Hawkeye: And I'd do that super-villain, and that one, and that one....
Ant-Man: Oh, Clint, you're such a womanizer. Lately.
Alarms: WAO WAO WAO
Captain Britain: (perking up) Isn't that the alarm for when someone's come back from the dead?
Wasp: Hey, you're right! Glad you noticed. The rest of us tend to tune it out by now.
Ant-Man: Jack? Is that you or is the Red Skull walking around in your costume?
Jack of Hearts: Tock....
Ant-Man: You want to talk? Okay, I'll come closer.
Jack of Hearts: Tick....
Ant-Man: Uh oh.
(BOOOOOOM)
Hawkeye: Is that really enough vowels for a two-page spread?
Wasp: We need to save some for later.
Tony Stark: Gentlemen, I stand before you today as Secretary of Defense and Avenger. As politician and superhero. As level-headed guy and armoured psycho about to blow off an ambassador's head.
T'Challa: Are you crazy, Tony? You have no reason to hate a Latverian ambassador! Haven't you been reading Fantastic Four?
Tony: You'd rather I used a real country for this? The letters would be pouring in for weeks!
T'Challa: Actually, I'd rather you didn't blow off anybody's head.
Tony: That's it, you're dead! I... wait. Whoa. What just came over me? I gotta get out of here. Hank, take over.
Hank Pym: Uh... gentlemen, I stand before you today as biochemist and guy in a ridiculous insect costume....
Tony: I don't understand it. I felt like I was drunk, but I haven't touched the stuff in ages.
Scarlet Witch: Don't worry, I'm sure it has nothing to do with me.
Cap: Jarvis! Are you okay?
Jarvis: I'll be fine, Captain -- the rubble landed better than usual this time. But poor Scott....
Cap: Who?
Jarvis: Scott Lang. Your teammate. He died. That's his skeletonized hand over there.
Cap: Ah. Well, he was just Ant-Man. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Hawkeye: Hey, there's a Quinjet coming. Awful fast, too....
She-Hulk: (squinting) How can you tell? All I see is a little dot.
Hawkeye: They don't call me Hawkeye for nothing. Also, duck.
Cap: (sigh) He's back again? Howard, for the absolute last time, you can't join the --
(CRAAAAAAASH)
Cap: Wow. He doesn't usually take it that badly.
Vision: My friends, I am truly sorry that I failed to recognize the horrible threat we now face. For indeed, we face a horrible threat. A threat so horrible that --
Cap: Vision, I know Hank Pym built you, but can you please at least try to get to the point?
Vision: Very well. I shall now tell you the name of the horrible threat before us. That horrible threat, which is unquestionably horrible and threatens us even as we speak, is none other than -- (face melts)
Hawkeye: Whichever one of you did that, thanks.
Army of Ultrons: DESTROY!
Captain Britain: Wait, Ultron? Isn't he dead?
Cap: Wasn't Jack? Wasn't Vision? Weren't you?
Captain Britain: Oh. So I can stop being sad about Scott?
Cap: No, his death is permanent and devastating.
She-Hulk: Arrrgh... can't... control... RAAAAAAAAAAAR! (rips the Vision in half)
Wasp: Hmm. An apocalyptic scenario with dead Avengers, weird things happening to the Vision, an army of Ultrons, and an out-of-control Hulk ripping someone in half? Haven't I read something like this before?
Hawkeye: The Book of Peter?
Wasp: Your complete lack of knowledge of anything whatsoever is so cute. No wonder I'm attracted to you. Lately.
Cap: Jennifer, calm down! This is no way to beat the Ultrons! Well, actually, it's a really good way to beat the Ultrons. But I don't like the side effects!
She-Hulk: EAT CAR, LITTLE MAN!
Cap: Yes, like that. That's exactly what I mean.
Mysterious Voice 1: Aaaaand freeze-frame. I gotta say, so far this is tons of fun.
Mysterious Voice 2: But not enough. they all must pay. All of them.
Mysterious Voice 1: Except Mom, right?
Mysterious Voice 2: Shhh.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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