Klingons would train blindfolded from time to time just to enhance their other senses. After all, will their enemy stop attacking just because you're blind?

SITO: If you didn't want me on your ship you should have said so when I was assigned to it. It's not your place to punish me for what I did at the Academy.

Exactly. Furthermore the idea that someone is irredeemable because of one mistake doesn't seem to fit the idealized Federation.

OGAWA: He asked me to marry him.
CRUSHER: Alyssa, that's wonderful! I'm so relieved. I mean happy.

This still seems a bit fast, especially since she'll get pregnant immediately. They should've implied a longer offscreen courtship.

JORET: I'm sick of war. My people need peace.

Too bad you won't get it thanks to Dukat and the Dominion.

RIKER: Try narrowing the scan field. See if you can pick up any biosigns.
LAVELLE: Sir, it would help if I knew what kind of life signs to look for.
RIKER: You're scanning for Bajoran lifesigns.

Is there some peculiarity of Bajoran lifesigns that would be easier to scan for?

WORF: I appreciate what you are trying to do, but it is not appropriate. You were her friends. I was only her commanding officer.
BEN: Sir, I happen to know that she considered you a friend.

Like I said earlier, it would've been nice to tie Worf into the lower decks characters' plot earlier. Perhaps he could've given Lavelle some advice about dealing with Riker, or something.

The Fiver

Troi: Outwit. Outspeak. Outlive.

Are there some missing first lines here. And is this supposed to be a Survivor reference?

Taurik: If I could have a word with you, I have a new plan that would increase our efficiency in engineering.
LaForge: Let's have a look.
Taurik: (hands Geordi a PADD). As you can see, if we can find ourselves a Klingon-human hybrid, and then give her pon far--
LaForge: Wait, wait. How will that increase efficiency in engineering?
Taurik: By increasing the efficiency of its best engineer, of course.

Hardy har har. It is a little icky, though.

Riker: Well I am from Alaska, I do know a little about Canada.
Lavelle: Alaska? Wow, I had a friend who went to Auburn University.

Auburn University is in Arkansas. I don't think Lavelle would make for a good contestant on Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego...

Picard: Ensign Sito, quite frankly I think you're irresponsible, an officer of disputed character, and I absolutely hate your hair!
Sito: With all due respect sir, so were you, so were you, and you're just jealous.

Except for the Borg stuff, when was Picard suspected of disputed character?

Lavelle: I'm worried, tell me everything you know that's classified.

I think a big misstep in the episode is Lavelle not having a secret like the other three.

Memory Alpha

* Barclay was considered for a role as one of the lower decks characters, but I don't think it would've worked. His age and social awkwardness would make him a bad fit with the youngsters.
* The creators wanted to bring Sito back in DS9, but I don't think it would've worked. What role would she have played on the station after being rescued? It would've made for great character developmente for Worf, but also would've required a lot of exposition to catch the DS9 viewers up.

Nitpicker's Guide

* An Air Force officer wrote in to Phil saying that an officer's immediate superior would be responsible for his evaluation, you wouldn't have the first officer covering the entire ship.
* "Lower Decks" is stated to be three years ago, but it was really less than two. Three years was required because Sito had to redo her junior year and then do her senior year.
* Phil questions how Crusher can create Cardassian blood when she couldn't do Romulan blood back in "The Enemy". I'll willingly chalk this up to iron based blood being easier than copper-based.
* Why isn't Sito wearing a Bajoran earring? I'd argue that she wasn't devout, but neither was Ro. Maybe Sito just didn't want to make waves insisting on her right to wear the earring, she thought that she was on thin ice as it was.

[Nate the Great]

February 14th, 1994, "Thine Own Self"

As a prelude, I agree with SF Debris that Troi's promotion should've been a subplot for multiple episodes, possibly triggered by the events of "Chain of Command" (which should've been three episodes, now that I think about it).

The Episode

TROI: I didn't expect to find anyone up except Data.

I won't repeat the entire "there should be an experienced staff on the bridge 24/7 because the Romulans won't be polite enough to attack during the day shift" screed again, but it still applies.

CRUSHER: Data's away on assignment. A Federation deep space probe went off course and crashed on Barkon Four. Some of the material in the casing was radioactive, so Data was sent to recover it before it could contaminate the biosphere.

I don't like the idea of one person away teams in general, but especially in cases where the mission is away from the ship. At the very least there should've been an ensign stationed in the shuttle waiting for Data to come back. Furthermore there have to be species (Horta? Gorn?) that would be immune to simple radiation to accompany him.

TROI: Fine. It was good to see some old friends. I'd lost touch with most of them.

I'm still confused about how anyone in the Federation could lose touch with anyone else. The computers seem to keep track of where everyone is unless you are explicitly a crackpot scientist who chooses to become lost. And it's not like there's such a thing as "long distance charges" in the future.

CRUSHER: I like to put in a little Bridge time now and then, stay on top of operations, tactical procedures. The truth is, I like it. It's not every doctor who gets to command a starship, even if it is the night shift.

This should've been established much earlier.

TROI: May I ask you a personal question? Why did you decide to become a Commander? I mean, you didn't need the rank in order to be Chief Medical Officer, so why put yourself through all the extra work?

This is used to explain Pulaski's lower rank. It does raise further questions about how there can be senior officers with ranks lower than Lieutenant Commander, but that's another screed.

CRUSHER: Oh, I don't know. I never even thought about my rank for a long time. It seemed pretty trivial compared to being a doctor. But then, about eight years ago, I started to feel like I wanted to stretch myself a little.

2362. We actually know nothing at all about Beverly's life between Jack's death and arriving on the E-D. If you go by the novels, however, in 2360 she helped Admiral Uhura on a Starfleet Intelligence mission. Perhaps she was made aware of greater capabilities within herself during this mission.

TROI: Is something wrong?
CRUSHER: No. I wanted to let Data know there'd be a delay in picking him up for a few of days. We have orders to rendezvous with the Lexington and take some medical supplies to the Taranko Colony.
TROI: But he's not responding.
CRUSHER: Geordi said that the radiation from the probe might interfere with communications. I just thought I'd try anyway.

And this is why you'd want an ensign in a shuttle in orbit. For that matter, you'd think they could zip over to Barkon IV, drop off the saucer section to look for him, then have the stardrive handle Taranko Colony.

(Riker is practising his trombone when Troi strolls in. He finishes the piece and then blows two notes)
TROI: Is that supposed to be a question?
(parp parp)
TROI: Because if you're asking me if I liked what you were playing, then the answer is yes.
(paarp parp)
TROI: You know, this is a much better way of communicating for you. It's far less confusing than the way you normally speak.
(parp!)

Always a great scene.

TROI: Do you remember when the Enterprise hit that quantum filament and I was in command on the Bridge?
RIKER: I do.
TROI: Well, when that happened, I was overwhelmed. But when it was over I realised that a part of me missed it. Not the actual disaster, but the experience of being in command.

And here we are, the biggest plot hole in the episode. I'm not going to claim that passing the test should be required for commanding the ship, but it wouldn't be a bad idea. Then again, you'd think every Starfleet Academy student has to take a few command courses, since all of them will command a work team, away team, or even the ship itself at some point.

Upon thinking about it, is there a difference between "having the bridge" (i.e. you have to call a senior officer to take over at the first hint of trouble) and "acting captain" (you're trusted to handle everything short of an actual war or First Contact situation)? That's another screed waiting to happen.,

RIKER: Deanna, if you take the Bridge Officer's test, you'll have my complete support. But as First Officer, I'll be the one judging your performance, and you should know I am a pretty tough judge.

I get the purpose of this for storytelling purposes, but in the real world I would have to assume that this would require specialized training akin to what Wesley had to go through back in "Coming of Age".

TALUR: No headaches, palpitations, sluggishness, indigestion?
DATA: No. But I cannot have indigestion since I have not eaten.
TALUR: Ah. Malnutrition.

That seems like a leap of logic.

TALUR: Yes. You probably come from a race of people who lived in the snow and ice of the Vellorian mountains. Your skin and eye colouration are a result of prolonged exposure to harsh winter conditions.

I do like the attempt to use science and logic here. A repeat of "Who Watches the Watchers" would be unwelcome.

(Skoran hits it with a hammer on the anvil)
SKORAN: It's obviously been tempered and milled.

Tempered means heating and slow cooling to increase toughness (ability to deform without fracturing). Milled means the surface has been cut away revealing a uniform surface. I had to look this stuff up, I've always been more comfortable with woodworking than metalworking.

SKORAN: The metal's malleable enough to make some jewellry.

We're never told what this stuff is beyond "radioactive". Uranium can be worked and I assume other radioactive metals can as well.

GIA: Father, are you all right?
GARVIN: I've been tired since this afternoon. I'm sure it's nothing.

Fatigue is a symptom of radiation poisoning, but it's surprising that nausea is never even mentioned.

DATA: Where is your mother?
GIA: She died about a year ago. Father says she went to a beautiful place where everything is peaceful and everyone loves each other, and no one ever gets sick. Do you think there's really a place like that?
(Data gazes out at the moon and stars)
DATA: Yes. I do.

Another great scene.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: We just lost contact with everything above deck twenty one, including the Bridge.

You know, there really should be several dedicated communications channels between the bridge and main engineering. And of various technologies as well. I'm offended by the idea that there's only one cable between the two that can be easily severed. Furthermore, shouldn't the commbadges operate on a frequency that is completely different from the ones a shipboard disaster could interfere with?

COMPUTER: Unable to comply. All power to ejection systems has been terminated and cannot be restored.

Ugh. Even IF we suppose that the ship can be damaged to the point where the computer can't create a connection to the animatter pods, there should be crewman near the pods at all times and a big red level ready to manually eject said pods. Duh.

TROI: So what did I do wrong?
RIKER: I'm afraid I can't tell you that.
TROI: Why not? What kind of a test is this?
RIKER: It's the kind of a test that you'll have to take again if you want to be a Bridge Officer.

Yes, there should always be a few things on a final exam that you have to have studied enough to have hardwired into your brain. Simply taking the test over and over again and hoping that your dice rolls are favorable is no way to make a bridge officer.

TALUR: Rock, fire, sky, and water are the basic elements of the universe. They can be found in every object, every person, every animal, everything.

Americans tend to be egotistical and think that any "primitive system of elements" always consists of air, earth, water, and fire. The weird thing is, they also tend to ignore aether, which covers any number of phenomenon that can't be understood. Upon doing research I was surprised to find out how many cultures use the five elements with little modifications. I could've sworn that there was a culture that added "metal".

TROI: The secondary plasma vent has a triple redundant bypass. Which means that the primary access junction is routed through
(doorbell)
TROI: Come in. Would be routed through the port transducer matrix.

You have to feel for Sirtis here. Unline Burton or Spiner she hasn't had to memorize Treknobabble to the extent needed in this episode.

