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Sleapers, Part 6
by IJD GAF
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A manifestation of Alternate Universe Week |
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Zeke: Come ON! What's the hold up? IJD: It's been two minutes -- calm down, Zeke. Zeke: Why am I the only one here who can't be patient? Kira: The rest of us learned the talent from dealing with you. Zeke: I fell right into that one. Derek: Hey, somebody's coming! (A figure approaches, with a vulture on his shoulder and waving a black flag). Marc: Who are you? Soon: My name is Greg Thaid, but most people call me "Soon." Zeke: Greg "Soon" Thaid, eh? Interesting.... Kira: (snicker) Soon: Colonel Saxon sent me to inform you that she does indeed plan to meet with you. Derek: Terrific! When? Soon: Soon. Zeke: ARG! Marc: It seems that in this world, it's the Assistance who suffers from inefficiency. I'm assuming your government is extremely expedient? Soon: Let me put it this way: I've already gotten my tax returns from 2009. IJD: Nice. Anyway, how soon is soon? Soon: That's my name. IJD: Right -- what I mean is, how long before we can meet with Colonel Saxon? Derek: "Soon." Soon: Yes? Zeke: ARG! Kira: I'm finding this irony quite refreshing. Marc: Agreed. This is almost as fun as that world where whoopee cushions looked like pies. Zeke: (grumble) Okay, I'm sick of waiting. (ahem) Colonel? Saxon: Hey, what's with the hold-up? Derek: Soon told us we had to wait to see you. Saxon: No, no. I said "You'd have to meet us through Soon". Soon: Yes? Saxon: I didn't call you. Soon: Oh. Saxon: But Soon? Soon: Yes? Saxon: You're fired. Soon: Aw. Saxon: (ahem) Now then, how may I help you? Zeke: We wish to evade capture. Marc: (aside to Zeke) Do keep in mind we're asking this from an organization who hides in public parks. Kira: Also keep in mind that last time we attempted to evade capture, it was by using the "homes" of militant hermit crab people. Zeke: (pause) So will you help us? Saxon: We can't right now. Maybe soon -- Soon: Yes? Saxon: Not you, you're still fired. Soon: Aw. Saxon: (Ahem) Maybe shortly we'll have the time necessary to offer you assistance. IJD: But all you're doing is picking strawberries! Derek: Hey, don't criticize. Saxon: This is just a cover for our more covert operations. Kira: I see. So you won't help us? Saxon: Afraid not. Zeke: We're screwed. Kira: Yep, we're screwed. Iron Voice: Yep, you're screwed. (Long pause.) Iron Voice: You're screwed. Marc: It was behind the tree. Iron Voice: It was behind the tree. (Windham steps out from behind the tree.) IJD: Now they can see us. Iron Voice: Now we can see you. Derek: You can give it up, we know it's just you, Windham. Windham: I can give up, you know it's just... argh. (Twenty uniformed officers step out from behind various other trees.) Windham: You see, I'm not actually a secret member of the anti-government Assistance movement. I'm a member of the "Thunk Police." The seven of you -- Soon: Aw. Windham: -- are under arrest. Kira: Eighth! This is the eighth time! (In response, twenty Assistance fighters step out of the strawberry patch.) Saxon: You say that you are my judge. I don't know if you are, but -- Windham: Yeah, yeah. (The inevitable shoot-out erupts in the park) Zeke: Crap! What do we do? Marc: Probably what we should've done in the first place -- we use our toaster to go elsewhere. Zeke: Good plan. (After a second's worth of tinkering, a portal appears on the edge of the park. The Sleapers enter, and leave the Mirror Universe denizens to do what they do best -- killing each other off) TO BE CONTINUED.... |
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DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're still breaking a few copyrights. Coincidentally, we're still insane. Now go fetch me my hunting rifle, it's cabbage season. All material © 2003, IJD GAF. |