Five-Minute Survivor

by Zeke

Jeff Probst: Hello and welcome to the special sci-fi edition of Survivor. Since Voyager Survivor has already been done, we thought we'd start with Enterprise. Our first guest is Captain Jonathan Archer....
Archer: You said you had information about the Xindi. Where is it?
Jeff: Heheheheh. Patience, Captain. The survivor wins the information.
Archer: Survivor? What are you -- GAK!
Jeff: Captain? Are you okay? Um, someone call the medical team. Anyway, while we're waiting, our next guest is Subcommander T'Pol.
T'Pol: Explain what you are -- GAK!
Jeff: Subcommander? Um... next we have --
Tucker, Mayweather, Reed, and Sato: GAK!
Jeff: What's going on here?
Phlox: Well, what do you know? Looks like I'm the survivor. What do I win?
Jeff: Hey, you're a doctor! Can you help these people?
Phlox: Oh, there's nothing I could do at this point. Thyoglatulate poisoning kills both humans and Vulcans instantly and efficiently.
Jeff: I knew we shouldn't have let you choose a hypospray as your luxury item.
Phlox: Hindsight is 20/20. Can I have my prize money in hats?
Jeff: Actually, Doctor, you're not the survivor yet. There's one contestant left who could vote you off....
Porthos: Ruff!
Jeff: The tribe has spoken.
Phlox: Curses! Voted off by a bowl of --
Jeff: Out. Well, little fellow, looks like you're the survivor. Do you want the information about the Xindi? Or... do you want this piece of cheese?
Porthos: RUFF!
Jeff: And that concludes the most under-budget season of Survivor ever. Be sure to tune in next week for Survivor: Endor, where the new Rebel and Stormtrooper tribes will fight to avoid being voted off by giant logs.

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___ Five-Minute Survivor

This fiver was originally published on April Fool's Day, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: It's April, fool.