TROI: Why? Because I'm not the most technically-minded person on the ship? I may have trouble telling the difference between a plasma conduit and a phase inducer, but there's more to being a bridge officer than memorising technical manuals.

Really? I jolly well expect any Starfleet officer to know the difference between those two. Now, if you were talking about preganglionic fibers and postganglionic nerves, that's another story...

TROI: Geordi, could you repair the ODN conduit if you went into the crawlspace?
WORF: Sir, that crawlway is in a warp-plasma shaft. He would never survive the radiation.

Crawlspace? Did the screenwriter get tired of writing Treknobabble and simply refuse to say "Jeffries tube?"

DATA: I have coated this piece of cloth with the liquid which is used in lamps. As you can see, the cloth becomes luminescent when it is exposed to an energy source. This pendant also appears to be an energy source.

I haven't found any evidence that lamp oil glows in the presence of radiation. Perhaps this mystery metal isn't emitting a type of radiation that is presently known.

TALUR: But where is this pattern of light coming from?
DATA: I believe a stream of particles is emanating from the metallic pendant and hitting the cloth.

How do you explain subatomic particles to a culture that hasn't even invented the steam engine?

GIA: What kind of medicine is it?
DATA: A compound I made which will neutralise the particles that are making you ill.

The most primitive radiation treatments include potassium iodine and certain dyes, and special proteins that can promote the production of white blood cells.

DATA: I had located the crashed Federation probe and collected the radioactive fragments. I was attempting to download the sensor logs from the probe's onboard computer. There was a power surge. I believe the surge overloaded my positronic matrix. After that, I have no memory until this moment.

Ugh. You'd think Data would install surge protectors into himself, especially after the events of "Disaster."

The Fiver

Data: It says "radioactive."
Garvin: What's that supposed to mean?
Data: What do you think I am, a walking dictionary?

Missing first lines alert!

Talur: Your skin is very pale, so you must not spend much time in the sun.
Data: That would be an accurate assumption.
Talur: My grandmother would have thought you were a demon of some sort, but I know better: You are a vampire.

The fiver was written in 2004. The first Twilight book wouldn't be released until 2005. I'm surprised that there isn't a basement-dwelling nerd punchline in this one. They don't spend much time in the sun, either.

Data: (lifts anvil) I believe the anvil fell because of shoddy workmanship.You should avoid ordering from this "Acme Corporation" in the future.

Actually I'm pretty sure ACME never sent Wile E. Coyote any faulty products. He just used them in an unexpected and dangerous way.

Talur: Garvin, you don't look so good.
Garvin: Pbbt, I feel fine.
Talur: You don't smell so good, either. I think you're sick.
Garvin: Nonsense!
Talur: Then why are there two puncture marks on your neck?

If that was supposed to be a Princess Bride joke, it needed a bit more development.

Talur: So the five basic elements are earth, fire, wind, water, and heart. And when these elements combine, we have Captain Planet!

Well, that's a time capsule of a joke.

Skoran: You're the cause of all this, Vampire!
Data: If you are referring to the illness, you are partially correct, but you may want to examine my data in detail.
Skoran: Forget details. We want to hit you in deface.

Ouch, that one hurt.

Data: Gia, wake up! I have good news!
Gia: You found a cure for the disease?
Data: Not yet, but I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.

You have to throw in the explicit Geiko reference to complete the joke.

Picard: I'm glad we were able to beam you back safely,
Data. What's the last thing you remember?
Data: "His nose should pant, and his lip should" --

Nice Insurrection reference. Have I mentioned lately how much I prefer Insurrection to First Contact?

Memory Alpha

* Last appearance of Riker playing trombone. And it must be a new one, since he gave his old one to Tom.
* Jeri Taylor admitted that some fans were angry that Troi got a promotion instead of Data or Geordi. I would argue that Geordi hasn't been a Lt. Cmdr. long enough to be promoted again so fast. As for Data, that's another kettle of fish I don't care to open right now.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Given what we know of Data's mass, he would topple over if he tried to lift that anvil in that position. It's not a matter of strength, it's a matter of leverage.
* Phil is confused about Beverly expanding her horizons in only one direction with the bridge officer's test. I think that's a little shortsighted. It could be argued that the test covers more than just command, it also includes understanding enough of the other areas of the ship to effectively command them.
* Pulaski was also a full commander, yet she didn't take the test and wasn't a bridge officer. I could've sworn she was only a Lt. Cmdr.
* How come the radioactive materials box had a simple latch and not a computer lock?
* Riker says "end simulation" after the test, but only the people disappear, not the set as well. Oops.
* Did Crusher somehow fix Data without having to remove the native clothing that he was wearing?

[Nate the Great]

February 21st, 1994, "Masks"

Fiver by saxamaphone

The Episode

TROI: How's it going, Data?
DATA: I have finished.
(it's a perfect PADD)
DATA: The dimensions are accurate to within one point three percent.
TROI: I'm sure they are.

The strange thing is that with Data I'd expect better than 1.3%. He has perfect sight and perfect control over his hands and the tools in them.

TROI: Maybe you should try something a little more abstract. Here. I want you to start a new piece. I'd like you to sculpt music.
DATA: Counsellor, music is a collection of acoustic vibrations. How can I reproduce a sound with clay?
TROI: Well, think of the effects that sounds have on people, the images that music brings to your mind, and then give it a form.
(he quickly forms a treble clef)

This is one that baffles me. He's a student of all art, and plenty of artists have attempted to recreate music in a visual medium. There's plenty of material for Data to regurgitate and remix into a new form.

(a golden sun-face fills the screen)
LAFORGE: What's that one?
DATA: Death.

The idea of a sun god representing death seems like a stretch.

DATA: I do not know, sir. The object is nearly solid. It is composed primarily of fortanium and several unknown materials. It is over eighty seven million years old.

Only appearance of fortanium. It occurs to me that this would've been a great place to namedrop the "ceramic alloys" from "The Inner Light."

PICARD: The concept of the four cardinal compass directions is quite common in many different cultures.

In many nomadic societies the four cardinal directions are important representations of sunrise/sunset and the sources of the major winds. The Greeks and Romans even had names for twelve different wind directions. The ancient Arabs had a 32-point compass rose based on key constellations to be used for celestial navigation.

DATA: Geordi, what does it feel like when a person is losing his mind?

Always a chilling line.

(Data has the compass symbol on his forehead and a wicked grin)

The idea that the archive is mucking around with the matter in Data's body is quite disturbing.

LAFORGE: Captain, this is incredible. These artefacts weren't beamed over here from the archive. The matter here in Ten Forward has been transformed.
PICARD: Into living plants? How is that possible?

A valid question, but not the most important one right now. Then again, the replicator can create salads. How much more work would it be to set up a complete plant?

WORF: Sir, our weapon control systems are inoperative. However, we could reconfigure a photon torpedo for manual launch.

What about launching a shuttle and using the torpedoes from that? Are the shuttles being affected as well?

(the torpedo is full of snakes...

Now that's impressive. I sort of wish that they just said that the archive was doing all of these transformations, it would be easy to handwave the life creation if they did that.

RIKER: Maybe we'd better talk in here. The Observation Lounge has turned into a swamp.

It's amazing how the archive isn't transforming any of the hullplates or windows. Or the antimatter containment pods, for that matter.

RIKER: What about communications, sensors, life support?
LAFORGE: We have communications, and limited sensor control. Life support seems to be unaffected.

Why haven't they sent out a distress call yet? There's no guarantee that the archive won't transform the actual people at some point, this is a really dangerous situation!

WORF: Captain. The entire deck has been cleared of personnel. We may proceed.

Because we all know that Masaka's temple can be confined on a single deck. Ugh.

PICARD: Mister Data, are you all right?
DATA: I believe so, sir. I am not entirely certain what has happened. Have I been dreaming again?

They could've done so much more with the dreaming program. Come to think of it, they could've used it in the movies. The fear from not saving Geordi, the Borg Queen inserting herself into the dream, etc.

The Fiver

Picard: No, we won't even be breaking the ice.

Missing first lines alert!

Riker: What could they possibly mean?
Data: "Buried...Years...For all time --"

Is this a reference to something?

La Forge: Data, you can read this?
Data: Yes, I am hooked on hieroglyphics.

"Hooked on Phonics" is already a fading cultural memory. I pity the readers of the future who won't have a clue on why this is a joke.

Riker: Aye sir, but I think I should warn you that the ship's anti-virus software won't be installed until Tuesday.

Is the Tuesday gag the most prevalent movie-specific one on the site?

Picard: I don't know, but check out these pictures! This one's a giant snake head, I think.
Worf: "How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth!"
Picard: Worf, we're not playing the "List the Episodes or Movies that the Current Events Duplicate" game.

That game would get old really fast.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How did they know where Masaka's temple would be created?
* Phil points out how easily Data broke out and wonders why ship's security hasn't figured out a way to contain him yet.
* He wonders why they lugged a torpedo up to Main Engineering to modify it when they'd just have to lug it down to the torpedo bay again anyway. I question why you'd want a torpedo near the warp core in any case.
* When the temple turns back into the corridor Data and Picard weren't at floor level, why didn't they fall?

[Nate the Great]

February 28th, 1994, "Eye of the Beholder"

Boy, was I not looking forward to this one. More Troi/Worf nonsense, more suspected crazy people, more absurd Treknobabble.

Fiver by Kira

The Episode

DATA: We are losing containment in the starboard nacelle tube.
PICARD: Try to get more power to the field coils.
DATA: Aye, sir.

Data's not even using the Engineering station on the Bridge, how is he supposed to help? Not only is this a Main Engineering Problem, but there should be dedicated controls outside each nacelle to provide for emergency shutoff and nacelle ejection.

PICARD: Release the exterior hull plate. We may have to jettison the core.

Why is releasing the hull plate a separate command? It should be an automatic part of the process? Is it somehow safer to release manually?

RIKER: What happened?
NARA: (alien woman) He locked out the controls. Before we knew what was happening, he stepped up onto the walkway.
RIKER: (to Worf) See if you can help shut down the plasma flow.

I know that the main characters have to be a part of the story, but this is one case where it just doesn't make sense. This really isn't a "Worf" job, nor is he the go-to guy for shutting down the plasma flow (which should really be a one-button command from Main Engineering anyway).

TROI: I met with him about six weeks ago, during the crew evaluations. He was very positive. He was looking forward to being posted to the nacelle tube.

First of all, there are TWO nacelle tubes. Second of all, is this really a permanent posting? Proverbial oil changes seems like something you could rotate one shift a month among the Engineering staff.

TROI: If he made any personal logs, it might be helpful to look through them.
PICARD: You're authorised to do so.

You'd think the ship's counselor would be authorized to read any personal log at any time, she wouldn't need authorization for it.

PICARD: The medical situation on Barson Two has worsened. Starfleet has given us permission to exceed warp speed limitations so as to get back on schedule.

It would've been so easy for the creators to just ignore "Force of Nature", it's not like the viewers of the time would've cared. It just makes the blatant apathy of the Voyager writing staff more obvious.

DATA: The first months following my activation were a difficult period for me. There were many problems associated with my becoming sentient.
LAFORGE: Because your neural net was still forming.
DATA: As I acquired new skills, neural pathways would form replacing other less complex pathways. It was very disorienting.
LAFORGE: I bet.

I get what they're going for, but the writers should not have tried such an apples and oranges comparison just to make Data the focus. It's an insult to the real people who have contemplated suicide. This scene should've been replaced with one where Worf reevaluates his experiences during the events of "Ethics". It also would've made for a nice Worf/Troi scene if that's what they were going for.

TROI: It all looks so normal. For some reason I half expected the place to be a mess.

A stupid statement from a psychologist. Not all mentally unwell people lash out as a coping mechanism OR are capable of restraining their symptoms in public. Yet another example of oversimplifying mental illness for the sake of a plot point.

TROI: I thought you might like to know that in his personal logs, Dan talked about you a great deal. He loved you very much.
CALLOWAY: If that's true, then how could he leave me like this?

Ugh. Depression and suicidal thoughts tend to not be rational thoughts. Who's to say if you were on his mind at all while he planned his suicide? (If this was a standard suicidal episode, which it's not)

CALLOWAY: Yes. Dan sensed that she, well, that she felt threatened by him. That she thought he was after her position.

First of all, Starfleet training should be enough to handle this. Second of all, what was going on with the crew of the other nacelle tube? Surely they could've both been in charge of one without stepping on any feet.

NARA: Excellent. He knew this ship better than most people, probably because he helped build it back at Utopia Planitia.

And he's a lowly engineer in one of the nacelle tubes after seven years? This doesn't add up.

NARA: He was ambitious. He came in here with all sorts of new ideas about how to do things. Some of them very good ideas.

New ideas about how to do what? The people in the tubes are only there to make sure that the warp plasma safely gets to the warp coils. There isn't much room for modification of the system there. And even if there were, they would've told Geordi about their ideas and then returned to changing oil or whatever.

TROI: Well, when I was a young girl, my grandfather used to tell me stories by the fire. I would close my eyes and listen to his mind for hours on end.
WORF: He would tell you these stories telepathically?
TROI: My grandfather rarely spoke. He said that was for off-worlders and people who didn't know any better.

It's stuff like this that raises questions. It's made clear that Betazoids have to grow into their powers at puberty. Tam Elbrun had to grow up with all that noise and it made him unhinged. Perhaps Betazoid adults act as recievers and transmitters for their children for basic communication, but that just raises further questions!

WORF: Lieutenant Corell seems to be enjoying your company.
RIKER: I'd like to think so.
WORF: Are you involved with her?
RIKER: I'm not sure yet. Why, are you interested?
WORF: No. But if I were, I would of course discuss the situation with you before proceeding further.
RIKER: I appreciate it, but that really wouldn't be necessary.
WORF: I mean I would never want to come between you and someone you are involved with, or had ever been involved with.
RIKER: Is there someone in particular that you're talking about?
WORF: No. Is there someone in particular you would rather I not be involved with?

This conversation should've happened in a prior episode, and frankly Worf should've been more direct. I can appreciate that Klingons follow the bro code, but this case is special. Will and Deanna have made it clear that despite their attraction they aren't prepared to be in a relationship right now. Furthermore, Worf knows about Riker's dalliances and trips to Risa by now. This scene feels like Worf is implying that Riker is allowed to "call dibs" on any number of women simultaneously for as long as he wants, which is disgusting.

TROI: If only I could go back to the control room without being overwhelmed by the experience. It might help me remember some detail that might be relevant.

You mean like recreating the thing in the holodeck? This is one plot hole that really bugs me. It's not like they'd have to make a new set...

(Troi is ploughing through personnel files on the science station - Guy Vardeman is masquerading as Darien Wallace)

Guy VardAman was a frequent TNG bit player as well as a stand-in for Spiner. He also helped out with the production staff and created some beta canon stuff for the card game and magazines. Chakoteya must be a fan.

WORF: Have you found anything?
TROI: No. There were literally thousands of people involved in building the Enterprise.

But how many were involved in designing or building the nacelle tube? You know, I really do expect better from her after the Bridge Officer's test.

TROI: The fact that I couldn't read him suggests that he has at least some telepathic ability.

I'll skip the screed speculating about the different telepathic "frequencies" and methods used by different telepathic races, but there is a lot to unpack here.

(finally, Worf takes her hand and nuzzles her neck, then they kiss passionately)
(next morning, Troi is still in bed and Worf is already dressed. He kisses her awake. I thought non-Klingon females were too fragile??)

So did I. And even if we're going to posit that Worf was exaggerating, this is not the time for them to be having sex for the first time. She admits that she could be under psychic influence, they're in the middle of an investigation, and Worf technically doesn't have Will's permission yet because he didn't ask properly.

For that matter, where's Alexander? Did Worf leave him a message saying that he wouldn't be back tonight because he's out catching some tail?

TROI: Lieutenant Nara, may I ask you something? The work Lieutenant Kwan was doing, was it unusual in any way?
NARA: He was refitting a field coil, but it was probably the first time that particular panel's been opened since the ship was built.
TROI: Thank you.

I find that hard to believe. I would expect every panel to be open during the post-Borg refit. Furthermore, I refuse to believe that any part of the warp drive system is that reliable.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: Organic? You're right. Let me reconfigure the emitter beam. We might be able to see what it is. There.
(skull, ribcage, spine)

Yeah, no. That much impurity would show up in a prior scan, plus the ship would keep careful track of the stress patterns in every piece of bulkhead. This thing would show up instantly as a weak point.

TROI: Worf, can I ask you something? Do you regret what happened last night?
WORF: No, of course not.
TROI: Are you sure? Because I don't want anything to jeopardise our friendship.

I find it odd that they didn't bring up the sex=marriage thing. Had they not brought it up in "Looking for Par-Mach" I would've been able to brush it aside as Worf being uber-old-fashioned-Klingon again.

There's another screed about Worf seeing sex as having a spiritual component. Was what happened last night really spiritual?

TROI: I'm not feeling myself. Maybe it's the inhibitor. I'm so used to sensing what people are feeling, and now I can't.

In a post-"The Loss" episode this doesn't make sense at all.

WORF: I opened the maintenance door at Counsellor Troi's request, then turned to see her standing too close to the force field.
TROI: It all seemed so real to me. I can't believe that everything I experienced happened in just those few seconds.

And there's the copout. None of it really happened, so we're not supposed to question it. Yeah, I will never follow that line of reasoning. In order for illusions to be THAT convincing and last THAT long, it has to follow the same logic as the real world.

Which introduces further questions. Does Troi really think of Worf as the kind of guy who engages in casual sex? Does she think that either one of them would make such a life-changing event without at least a conversation? Does she still think of Will as having "dibs" on her?

The Fiver

Lieutenant Kwan: Don't come any closer or I'll jump through this forcefield!
Riker: Don't be ridiculous. Nobody can jump through a forcefield.

This is overly simplistic. We've seen forcefields of many intensities. But yeah, this particular one should repel solid objects.

Empathic Echo: Simba, you must avenge my death.
Troi: What?
Empathic Echo: Er... Luke, trust your feelings.
Troi: Huh?
Empathic Echo: Dammit, I got it right on that other guy....

"In life, I was your partner Jacob Marley..."

Troi: ...and as I was standing there, I could feel a presence. But there was nobody there!
Riker: You mean....
Troi: Yes. I sense dead people.

Yikes is that a reference that didn't age well.

Troi: The empathic echo was forged deep in the nacelle tube, in fires of the plasma vents. Only there can it be destroyed.

This Lord of the Rings reference feels like either a shoehorn or one that was only half-baked, I'm not sure.

Troi: Since when do you stop by my quarters late at night?
Worf: All the time, Imzadi.
Troi: I thought I told you to stop calling me that. You're not Will Riker.
Worf: Have you ever kissed me with a beard before?

I refer you to the novel Imzadi II where Worf really learns what that term means and applies it to Jadzia, not Deanna. The Insurrection joke kinda falls flat here.

Worf: Commander, I have a hypothetical situation for you. If a Klingon security chief wished to mate with a Betazoid counsellor --
Riker: Stay away from my girl, Worf.
Worf: If she were your girl, you wouldn't have to tell me that.

Is this an X-Men reference?

Besides, you know what they say about all good things.
Riker: You're just asking for an insurrection, buster.

Another half-baked joke. If you're not going to mention all of the TNG movies, why bother?

Troi: There's something behind that bulkhead.
La Forge: Let's see what the scanner can -- whoa. I see a dead people.
Body: I'm not dead.
Troi: Yes, you are. You're in a bulkhead.
Body: I feel better. I think I'll go for a walk.
La Forge: Data, you're not fooling anyone. Stop throwing your voice.
Data: Aw.

This Monty Python joke feels like it needed another line.

Troi: Worf... are you sorry you slept with me?
Worf: (making a notch on his belt) Sorry, what?

This might be a good gag for Riker, but not Worf. As far as we know, his only sexual partners at this point are K'Ehleyr (it still annoys me that I have to look up how to spell that every time) and Deanna.

Troi: You cheating scumbag!
(ZAP!)
Worf: GAK!
Calloway: Oh my God! You've killed Worf!
Troi: That bastard.

This feels like a South Park reference, but I don't watch that show.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Ensign Calloway seems rather calm given that her boyfriend just died. After Jeremy Aster I'm willing to accept any emotion at all.
* Phil also noticed the different kinds of force fields thing.
* Phil makes a mistake by asking why Riker didn't ask O'Brien to beam Kwan out. Because O'Brien is on Deep Space Nine, dum dum! As for normal transporters, I'm willing to speculate that the nacelle tubes generate a lot of interference.
* Data clearly says that they are in the starboard nacelle, yet the graphic shows them venting the port nacelle. Oops.

[Nate the Great]

March 21st, 1994, "Genesis"

Oh, the science in this one is going to hurt...

Fiver by Marc

BARCLAY: Blurred vision, dizziness, palpitations, a stinging sensation in the lower spine. It's Terrelian Death Syndrome, isn't it.
CRUSHER: I thought we agreed you'd come to me before checking Starfleet Medical Database.

It's far too late into Barclay's character arc to do a story like this. It occurs to me that there should be a difference between the publicly available medical database of common stuff and the sickbay-only one for the more obscure stuff.

"When you hear hoofbeats, you just go ahead and think horses, not zebras!"

BARCLAY: Electrophoretic activity? Is it serious?
CRUSHER: Well, based on this, I'd say you've got seventy, maybe eighty years.
BARCLAY: Eighty? Eighty years?

Even if we accept that McCoy's longevity is unusual, 120 seems young by 24th century standards.

CRUSHER: Yes, Reg. What you've got a mild case of Urodelan Flu. It's nothing serious. Most humans have a natural immunity to it, but the T-cell in your DNA that would normally fight off the infection is dormant.
BARCLAY: So you mean I have bad genes?
CRUSHER: You have one dormant gene out of a hundred thousand, and I can activate that gene with a synthetic T-cell let the body attack the infection naturally. You should feel better in a couple of days.

This seems silly. Reprogramming the immune system that easily is absurd. Why not just attack this thing directly instead of tricking the body into doing it?

OGAWA: I know what you mean. I don't want to know either.
CRUSHER: Alyssa?
OGAWA: Spot's not the only one who's going to be a mother.
CRUSHER: Oh, Alyssa, that's wonderful! How did Andrew take the news?
OGAWA: He was a little shocked, but he's getting over it.

Like I've said before, the timeline just doesn't work here. It's way too early for Alyssa to suspect, she just got engaged a month ago and it was clearly not a shotgun wedding. Did they decide to start trying immediately and she's been scanning herself daily?

The annoying part of all this is that they had her get married to service a terrible episode. Spot turned into a girl to service a terrible episode.

WORF: The next test will involve the new photon torpedoes. The explosive yield has been increased by eleven percent and I have enhanced the targeting system for increased accuracy.

How do you increase the amount of antimatter by 11% without making the torpedoes too large for the launchers? As for the targeting system, why is Worf doing this instead of Geordi or the eggheads back at Starfleet Command?

PICARD: Maintain a sensor lock on the torpedo, Mister Worf. We'll have to go after it.
DATA: That would be inadvisable, sir. The asteroid field is unusually dense. The Enterprise is too large to safely navigate through it.

The average distance between asteroids in the asteroid belt is a million km. The Enterprise is one kilometer long. Don't even think of telling me that the deflector shield around the ship is a million km wide. This is a stupid way to get Picard and Data off the ship. I would've preferred it if they were just away at a conference like in Timescape and returned to a ship in chaos. Sure it'd be lazy, but it wouldn't be stupid lazy.

PICARD: Then I'll take a shuttlecraft and retrieve it. Mister Data, you're with me.
RIKER: Captain, the shuttle pilot who's on duty is Lieutenant Hayes.
PICARD: I happen to be a reasonably qualified pilot, Number One.

Wouldn't Data fly the shuttle even better than Hayes?

RIKER: Wait a minute. Slow down. I lost you back there. Which sensor clusters?

I don't like this idea that only Riker is getting dumber. Especially since everyone is devolving into more primitive lifeforms.

TROI: Worf, it's freezing in here.
WORF: You have already raised the temperature three times. It is too hot.
TROI: Live with it.

I'm pretty sure you'd need a doctor's note to justify altering the environmental controls. This episode is just full of idiocy.

TROI: What are you doing here?
WORF: I had to be near you.
TROI: Computer, increase temperature by five degrees.
WORF: Get out of that water now.
TROI: Leave me alone!
(Worf grabs her arm and bites her on the cheek)

A key problem with the Worf/Troi romance is that it was never used as a simple romance. It was always a source of drama and a lazy plot device. Plus it never made sense. Maybe on some twisted level Worf would conclude that Troi getting along with Alexander makes her good stepmother material, but he has his needs as well. And Troi definitely falls into the "too fragile" category.

LAFORGE: Commander, I've got seven security teams out hunting for Worf, but for some reason sensors are having a difficult time locking onto him.

Ugh. Yet another case of "no commbadge=impossible to track". Even if Worf is devolving there are only two Klingons on board, what is so hard for the sensors to track?

And I just hinted at another big problem with the premise of this episode: the children. They'd be panicking, their parents would be panicking, there'd be riots all over the ship. It's not reasonable to put children on the ship unless they're going to be considered in each and every episode. They weren't even evacuated before the Borg invasion!

PICARD: Adjust the axial stabilisers to match the attitude and rotation rate of the Enterprise, I'm going to dock the shuttle manually.

The use of "dock" in this sense doesn't really fit. They somehow opened the shuttlebay doors to get inside. Does prefix code authorization extend far enough to control the in-bay tractor beam?

PICARD: Any sign of the crew?
DATA: I cannot access internal sensors from here.

So? He's got a tricorder, doesn't he? And the shuttle has its own sensors, right? This is a stupid episode.

DATA: I am picking up one thousand and eleven individual life forms within the ship. All exhibit a similar genetic flux to the one we observed in Counsellor Troi.

So 1,012 minus Data and Picard plus Ogawa's baby? But what about the multiple pets on board?

PICARD: I've regained attitude control for the ship...

Attitude control just means that the ship isn't drifting anymore. Frankly that's not the priority right now. Picard should've activated the emergency quarantine beacon by now.

PICARD: It looks as though the entire power transfer grid has been destroyed.

How? Are there fuses that Geordi's team has to change every day? The Jenolan was fine for seventy-five years!

DATA: I have analysed Commander Riker's DNA structure. A synthetic T-cell has invaded his genetic codes. This T-cell has begun to activate his latent introns.
PICARD: Introns?
DATA: They are genetic codes which are normally dormant. They are evolutionary holdovers, sequences of DNA that provided key behavioural and physical characteristics millions of years ago, but are no longer necessary. For instance, Counsellor Troi's gill slits and other amphibious characteristics were derived from introns which still contain amphibious codes.

Of course this is complete nonsense. In real life introns are just the junk parts of a gene that aren't used.

CRUSHER: He transformed into a spider and now he has a disease named after him.
TROI: I think I'd better clear my calendar for the next few weeks.

He he.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Crusher: All right -- this special T-cell booster shot should do the trick.
Barclay: Uh...does it come as a chewable tablet? I'm scared of hyposprays.

At least make it a full-blown Flintstones chewable joke, Marc! It would even tie into the plot!

Crusher: Good. Data, would you like to know the sex of the kittens in advance?
Data: Not for the moment. I must first determine why I spent years mistakenly thinking that Spot was a male.

I'd prefer to think that Data has had a series of cats, each called Spot.

Ogawa: Doctor, look at what I've found on Mr. Worf's neck!
Crusher: My God, it looks like a venom sac! I wonder if he can use it to....
Worf: SSSSSSSSSPIT!
Crusher: ARRRGH! I'm melting, I'm melting!

This Wizard of Oz joke doesn't really work.

Picard: So that would explain why Commander Riker is now so thick-skulled and stubborn that it took a sustained phaser blast to bring him down.
Data: Yes, sir. You could even say he has become completely intronsigent.

Typo alert! IntrAnsigent means refusing to change one's views.

Picard: Do we have any pregnant females on the ship at the moment?
Data: Yes, Nurse Ogawa.
Picard: Anyone else?
Data: Assuming Mr. Worf hasn't yet tracked down Counselor Troi, no.

Yuck. I have to imagine that Klingons and Betazoids would need medical assistance to conceive anyway.

Barclay: But I'm dealing with it fine! Just last night, for instance, I dreamed that Data was affected by a de-evolution computer virus that affected him and nobody else.
Troi: Really? What did he mutate into?
Barclay: Would you believe a toaster?

Ugh.

Memory Alpha

* Only episode directed by Gates McFadden.
* Final TNG episode featuring Barclay.
* Troi is shown in command, but the staff forgot to update her rank on the nameplate to her quarters. Oops.
* The tradition of naming a disease after the first patient evidently started after our day, as usually we name it after the discoverer. So Crusher should get the credit.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Troi is taking a bath, and Worf just walks in. Did he use a security override? I would ask if their relationship has progressed to the point of giving each other access to their quarters.
* We know that Beverly didn't heal Deanna's bite mark because it was needed later, but that doesn't stop it from being stupid.
* After Crusher is sprayed with acid Ogawa takes her place at the staff meeting. We know that there are at least two other doctors on board (including Selar), so why didn't one of them attend?
* Why didn't Picard wear a spacesuit when boarding the Enterprise to keep him safe? The problem being a disease would've occurred to them, right?
* A few people wrote in to talk about the medical nonsense, but I'll skip it.
* Phil does wonder where Alexander is.
* Troi outranks Worf. If Troi modifies the environmental settings and Worf tries to override, shouldn't the computer ask Troi if it should carry out Worf's command?
* Phil did the math about the speed of the shuttle and the distance of the Enterprise. It would take over TWO MONTHS to reach the Enterprise!

[Nate the Great]

March 28th, 1994, "Journey's End"

No fiver

The Episode

CRUSHER: Here you are, your very own quarters. They're as far away from mine as possible, so you don't even have to see me if you don't want to.
WESLEY: Mom, you know that's not why I asked for my own quarters this time.
CRUSHER: You don't have to explain. There comes a time in a young man's life when he doesn't want to stay with his poor senile mother. I understand.
WESLEY: I'll come visit you in the old Doctor's Home every Sunday.

This seems more like sitcom dialogue than Star Trek.

RIKER: Earl Grey tea, watercress sandwiches and Bularian canapés. Are you up for a promotion?
PICARD: I am trying to establish a new relationship with the Admiral. There has been a certain amount of tension between us in the past.

It's far too late for this, especially when the show is about to end.

NECHEYEV: You'll notice a demilitarised zone has also been created along the border. Neither side will be permitted to place military outposts, conduct fleet exercises, or station warships anywhere in the demilitarised area.

And yet in DS9 the DMZ was never demilitarized...ever.

PICARD: This border places several Federation colonies in Cardassian territory and some Cardassian colonies in ours.
NECHEYEV: This agreement is far from perfect. Neither side got everything they wanted, but every side got something. And as someone once said, diplomacy is the art of the possible. Those colonies finding themselves on the wrong side of the border will have to be moved.

I've railed against the DMZ enough in the past. For the purposes of this episode it's enough to say that the border isn't remotely a straight line, so why can't it swoop around the colonies to prevent the Cardassians from bullying the Federation citizens? For that matter, why have we never EVER seen the Federation as landlords to a Cardassian colony?

PICARD: Dorvan Five? Isn't that where the group of North American Indians settled?

"Native American" was invented in the 1960s, it should be used in the 24th century.

PICARD: There are some very disturbing historical parallels here. Once more, they're being asked to leave their homes because of a political decision that has been taken by a distant government.
NECHEYEV: An Indian representative was included in the deliberations of the Federation Council. His objections were noted, discussed, but ultimately rejected. Captain, the Indians on Dorvan are a nomadic group that have settled there only twenty years ago, and at that time they were warned that the planet was hotly disputed by the Cardassians. The bottom line is they never should have gone there in the first place.

And this is where the entire premise of the episode falls apart. The Dorvan natives were warned twenty years ago that the area was in dispute and the planet might be given to the Cardassians. Picard's mission should consist of presenting them with the following options: evacuate now or you're on your own with the Cardassians with no protection. Period.

PICARD: What if these Indians refuse to be evacuated?
NECHEYEV: Then your orders will be to remove them by whatever means are necessary.

And now we're going past American imperialism into fascism. The government knows what's best for the people so the people aren't entitled to freedom. The difference between existing and living and so forth. I thought the creators wanted to soften Necheyev's character? Wouldn't this be a good place to bring back Maxwell?

WESLEY: Read the latest paper from Doctor Vassbinder. He has brilliant new theories on warp propulsion inter-relays.

I never knew that Doctor Vassbinder made a second appearance in canon. He actually made three; Chakotay mentioned him in "Year of Hell."

"He just kept talking in one long unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic, it was really quite hypnotic."

[Nate the Great]

ANTHWARA: Then you can respect the fact that this planet holds a deep spiritual significance for us. It has taken us two centuries to find this place. We do not want to spend another two hundred years searching for what we already have.

I know something about feeling a spiritual connection to a place. Even so, I have to agree with SF Debris; the people's lives are still more important.

It occurs to me that they dropped the ball by not introducing a natural resource that the Cardassians would want. Hence you could point at the Bajoran Occupation and say, "Do you want that to happen to your people?" Because without a natural resource, why would the Cardassians bother with this planet? They might put up a sensor array or repair facilities in orbit, but by no means would they occupy the entire planet.

CRUSHER: I shouldn't have to. You're a fourth year Starfleet cadet. You should have a certain level of maturity.
WESLEY: Maybe I am sick of following rules and regulations. Maybe I am sick of living up to everyone else's expectations. Did you ever think of that?

And here's where Wesley really dropped the ball. If he felt this way he should've dropped out of the Academy and not worn a uniform while visiting the ship. And this whole thing really feels like a shoehorn to get Wesley to where he needs to be for this episode to happen. Couldn't they have had an intermediate episode where he feels discontented and drops out to rejoin the Enterprise as a civilian, THEN do this episode where he finds another path? It's not like there aren't a ton of other Season Seven episodes that could've been dropped to make room for it. And now that I think of it, it would've made for an interesting reverse parallel with Troi's path to the Bridge Officer's test; she wants to stretch herself and he's tired of doing it all the time.

PICARD: Beverly, he's got to want that help. If he doesn't, then any efforts on our part can only push him further away. He's got to work this out for himself.

Exactly.

LAKANTA: The Habak is holy to us. We hold our rituals and our ceremonies there. It's sacred to us. What's sacred to you, Wesley?
WESLEY: I don't know. I mean, I think a lot of things are important, I have a lot of respect for things. But I don't really consider anything sacred.

It's an interesting question. It wouldn't be odd to discover that Felisa Howard had religious beliefs, and Beverly doesn't quite seem like an atheist. Has Wesley been so busy that he didn't take time to explore his own spirituality?

LAKANTA: Everything is sacred to us. The buildings, the food, the sky, the dirt beneath your feet. And you. Whether you believe in your spirit or not, we believe in it. You are a sacred person here, Wesley.
WESLEY: I think that's the first time anyone's used that particular word to describe me.
LAKANTA: So, if you are sacred, then you must treat yourself with respect. To do otherwise is to desecrate something that is holy.
WESLEY: Is that what you think I've been doing?
LAKANTA: Only you can decide that.
WESLEY: I guess I haven't had a lot of respect for myself lately.

Without going into detail on my beliefs, I understand this.

ANTHWARA: When you first came to us, we did not know why you were sent by the Federation but we knew there must be a good reason. To us, nothing that happens is truly random. So we searched for the true reason you were sent. We did not find it until last night. Are you familiar with the Pueblo Revolt of sixteen eighty?
TROI: I am. Several Indian tribes rose up to overthrow their Spanish overlords and drove them out of what is now called New Mexico.
ANTHWARA: Ten years later, the Spanish returned to reconquer the area. They were brutal. I would use the word savage. They killed hundreds of our people. Thousands more were maimed. The name of one of the soldiers was Javier Maribona-Picard. Your ancestor.
PICARD: I'm not aware of this incident or of the man you named, and this happened seven hundred years ago. I do not see what bearing it can have
ANTHWARA: That is why you have come to us, to erase a stain of blood worn by your family for twenty three generations.

This is complete nonsense. Whatever Picard's opinions on spirituality, he doesn't believe in blood curses. Furthermore, this is not the way to convince him to help. Picard already wants to help and he's made clear that he doesn't want to do this. Even if he choses to defy Starfleet orders, what is he going to do, keep the Enterprise in orbit forever to fight any Cardassians who try to claim the planet?

LAKANTA: The spirits of the Klingon, the Vulcan, the Ferengi come to us just as the bear and the coyote and the parrot. There's no difference.

This is a loaded issue. How will religious people react to the existence of alien life, sentient or not? Will they treat alien races as being of a lesser stage of glory than humanity?

PICARD: Anthwara, I want to make absolutely sure that you understand the implications of this agreement. By giving up your status as Federation citizens, any future request you or your people make to Starfleet will go unanswered. You will be on your own and under Cardassian jurisdiction.
ANTHWARA: I understand, Captain. And we are prepared to take that risk. Will the Cardassian government honour your agreement here?
GUL EVEK: I believe I can convince them that this is an equitable solution. I cannot speak for every Cardassian you may encounter, but if you leave us alone I suspect that we will do the same. Will this be acceptable to the Starfleet Command?

And this is my basis for why I hate how the writers handled the Maquis. They were formally introduced over on DS9 a month after this, but there must've been discussions about them long before this. This episode clearly says "they're not Federation citizens anymore, we won't defend them" but DS9 says "they are Federation citizens, we have to defend them". Talk about the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing.

Memory Alpha

* Beverly recalls details of Picard's conversation with the Traveler back in "Where No One Has Gone Before", but the Traveler specifically told him not to tell her. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why would these Indians have records going back to the 1600s, and why would Troi know anything about early European/Indian relations?

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

The Fiver



Picard: So that would explain why Commander Riker is now so thick-skulled and stubborn that it took a sustained phaser blast to bring him down.
Data: Yes, sir. You could even say he has become completely intronsigent.

Typo alert! IntrAnsigent means refusing to change one's views.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intron

An intron is a DNA thing.

[Nate the Great]

I didn't notice the pun, but the problem is that neither intron nor intransigent is a common word, so you can't muck around with them very much for the sake of a joke.

[Nate the Great]

April 25th, 1994, "Firstborn"

I've said it before and I'll say it again, they never wrote Alexander properly. This episode is about two seasons too late if it was supposed to finally make Worf stop forcing Alexander into what he wants them to be (and yeah, it suddenly occurs to me that "Birthright" could've been a key turning point for Worf forcing his worldview on others).

The Episode

ALEXANDER: I'm sorry. We made fullerenes in chemistry class today and filled them with water.

Fullerenes are the broader family that Buckyballs belong to: soccer-ball spheres of carbon molecules. I get that they probably made foam balls using two kinds of foam (to represent the pentagonal and hexagonal rings) to act as a model of a fullerene, but he didn't say "models of fullerenes", he said "fullerenes", which isn't accurate.

WORF: I asked you to meet me here after school. I have been waiting for you.
ALEXANDER: I forgot.
WORF: You forgot because you allowed yourself to be distracted by foolishness.
ALEXANDER: I'm sorry.

And here we go. Worf is forgetting the forest to complain about trees. He should've moved straight into his speech rather than shame Alexander.

WORF: No. I meant warrior. The path of A warrior begins with the First Rite of Ascension.
ALEXANDER: Is that when they hit you with pain sticks?

One of the better scenes from Season Two.

WORF: No. No, that is the Second Rite.
ALEXANDER: Oh.
WORF: You are approaching the Age of Ascension. It is time for you to prepare for the ceremony.

This is confusing. I thought the time to "prepare" was as soon as a child can hold a blade. Furthermore, he should've had this conversation with Alexander a long time ago.

ALEXANDER: What do I have to do?
WORF: Well, your fighting skills will be tested and your knowledge of the teachings of Kahless. It will be challenging, but I will help you prepare. These are the kor'tova candles. They represent the fire that burns within the heart of a warrior. When you light yours, you will be declaring your intention to become a warrior. Go ahead.
ALEXANDER: What if I don't want to?

This conversation should've happened before Worf even brought out the candles.

WORF: If you do not participate in the rite before the age of thirteen years, you will never be able to become a true Klingon warrior.

This is where the timeline completely implodes. Alexander is four years old. When he appears as an adult on DS9 he'll be eight. The biggest problem is that even if they tried to retcon the TNG era as two years per season it just raises more questions and we'd still be years away from Alexander being thirteen.

ALEXANDER: Well I don't care about that.
WORF: You may not care about it now, but someday you might.
ALEXANDER: Mother always said that I didn't have to do any of this Klingon stuff if I didn't want.

I always considered this to be a major misstep on K'Ehleyr's part. She told Worf specifically that Alexander should be allowed to find his own ways, yet she taught her son that he should be suspicious of his Klingon heritage. In other words, as Alexander grows up and goes in search of his own ways she didn't actually intend for him to do this Klingon stuff.

I seriously wish that she had lived. Probably not forever, but at least let her be a guest star until Redemption where the Duras sisters kill her. Let Gowron win the throne by having a simple one on one duel with Duras.

WORF: I have tried to tell him that it is an important part of a young Klingon's life, but he does not understand.
PICARD: But he's had so little opportunity to spend time with Klingons. You know, the festival of Kot'baval is tomorrow.

The festival celebrates the victory of Kahless over Molor. In the Mirror Universe it's the other way around, of course.

I'm extremely dubious that Picard has an encyclopedic knowledge of Klingon holidays OR can instantly convert between stardates and the Klingon calendar OR bothered to keep track of Klingon outposts in the area. This kind of stuff really makes the notion that Federation science can imprint knowledge into people's minds a bit more plausible (stupid Nomad brainwiping Uhura...).

WORF: Yes. But the outpost is on the other side of the Vodrey Nebula. It would take three days by shuttle to get there.
PICARD: The Enterprise could be there in a fraction of the time, and still be back in time for the rendezvous.

Three days? Is this particular nebula too dangerous for small craft and he'd have to go around the long way? They could've spared a line for that, I would've bought it.

SINGER: Nok'tar be'got, hosh'ar te'not?
CRUSHER: What's he saying?

SF Debris brought up the fact that she was wearing a communicator. Given evidence elsewhere the only possible explanation I can come up with is that Klingons choose to learn English (again "Federation Standard" doesn't exist after all) and forbid usage of translators. And again, they could've explained that.

An alternative is that the actors are speaking the Ancient Klingon used in the days of Kahless and this is too complicated to be translated.

ALEXANDER: The man over there says he's got Molor's head in a box. The real Molor.
WORF: That is impossible. The real Molor died centuries ago.
ALEXANDER: I know. It's mummified.

Fifteen hundred centuries ago, to be exact. As for mummification, I have serious doubts that Klingons would bother with that. Ancient Kronos had large deserts (Kahless was sort of like Genghis Khan) and I'd rather think that the head would be desiccated than mummified. Even so, it'd be locked in a crypt on Kronos rather than in the hands of this con artist.

WORF: He is gin'tak to the house of Mogh.
RIKER: Gin'tak?
WORF: An advisor so trusted that he is become part of a family.

Which makes you wonder where he was during the civil war. Presumably Alexander has usurped the identity of the real K'mtar.

[Nate the Great]

K'MTAR: We have other evidence that indicates the Duras sisters, Lursa and B'Etor, were behind the attack.
RIKER: What do you think they were after?
K'MTAR: Kurn's seat on the Council, of course.

I'm fairly certain that council seats can't be usurped via assassination. As Grilka says, houses settle disputes by having their forces meet in battle. Then again, do the Duras sisters OR Kurn have forces that COULD meet in battle? Do Council members earn enough to buy family estates, hire warriors, etc.?

RIKER: At one point they were at Deep Space Nine, trying to sell bilitrium explosives.
K'MTAR: That was months ago.

"Past Prologue" was about Stardate 46350, it's now about Stardate 47780. I'd call almost a year and a half more than just "months."

K'MTAR: Good. Because someday Alexander may be called upon to lead the house of Mogh. Kurn has no male heir. He wants to make sure that Alexander is preparing himself.

"House of Quark" stated that women leading Houses was unusual, but it wasn't impossible.

It occurs to me, wouldn't it have been interesting to have an episode where Alexander's cousins visit? They'd be able to tell him what "this Klingon stuff" should look like from a child's perspective.

Actually, the idea that the heir doesn't have to follow strict primogeniture is interesting, but I'll skip that screed.

K'MTAR: How are his fighting skills? Can he handle a bat'leth?
WORF: He is learning. He could be better.
K'MTAR: He must. He's nearing the age of ascension.

He is? They specifically said "thirteen" and Alexander is nowhere near that age. If there are two Klingon years to every Earth year, they could say so.

K'MTAR: Have you ever been to the Homeworld?
ALEXANDER: No.

Really? Wouldn't there be a Federation Embassy on Kronos for K'ehleyr to use? Did she choose not to use it?

K'MTAR: I understand. You're afraid. You don't know whether the Homeworld is safe.
ALEXANDER: Yes.

I always imagined Klingon estates to be walled complexes similar to those in ancient China. I'm sure children would be quite safe inside the walls. Even invading mercenaries would find it dishonorable to kill children before the final Rite of Ascension.

DATA: Starfleet records contain no mention of the Duras sisters after their departure from Deep Space Nine.

For a year and a half? I would like to think that people who start a civil war would be worthy of continual Klingon surveillance by themselves, and that's before you add the Romulan collaboration into the equation.

RIKER: On screen. Quark. I see you remember me.

They used a horrible take in this scene. Quark took a little too long reacting to seeing Riker on his screen.

QUARK [on viewscreen]: How could I forget the only man ever to win triple down dabo at one of my tables?

There's a fun DS9 novel where Quark hosts a poker tournament and invites Riker. Riker can't make it, so Doctor Bashir takes his place and unexpectedly wins (this is before the revelation of his Augment status, FYI).

RIKER: And how could I forget that you didn't have enough latinum to cover my winnings?
QUARK [on viewscreen]: I thought I explained that my brother had misplaced the key to the safe.

Talk about a stupid excuse. I don't see Ferengi ever using physical keys; they'd use multiple combinations along with biometric sensors.

RIKER: I'm looking for some Klingon friends of mine. The Duras sisters, Lursa and B'Etor?
QUARK [on viewscreen]: Yes, Lursa and B'Etor. Big talk, small tips.

Both say "Lorsa" instead of "Lursa", that always bugged me.

QUARK [on viewscreen]: They learned of a magnesite deposit on the Kalla system. It belongs to the Pakleds, but those fools don't even know it's there.

Is anyone else dubious that the Pakleds could ever hold a system other than the one with their homeworld?

K'MTAR: Could not he have been lying?
RIKER: Why would he? I'd just be knocking on his door again in a few days, and I wouldn't be in as good a mood.

A good point. It's not like Quark can hide, and there was a security officer in Sisko's office watching the whole thing who could testify against him.

ALEXANDER: Why did you want to recreate this?

"The producers said that we had to get our money's worth out of the set." Hehe.

[Nate the Great]

WORF: I would like him to learn our ways. No. This is his home.
K'MTAR: How can you expect him to lead our family when all he knows is life aboard a Federation starship?
WORF: He is my son. He belongs with me.

It occurs to me that Worf could take a leave of absence to accompany Alexander into Klingon space. If Alexander likes the academy on Ogat Worf could come back.

K'MTAR: Kahless was determined to teach his brother a lesson because he had told a lie. But Morath refused to fight him and instead ran away. Kahless pursued him across the valleys, over the mountains, and down to the edge of the sea. And there on the shore, they fought for
ALEXANDER: Twelve days, twelve nights. I know, I've heard this story before.

Once again I have to recommend the Kahless novel.

RIKER: You haven't heard my offer. Half a gram of Anjoran biomimetic gel.

Only mention of "Anjoran". Just using Andorian would be easier (and the color would be appropriate, hehe).

LURSA: Someone must have given it to the assassins to implicate us.
TROI: Why would someone do that?
B'ETOR: In order to tarnish our good name.
WORF: You cannot tarnish a rusted blade.

Burn!

WORF: I was not aware you had a son.
LURSA: I do not. But I am with child.

Given the events of Generations you have to wonder what happened to the kid. He appears in Star Trek Online, but I have to wonder if Toral adopted him. It would've made his appearance in DS9 more interested.

K'MTAR: Then she died. And then you howled in rage and said, look upon her. Look upon death and always to remember. And I always have.

No, Worf said, "You have never seen death. Then look. And always remember." I hate it when screenwriters refuse to look up prior scripts for proper language.

WORF: How have you done this, come to this time?
K'MTAR: I met a man in the Cambra system. He gave me a chance to change the past.

I do wish they would just invoke the Guardian of Forever in situations like this.

K'MTAR: You don't understand. I did not become a warrior. I was a diplomat, a peacemaker. When it came my time to lead our family, I thought that I could single handedly end the fighting between the great houses. I publicly announced that the house of Mogh would be the first to end the feuding. That there would be no more retribution, no more revenge. You tried to warn me. You tried to tell me that I should not show weakness, but I thought you were a foolish old man.

This seems like a prime opportunity to just record a video to show to Alexander when he grows up a la "Timeless".

Fiver

Worf: My son doesn't want to learn the Klingon ways. And he's requesting Earring Magic Ken.

I still remember the Earring Magic Ken controversy. Yeah, this joke doesn't really work. Worf is trying to imply that Alexander is a girl, not gay.

K'mtar: The attackers were sent from the Duras sisters. They dropped this knife.
Riker: I hope we find them spoon. If we don't, I'd never be able to forkgive myself.

Those puns were painful.

K'mtar: I meant his fighting skills. Maybe you should send him to a Klingon Academy.
Worf: I don't think a 21st century computer game is going to help.

A big problem with Klingon Academy is that a very small fraction of the game actually happens at the Academy. I wonder why they didn't just call it Klingon Civil War.

Worf: You tried to kill my son!
K'mtar: No. I am your son!
Worf: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
K'mtar: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Ha ha. I would've tossed in a punchline where K'mtar asks if he has to chop off Worf's hand for him to believe him.

Memory Alpha

* A comparison to "Yesteryear" is made, but I don't really see it. There's a difference between restoring history and deliberately meddling with it.
* They wanted to bring back K'Ehleyr as well, but they decided against it. I agree, it would've bumped this out to two episodes and require a lot more exposition.
* The creators were worried about reusing the actor who played Dr. Mora. In retrospect I realize that the voices were alike, but if I had been a casual viewer at the time who hadn't seen "The Alternate" lately I never would've noticed.
* There's a novel where Worf asks Alexander to take his place as the Federation Ambassador to the Klingon Empire, but I don't think it would've worked. Alexander wouldn't have had enough diplomatic experience yet.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the stardate problem with calling Alexander three years old when he met Worf.

[Nate the Great]

May 2nd, 1994, "Bloodlines"

No fiver

The Episode

DATA: It appears to be an unmanned probe approximately one half metre in diameter.

This seems rather small for a probe, and I wonder why they specified the size at all, it's rather irrelevant. Furthermore, why would anyone specify "unmanned probe", if anything is large enough for someone to be in it I wouldn't call it a "probe", it would be a "pod" at the very least.

DATA: The beam appears to contain holographic imaging information.
RIKER: It's trying to project something.
PICARD: Isolate the bandwidth. Let the signal through the shields.
(the image of a Ferengi appears)
PICARD: Bok!

I'm very dubious about a probe broadcasting a hologram that plays in real time. I know that the only reason is to remind us of what Bok looks like, but it just raises too many questions. Too bad the holocommunicator hasn't been invented yet.

BOK: I trust you remember me, Picard, because I haven't forgotten you or how you murdered my son. For fifteen years now I've thought about how to avenge his death...

The Battle of Maxia was 2355, the year is now 2370. I thought it had to be a longer time than that, mainly because I could've sworn that Picard took a long sabbatical between the Stargazer hearings and coming back to command the E-D, but I guess not. It was only eight years, and he had to have met Geordi and Tasha during this time.

RIKER: The Ferengi Government is debating an amendment to the Rules of Acquisition. It could be a while before we hear from them.

This seems odd. You'd think the Ferengi government would have enough bureaucracy that there'd be enough room for a dedicated Diplomatic Corps.

PICARD: Will, I do appreciate your not asking, but I do think that you have a right to know. There is a possibility that the boy is my son.

Nice character work.

RIKER: She never said anything to you about being pregnant?
PICARD: No, so either Bok is wrong and I'm not the father, or Miranda decided to raise the child alone.

Can we address the elephant in the room, namely how phenomenally unlikely it is that Bok would find a woman who A. Dated Picard and B. Got pregnant by someone else immediately after leaving Picard and C. The child's father was never in the picture and D. The child doesn't even know who his/her father is? The math just doesn't add up.

PICARD: Miranda was trained as a botanist. She always used to talk about running a farm one day.

Even as a child I found this dubious. Botanists might experiment with increasing the yield of farm crops, but they wouldn't want to actually operate a farm, it would take time away from their experiements.

JASON: Oh. Well, I wasn't, so maybe you should just beam me back where I was?

And Jason turns around and assumes the same position, trusting that he's achieved a 100% match and that the Enterprise crew would literally beam him back to a rock wall instead of the bottom of it. Even as a child I found this silly.

PICARD: Are you Jason Vigo?
JASON: I, er, I know him. Is he in trouble?

And any sympathy I might have for Jason is gone, just like that. I respect Harry Mudd more than this guy!

JASON: My mother never told me who my father was. Just that he was in Starfleet.

This seems odd. Putting aside the coincidence, why would Miranda withold this information? For that matter, does the Federation still allow mothers to not put a father on the birth certificate?

JASON: No, I just enjoy climbing.
PICARD: Without an antigrav harness?
JASON: No, they get in the way.

And that's strike two, this guy's an idiot. Even if you have a backpack that senses sudden acceleration and triggers an antigrav unit, I'd still want a spotter. Tech can always fail, and you can't have a failsafe on an antigrav unit.

PICARD: So, what do you do?
JASON: I'm between jobs right now.
PICARD: I see.

I could've sworn that Federation citizens could do whatever they want within reason. They are encouraged to have a job that would benefit society, but they aren't required to. Joseph Sisko runs a restaurant to keep busy and provide a service to the community, but he doesn't actually earn money.

Even if we suppose that Camor V is outside the Federation and still has a traditional economy, Jason would know that he has the option to ask the Federation for a ride back to Earth where he can go to school or whatever.

PICARD: Oh, theses are archaeological fragments that I've collected over the years. This is a Silvan glyph stone. And this, this is a Gorlan prayer stick. It's really quite rare.
JASON: Is it valuable?
PICARD: Not really. Only to students of archaeology such as myself.

Did Miranda not teach Jason that economics works differently in the Federation? Then again, I've always thought it odd that the Federation can operate a currency-free economy when it's surrounded by other governments that do use money. Officers on DS9 must have some sort of salary to buy things on the Promenade, etc.

JASON: On Camor, something has value if you can eat it or sell it. Everything else is luxury.

This seems rather narrow-minded, but I've preached enough about different economic systems for one day.

DATA: Bok took the precaution of encrypting the probe's navigational systems so that we would be unable to decipher its flight path.
LAFORGE: We ran an analysis of the probe's hull. From the energy signatures and particle deposits we found, it looks like it travelled through a dichromic nebula, was exposed to an intensive gravimetric distortion, and passed within one light year of a class four pulsar.
DATA: Those phenomena are relatively common. We would need to identify at least one of them specifically in order to postulate a flight path.

Or you could start in the system that the E-D encountered the probe in, then "look" in all directions for these phenomena. In addition, they could check how empty the fuel tank or battery or whatever is to postulate a range. Knowing the maximum distance it could come from and then looking for the phenomena.*

BIRTA [on viewscreen]: Bok is no DaiMon. He was relieved of command six years ago. He was unstable, dangerous. We had to confine him to Rog Prison.
PICARD: But he's no longer there?
BIRTA [on viewscreen]: He was able to buy himself out about two years ago.

How? I would imagine that it would be standard Ferengi procedure to confiscate all of a prisoner's assets.

CRUSHER: Keep in mind he's had twenty years to be angry that his father wasn't there.

Was he? Furthermore, he knows that Picard didn't even know it existed. I understand someone being angry at a father that deliberately walked away from them because he didn't want to be a father, but Jason knows that his father didn't even know that he was a father.

PICARD: Perhaps. But surely it would be wrong to force the issue. My sense is that he's a very independent young man. Perhaps it would be best if I left him alone. Let him come to me if he wants to.
CRUSHER: Maybe you're right. But I think you should consider this. Are you doing the best thing for Jason or what's easiest for you?

I get the moral, but once again the dilemma is treated like a binary choice with no in between. As Picard himself said, life itself in an exercise in exceptions.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: I was born on Betazed.
JASON: Do all the women there have eyes like yours?

Yes. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I never noticed that Sirtis or Barret wore special contact lenses for large Betazoid eyes. It doesn't seem worth it.

DATA: He has been charged three times with petty theft, twice for disorderly conduct, and several dozen times for trespassing.

This is a huge misstep in my opinion. Picard already has enough reasons to not associate with this guy, blatant criminal activity (beyond the trespassing, I suppose) should be the final straw. This should make up Picard's mind for him: get Bok off Jason's back then send him home. Nothing more.

JASON: Well, Sandra, do you think you could give me some room?
RHODES: We're supposed to be keeping an eye on you.
JASON: Can't you can keep an eye on me from over there?

This seems ridiculous. Surely they've invented a localized transporter inhibitor and shield by now. Bok would make sure to beam into a secure vantage point, he's not going to pop up in the middle of a corridor and let the guards shoot him.

DATA: Captain, I do not believe it was meant as an attack, but rather as a message.
PICARD: A message?
DATA: Yes, sir, in B'zal, a Ferengi code which uses an alternating pattern of light and darkness.

This is actually a clever idea.

BOK: You murdered my son.
PICARD: It was self-defence. He fired on my ship.
BOK: You were in Ferengi space!
PICARD: I didn't know that.

I'm still confused as to why the Ferengi didn't have established borders that its neighbors knew even before the Federation encountered them. Furthermore, if Ship A fires first on Ship B and starts a battle, Government A shouldn't be able to complain to Government B about it.

CRUSHER: You know, I don't think anyone is born knowing how to be a parent. You just sort of figure it out as you go. But the one quality that tends to be a requirement for parenthood is patience.

Actually, I've found that patience is required when dealing with any child, not just your own children.

PICARD: Well, I'm not sure that that is going to be enough. I've found out that Jason has a criminal record. It's nothing very serious, it's only petty theft and so forth, but I can't help feeling that if I had been part of his life then he wouldn't be so troubled now.

Of course he wouldn't be so troubled, he'd be in the Federation where there is plenty of food and lots of legal places to rock climb. But as the wizard Teraptus once said, "history is full of 'should-haves'."

PICARD: My understanding is that such devices were impractical.
DATA: The Federation abandoned its research in the field because the technology was found to be unreliable, as well as energy intensive.

I appreciate Data wants to clarify things, but in this case his reply added absolutely nothing useful to Picard's statement.

LAFORGE: In order to transport matter through subspace, you have to put it into a state of quantum flux. It's very unstable.
PICARD: What range would that kind of transporter have?
DATA: In theory it could operate over several light years.

Which raises the valid question of why other races, particularly the Klingons and Romulans, haven't pursued this technology. Furthermore the Borg should already have this abililty, right? And they could instantly repair any damage, so they'd have no reason not to use it.

PICARD: I'm concerned that he may try to take Jason. Is there any way we can protect him?
LAFORGE: You know, we might be able to keep a signal lock on him at all times.

Yeah, that doesn't seem plausible. Or practical for that matter. What does a subspace transporter care about a conventional transporter lock? It'd be like installing alternating Starfleet and Klingon shield emitters on a ship's hull and expected them to work flawlessly in concert to create a single shield bubble.

Surely you could give Jason a device to scatter any incoming signal, even subspace ones.

JASON: She heard about the all children on Camor who'd been orphaned from the Cardassian war.
PICARD: Oh. I see.

And the local government didn't ask the Federation for humanitarian aid?

JASON: You don't understand. I'm not anybody you'd want for a son. Trust me, if you knew anything about me, you wouldn't be trying so hard.

I get that they're trying to redeem his character, but it's rather too late for that. Furthermore it doesn't work because Data made it clear that he's not a former criminal, he's a current criminal.

And to talk about the ending for a bit, Jason chooses to return to Camor to sort out his life instead of letting Picard return him to the Federation. How exactly is he supposed to sort out his life without money? Selling one artifact is not going to fix his life. For that matter, who on Camor would have a use for the artifact anyway?

DATA: I am tracing the transporter beam Bok used to send the probe. The ship is holding position approximately three hundred billion kilometres from here.

Just say 32 light years, Data!

PICARD: Plot a course. Maximum warp.
RIKER: Even at warp nine we wouldn't get there for another twenty minutes.

There are plenty of online warp calculators. 20 minutes at Warp 9 is 0.06 light-years, not 32. 32 light years at Warp 9 is 7 days. It does make you wonder why they bothered creating an equation in the first place if they weren't going to use it.

PICARD: The modifications you made to the transporter. Is there any way we could use a subspace transport from here to get me onto Bok's ship?
DATA: It may be possible, sir, but it would not be advisable.

What, you created a subspace transporter? When was that established? I thought they were just trying to create a similar signal to interfere with Bok's.

Memory Alpha

* The NextGen Companion compares Picard and Jason's relationship to Kirk and David Marcus. I don't see it AT ALL.
* Only NextGen episode to mention the Rules of Acquisition.
* One of the creators complained that this was yet another seventh season meet-a-relative episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil seems to think that Miranda Vigo's DNA shouldn't be on file because she wasn't a Starfleet officer. I want to know where Phil got the idea that only Starfleet officers have their DNA on file instead of all Federation members.
* Phil did the math for himself and says that 300 billion kilometers at Warp 9 is 11 minutes. I don't care to redo my math.
* In addition to the unlikely sequence of events that made Jason a candidate that I mentioned earlier, Phil also points out that Bok would have to figure out how to make Jason's DNA resemble Picard's without altering his appearance.
* Phil complains that Data is able to find Jason underground and know his race, gender, and approximate age when the sensors couldn't find Picard and Crusher back in "Attached." My immediate counterargument is that the Kes and the Prytt would be adept at filling the atmosphere with jamming signals.
* In "Legacy" the transporter could only beam through 400 meters of granite, yet in this episode it could go 2 kilometers deep. My immediately rejoinder is that it's probably easier for a transporter signal to penetrate soil than granite.

[Nate the Great]

May 9th, 1994, "Emergence"

There are plenty of Treknobabble rants ahead, here's your warning. However, I do like the character work in this episode.

Fiver by Nic and Sa'ar

The Episode

DATA: It appears to be a steam locomotive.
PICARD: A train?
DATA: If I am not mistaken.

Time to be pedantic. The locomotive is one part of a train, the other part being the cars. Data has chosen the wrong language because at minimum a steam locomotive must be accompanied by a tender car that has the fuel. Picard is correct.

DATA: The train we encountered was from one of Doctor Crusher's holodeck programs. It was a re-creation of the Orient Express, a train which travelled from Paris to Istanbul from the late nineteenth century until.
PICARD: Yes, yes, Data, I know about the Orient Express.

I was surprised to learn that the Orient Express ran until 2009, mainly because I kinda thought that "orient" was redefined as being offensive long before TNG ran.

Captain's log, stardate 47869.2. After weathering an unexpected magnascopic storm in the Mekorda Sector, we are continuing our search for new Federation colony sites.

So the randomized magnetic fields caused by the storm is supposed to be the trigger for randomized circuit connections to the point of creating sentience. I find this dubious, but at least they came up with an explanation. Furthermore, I'm having trouble with the idea that isolinear technology is vulnerable to electromagnetic fields to begin with, the TOS crew certainly ran into their share of interstellar phenomenon creating trouble with ship's systems (I especially refer you to "The Practical Joker"). But that was duotronic systems, not isolinear systems.

RIKER: I don't think there's any possibility of developing sites in this region. Most of the stars are main sequence binaries. There are no M-class planets.

Actually, it occurs to me that ships should be able to do the first step of an M-class search using long range sensors alone. It's already been determined that only a small fraction of the range of possible stars could EVER support life (at least M-class life as our heroes are doing). You wouldn't even have to go to most of the systems to look for planets, as the star would indicate whether or not there was any chance you'd find one.

DATA: The ship has moved into warp, sir.
RIKER: Who gave that command?
DATA: Apparently no one.

There's an interesting Strange New Worlds story (fan fiction compilations, not TV show) where the crew suddenly disappeared and the E-D computer determined that it had to lift itself up by its own bootstraps and become sentient to solve the problem. When it solved the problem and brought back the crew it knew that it couldn't be sentient anymore, so it hid its personality inside the Minuet program.

LAFORGE [OC]: If you want us to stop, I'll have to do an emergency core shutdown.
RIKER: That would leave us without warp power for more than a week.

First, the safety of the crew is paramount, the warp core is expendible. Second, it would also take less than a week for Starfleet to send a Starfleet Corps of Engineers ship with a new warp core to install. *

DATA: We are approximately thirty billion kilometres from our original position.

Earlier he said that the ship was moving at Warp 7.3. Putting aside the fact that Warp 1 is more than enough to elude any danger in normal space, 30,000,000,000 km at Warp 7.3 is a little over two minutes. Someone might have actually done the math on this one.

LAFORGE: We still don't know why the ship jumped into warp, but it looks like we're lucky it did. There was a theta flux distortion building up around the ship.
PICARD: Why didn't our sensors alert us?
LAFORGE: Our sensors were never designed to detect theta flux distortions. And yet there is a record of the distortion in the sensor log. That's the other mystery.

This is inexplicable. The sensors were never designed to look for this stuff, but somehow it did? Did the new intelligence in the computer happen to decide to modify the sensors to look for this thing just in time to find one? At least in the Strange New Worlds story is talked about earlier the problem happened too fast for the crew to have a chance to react. Only the superspeed thinking of the ship's computer could notice it.

DATA: Perhaps the engines were activated by a random power fluctuation.
LAFORGE: Which occurred just in time to save the ship?
DATA: It is improbable, but it is possible.

I'm disturbed by the notion that a random power fluctuation could trigger the warp engines. Doesn't the helmsman have to "prepare to go to warp", presumably by adjusting systems that have nothing to do with the warp engines (subspace sensors and comms, inertial dampeners, etc.)?

DATA: There is another possibility.
LAFORGE: Yeah, what's that.
DATA: The sensors apparently detected a dangerous anomaly that threatened the Enterprise. It is possible that they triggered a safety device which caused the ship to avoid destruction.

Both of them should know about any such safety device.

LAFORGE: Yeah, but there's no direct link between the warp engines and the sensors.

Yeah there is, it's called the ship's computer.

RIKER: Where did these nodes come from?
DATA: It is possible that the magnascopic storm we recently experienced had an unexpected effect on the ship's systems.

I think this Treknobabble explanation needed to be fleshed out a bit.

DATA: Agreed. All of the nodal connections intersect in holodeck three. It appears to be a focal point of some kind.
LAFORGE: We might be able to find a way to use the holodeck circuitry to disable the nodes permanently.

How? Since when are the holodeck circuits designed to interact with those in a random Jefferies Tube halfway across the ship?

RUSTIC: Now I'm going all the way to Vertiform City!

Vertiform is a fictional word, but I wonder why they didn't use "variform" instead, which is a real word that fits the scenario.

RIKER: All right, go ahead and depolarise the entire power grid.
DATA: The power grid is located beneath this deck, sir.

I hate the idea that the holodeck has controls that can only be accessed from inside an active program. Especially since "The Big Goodbye" had Westley accessing the program from a control panel outside. Between this, a forced shutdown vaporizes everything inside, and holodeck characters somehow existing outside the holodeck (if only for a few seconds) I guess that episode isn't canon anymore.

DATA: Geordi, does the configuration of connection nodes look familiar to you?
LAFORGE: Yeah. Yeah, it looks a little like the structure of your positronic brain.
DATA: That is correct. It would appear that the nodes are in the process of creating a rudimentary neural net.

This is completely ridiculous. There's no reason why all artificial intelligences would have similar structures. I'll bet you anything that the various TOS andrdoids were nothing alike on the inside.

Let me talk about another book. In "Immortal Coil" Bruce Maddox hit a brick wall trying to duplicate Data's positronic brain, and he knows about the evolution of Voyager's EMH, so he recruits Reg Barclay to combine the technologies to create an android with a "holotronic" brain. I recommend it highly.

DATA: I believe it is an emergent property.
PICARD: Explain.
DATA: Complex systems can sometimes behave in ways that are entirely unpredictable. The human brain, for example, might be described in terms of cellular functions and neurochemical interactions. But that description does not explain human consciousness, a capacity that far exceeds simple neural functions. Consciousness is an emergent property.

I could write a big screed on the implications of this paragraph regarding God versus evolution, but I'll skip it.

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The Enterprise contains a vast database of information which is managed by a sophisticated computer. This complex system gives the ship many of the characteristics of a biological organism.
RIKER: That's true. It sees with its sensors, it talks with its communications systems.
CRUSHER: In a sense, it almost reproduces with the replicators.

This is the first half of an argument, but they didn't actually tie it together into a logical conclusion.

PICARD: If the ship is truly an emerging intelligence, then we have a responsibility to treat it with the same respect as any other being.

While I don't dispute this, it seems like a huge leap. Even if the ship develops an intelligence, there's no sign yet that it will develop a singular consciousness, much less sentience.

(in the middle of the floor, a 3d version of the jigsaw is growing with a light inside it)

It seems odd that the ship decided to build this thing in a random cargo bay and use short-range transporter signals to do it. Why not just use the larger replicators that we've already seen on board?

LAFORGE: It looks like the ship's replicator and transporter systems have been merged somehow. to create this.

The replicator is a subset of the transporter. I repeat the last comment. This thing doesn't have to be in the cargo bay because it's going to phase out of the ship.

LAFORGE: Counsellor, we haven't been able to re-establish the safeties.
CRUSHER: The injuries you suffered on the holodeck weren't severe, but next time they might kill you.
TROI: I'm aware of that.

Putting aside the fact that this is a necessary mission, couldn't they at least put on some armor before returning to the holodeck? Or at least beam a period-accurate radio into the holodeck and communicate with the inhabitants through that?

PICARD: Vertion particles. Vertiform City. That's what the ship was looking for.

Why not just call it Vertion City?

LAFORGE: Captain, you'd better take a look at this. When the particle beam cut off, the object was beginning to form a coherent energy matrix. Now, if these readings are accurate, I'd say that the emission patterns were almost organic.

Ugh. Not all life forms are organic, etc.

LAFORGE: The ship has diverted all of our systems to maximum propulsion, including life support. We have less than two hours of reserve oxygen.

What? Putting aside the fact that once again the writers are thinking that life support is just providing oxygen, I expect that a ship this big would have a stockpile of oxygen on standby for manual distribution. Furthermore we know that the ship has designated shelter areas to focus life support power to a small fraction of the ship instead of the whole thing.

DATA: I can get us there more quickly. I know a shorter route.

How does Data know how the train's control correlate to the actual heading of the ship? Furthermore the whole thing has to figurative because a train can't alter it's heading, only control the speed.

PICARD: Then the purpose of the ship's intelligence was simply to bring this life form into being.
CRUSHER: There are some species whose sole purpose is to reproduce. Once they finally procreate, they die.

And not a single one of said species is sentient or even arguably intelligent. Trek has a terrible habit of shoehorning metaphors.

DATA: Captain, you took a substantial risk in allowing the Enterprise to complete its task.
PICARD: Why do you say that?
DATA: Because the end result was unknown. The object could have been dangerous. It may in fact, be dangerous.
PICARD: And I have allowed it to go off on its merry way.
DATA: Yes, sir.
PICARD: The intelligence that was formed on the Enterprise didn't just come out of the ship's systems. It came from us. From our mission records, personal logs, holodeck programs, our fantasies. Now, if our experiences with the Enterprise have been honourable, can't we trust that the sum of those experiences will be the same?

I already put this scene on the TNG heartwarming TV Tropes page.

The Fiver

Picard: Shall we try it once more from the beginning? Data, what are you doing with that kettle? I already had my Earl Grey.
Data: You need not make such a fuss over it, Captain. I am merely trying to perform The Tempest in a teapot.

That pun hurt.

Conductor: Let me see your tickets.
Data: Um....
Conductor: I find your lack of tickets disturbing.
Riker: Let me do the talking. I know how to handle these situations. (waving fingers) You don't need to see our tickets.
Worf: We're not with him.

Ha ha.

Troi: Could you please tell me what the last station this train visits is?
Conductor: This is the Orient Express.
Troi: Yes, but that's not my question. Tell me what the last station is.
Conductor: Don't you read History? This is the Orient Express! What do you think the last station is? Winnipeg? Moose Jaw?

Um, the Orient Express traveled in both directions between Europe and Istanbul, so where did this joke come from?

Mobster: You need an education... it's just another brick in the wall.

I was introduced to Pink Floyd's The Wall by an old classmate. It's a long story.

La Forge: I think this is what we're looking for... Detecting lots of vertion particles....
Picard: There's moose in that nebula!

I get the feeling that at the end of the day one of the few bits of Voyager that will endure in geek culture is the line "there's coffee in that nebula!"

Memory Alpha

* Rick Berman had a problem with the shot where the train wheels braked because nobody was around to see it. I think he gets uptight about the weirdest things sometimes. I'm especially reminded of the helium football episode of Mythbusters. Adam has football helmets for Jamie and himself to wear, Jamie doesn't seem the point. Adam remarks that sometimes Jamie seems to forget that they're shooting a TV show meant for entertainment.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also mentions the armor (or rather bulletproof vest) thing.
* Data, Troi, and Worf enjoy champagne with the holodeck characters, yet when the program shuts down they're still holding glasses, and Phil has a problem with this. He seems to forget that the holodeck can replicate simple objects.

[NAHTMMM]

Riker: How can you say that? What if it's building an army of Evil Lemmings of Doom?
Troi: We'll push them off a cliff, then.

Sa'ar's influence.